Area 136

A warm and welcoming place....

2009-11-09T19:39:37+01:00

A luverly fluffy message greeted me just now as I signed on to blog UK

"Edit your tags!

Due to changes to the tag system some of your tags have been removed. You can edit them here."

Erm....

Fuck off darlink blog.....

If you have a problem with my tags, YOU edit them.

After all, this site is made by YOU and not us after all.

Hmmm, I wonder how long I have until I can turn down renewing my pro membership.....

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Back from Edinburgh and saw this, so thought I'd steal it.

2009-11-08T21:54:07+01:00

Sunday Stealing: The Stolen Sex Meme

1. Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with?
Oh god yes, sorry folks.....it could be you!

2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
Why thank you that would be nice, but can we break for coffee and cigarettes?

3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Either - when I am with someone they can choose. On my own I sleep in the middle.

4. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
Have you seen this body? As if.

5. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?
Oh yes. Old Nurses homes have big baths that you can easily get two people in, both laying down. Sex in a shower needs care - those cold tiles can be a shock!

6. Do you watch/read pornography?
I am a man with an internet connection - you work it out.

7. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
Well, I don't mind being in bed with an equal - both of you trying to make the other as happy and satisfied as possible. But I am also happy to be as sadistic as the person I am with wants me to be - so passive I suppose.

8. Do you love someone on your blogroll?
I actually first read that question as "Bog roll" and wondered how I was going to answer that one. And it is none of your business either way.

9. Would you choose love or money?
Love can make you feel so alive it hurts. And can hurt you so much you feel dead. Money can pay for a house for you to be happy or sad in. Tough choice.

10. Your top three favorite kinks in bed?
I wish I had read all of this before deciding to do it, or read a few other peoples responses to see how open they had been. I have mentioned the sadist thing already....erm, that's enough.

11. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?
Don't understand that one. Never been in bed with anyone and thought "Oh hang on! that's a bit much!" But I have had friends who have done things that have just made me think "Oh god you idiot. Why did you do that!"

12. Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?
Anywhere with someone I loved. Romance is where your heart is.

13. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
In a bedroom. Well I have told the story before about how I lost my virginity detailing the fact that there was another couple in the bed and one of my friends in a revolving leather chair at the end of the bed, standing up with his lighter lit above his head, spinning round saying "look at me! I'm a lighthouse! I'm a lighthouse!" That was pretty fucking weird....

14. Have you ever been caught having sex?
Yep, have told this one before - got caught by a girlfriend getting a BJ from another girl....and got away with it.

15. Ever been to a bar just to get sex?
No.

16. Ever been picked up in a bar?
Yup.

17. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
Yes.

18. Had sex in a movie theater?
No.

20. Had sex in a bathroom?
Yes. One occasion at a party. The line of people waiting when we came out gave us such dirty looks!

21. Have you ever had sex at work?
No, but did "get off" with a very hot temp in the store room a few times - as in removal and rearranging of clothing but not full sex.

22. Bought something from an adult store?
Ho yus.

23. Do you own any sex toys?
No, but have acted as "Technical advisor" on a few shopping trips

24. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?
Quite possibly.

25. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
Isn't that the game where you call them the wrong name and try to "Stay on"? Sex Buckaroo or summink.....

26. Do you think oral sex constitutes as a form of intercourse?
If you are doing it to each other at the same time it can be just as good as f*cking.

27. What's your favorite sexual position?
I find with the right person one possition can be as good as another, with the wrong person you could use all the harnesses and toys in the world and it would still be rubbish. But I like it when she is on top, or I am behind, or when we are both wrapped around one another and moving slowly and deeply and........sorry it just got a bit hot in here.

28. What's your favorite sex act?
Act three, just after the interval.

29. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?
Yes.

30. How many bloggers do you think will post this meme this week?
Who knows, Sunday is a slow day.

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Dripping sodberry.

2009-11-06T12:15:51+01:00

I have been enjoying a rather full on cold of late – NOT flu of swine or any other variety.

Later today I will be sharing my germs with a trainload of north bound travellers as I go up to Edinburgh yet again.

Was up there last weekend to see all the fire dancers and stuff (see Queene Mabs blog for piccies) I did take some pictures myself but didn’t think the results are that good. I need to sort out what settings work best for nighttime shooting on my camera.

Maybe I should just place my equipment in the capable hands of AJ and let him fiddle with it until it works properly in dim light…

Yes that sentence was designed for optimum “Snrk!” –age, knock yourselves out. Consider it an early Xmas gift.

The journey should take less time than it did last weekend. Due to engineering works it took Six hours both ways last time! Mainly because on arrival at Newcastle, the train reversed out and had to go over to the west coast line and go up from there. Same on the way back but being a Sunday and the end of half term it was even more rammed.

The “helpful” train staff kept making announcements trying to coerce the standing passengers to get off and get on the train “just behind this one which has seats available”. A young girl we were talking to (because she was stood next to our table) said that they had said exactly the same thing on the train she was on – the one in front of ours – about this one. But she had waited an hour for our train to arrive and the overcrowding was worse! So she stayed put and eventually got a seat.

I know flying to Edinburgh is quicker but I really like not having to deal with airport security, also I like the fact that if I buy anything I don’t have to worry about cramming it in my hand luggage to stop a little Hitler type taking it off of me.

Anyway.

Going up to belatedly celebrate Moffs birthday.

What ya doing then?

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Llandererses Friday Five.

2009-11-06T11:05:27+01:00

1. Do you have a favourite part of Autumn?

The nuts.
Seriously though, I like the fog and the crispness of the air and the colours of the leaves. Living near a forest is good in early Autumn.

2. “It’s too cold to snow!” Do you think it ever is?

It seems to manage it well enough at the poles and its pretty parky up/down there.
But I think this comes from the fact that cloud cover increases the temperature slightly, so if it does snow – it is cloudy and therefore it must be a bit warmer than when the skies were clear and you were seriously freezing your nuts off. Its relative, or a by-law….or a tradition…..or an old charter or something.

3. Do you feel there is still a place for British Summer Time or should we just stop changing the clocks?

Hmmm, I have no strong feelings either way. It mainly seems to be a H&S concern over lighting levels but we do have street lights nowadays no? For me getting up when it is dark is not a problem – I don’t get S.A.D. but I do find waking up in the early hours confusing. In the summer at least you know if it is dark you can safely go back to sleep, in the winter you wonder if you have woken up because you have slept through the alarm and have to check the time.

I remember a great conversation in a squat way back – room full of stoned hungover people laying around in a darkened room, curtains open to reveal the dark sky. A voice calls out “Anyone know what the time is?” a voice calls back “Seven O’clock” – a pause as the questioner obviously looks at the sky outside…”Which one?!”

4. Are there certain meals you only eat in certain seasons (Salad in summer, stew in winter)?

I really like all the thick rich stews and soups that we eat at this time of year. Eating the same thing would seem a bit heavy on a hot summer night. Mind you, When in Cyprus I would happily eat slow cooked cuts of meat in rich wine sauces on the hottest nights…Salad in winter is just wrong!

5. Autumn is…?

A time of low angled sunlight, making trees already burning with colour even brighter. A time of early dark and rising ground mist, the sound of dead leaves cracking underfoot.

Or summink.

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Only five words.

2009-11-04T16:53:18+01:00

Blog says that tags can now only be five words long!

What about the long winded amongst us! Bloody cheek.

And nearly every single tag I have ever put on a post has been deleted because of this new rule.

Where the hell are we blogging - FUCKING ISLINGTON!?

(I should explain, I hate islington because they are the people that fine mothers when their children drop litter. Nazi bastards basically)

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Happy Birthday Moff.

2009-11-04T16:38:11+01:00

I know you won't see this as you seldom blog, but here it is anyway.

I am proud to have you as my God-daughter.

Hope today is a great one.

Love you.

(I have also - by the way, discovered some photos of you when you were about seven playing that plastic guitar that I got you one christmas. You remember the one that your mum and dad made sure went to Grannies for when you stayed over because of the noise it made. I was thinking of blogging them......but I will save your blushes.)

See you at the weekend.

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“Two thousand seven”

2009-11-03T11:48:59+01:00

Just been doing a spot of on line learning – nothing exciting, just how to use a presentation programme.

I had the audio content turned on because I thought maybe the droning computerised American accented voice would help the facts go in…big mistake.

One of the very few issues I have with American English is how they seem to be trying to save time by saying the word “and” as little as possible. Constantly on this training programme Mr America says “Two thousand seven” instead of “Two thousand and seven”.

Arrrgh!

“It” is another time saving casualty: “I hate when…” instead of “I hate it when…”

I hate it when they do that.

What do they do with all the milliseconds they save during the year by doing this?
Do they add them all up at the end and figure that they have saved an hour or so?

Then do what with it…

Buy more guns? Eat more burgers? Invade more countries for oil?….

Americans…odd little things ain’t they.

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The waiting game.

2009-11-02T10:14:04+01:00

It is one all of us office workers are familiar with.

The IT man has said he will be here in the morning to install a new PC and take my old gasping heap of a computer to the great hardware dump in the sky, so you get in early and start the waiting.

And as you have something much better to be doing with your time you KNOW the bastard won’t be here much before lunch.

So you spend some time sending the important documents that you have sitting on your desktop to your own email address as he is bound to loose them or copy them in a format that your new pc will translate into “windings” or something you can’t read.

And you drink coffee and try not to feel cold in the chill of a Monday morning office.

Meh.

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Things that made me smile today.

2009-10-30T19:54:22+01:00

Even though I spent the entire day in a totally pointless seminar/course/meeting about how to find a job outside of weird inc. I found a few things to make me smile.

First, as I walked up onto the millennium bridge, a jogger ran past me and slipped as he turned onto the bridge and fell hard down onto his hands and knees.

The words "Oh! Are you all right?" formed behind my lips but didn't make it out through the smile.

Second, the view down the river through the faint haze with the sun hanging in the air like a light bulb on a dimmer switch - easily looked at through the grey cloudy sky.

Third, the fact that both mine and Sarahs Beds were delivered to the flat. OK, I am annoyed that I got a text from Argos last night saying that the delivery time was going to be between 13.00 and 15.00 but got a call this morning at 09.30 from the delivery driver asking if someone would be there in 45 minutes!, but they are there and waiting to be unwrapped and put together.

Oh, and the fact that I am going to Edinburgh tomorrow morning (at "F*CKING HELL O'clock mind you) to see the Moff and in the evening see the fire dancers on Carlton Hill is making me smile.

The journey back on Sunday will be hell though.

Hope you all have a good weekend.

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Three pages.

2009-10-28T12:02:45+01:00

I just looked through three pages of "Recent users" to see who is new in blog land.

Only 11 people appear to be "real" users, the rest are all spam.

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Floored!

2009-10-27T19:57:20+01:00

So after getting the good news that rather than having two weeks for my two bedroom carpets they could do it today, I was thinking all my good luck was used up.

They were due to come from 12.00 onwards but at 09.30 I got a phone call-

"Ullo, its plush carpets...we 'ave ad a cancellation and we are running about fortee minits early innit. You up fa dat?"

Well I poured my first cup of coffee of the day down the sink in the canteen and shot out of the office like a nocturnal mammal leaving a legendary hot house in a bit of a hurry, possibly with a rather large American dude wailing about young boys "statin' ta foam in the heat"...

So I arrive at the tube station and guess what?

No, go on - guess!

Yup! someone had to go and at something silly at Camden Town and cause all the times to disappear from the next trains display on the platform!

Some people pick the worst days to try out a "passenger train interface"!

So eventually and in just over an hour I reach my flat and the carpet van is sat right outside with two likely lads reading the sports pages within.

I wave, point at the door and open up.

Within half an hour, and an entire hour early - my two bedrooms are fitted with wall to wall carpet!

So anyway, in a little while I am borrowing a hoover and going over to clear up the bits of loose weft and weave before they get stuck on the freshly undercoated skirting boards in the front room and maybe while I am there, light a candle or two in front of the Three Goddesses plaque in the main room and say "thank you"

PS - yes, I have already done the taking the shoes and socks off and walking about scrunching my toes into the fresh new carpet. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm bare feet on new carpet.....

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Heating a heat wave and the joys of damp commuter buttocks.

2009-10-27T09:36:46+01:00

Arriving at work this morning I was greeted by a very odd and not often felt sensation of warmth on walking into the office. Not good will to all men type ~~crap~~ warmth, but actual thermal warmth – the proper kind.

Yes, after only two weeks of cold damp weather they have fixed the boiler.

Typically last night the forecast was for a mini heat wave for the rest of the week.

I suspect our engineers phone Bill Giles up whenever they have any boilers to fix to find the optimum time to do it. Bastards.

So after two weeks of freezing in this dull little box of an office it is going to be all toasty to extreme levels.

No I am never happy.

Also I am not happy about the other sensation I experienced on the train this morning.

When I stood up to change at Bank, my bum felt wet. Well more “rather damp” than wet, but NOT the sort of feeling you want bestowed on you on the train – there are clubs for that sort of thing.

Anyway, brain went into overdrive and I remembered Emms post of last week (re the bag of Cat piss) and as the seat was not cold when I sat on it…..it must be wee right! ARRRRGH! Even the bottom of my coat was damp…urgh.

Of course this being my brain it also went to the good old paranoid failsafe “What if it was YOU?” route, giving me a brief bout of panic along the lines of “Involuntary senior seepage” that I quickly shooed away with a loud burst of mental “LA LA LAAA!” ing.

Getting to work, I hung my coat over the back of my chair and gave said garment a damn good sniffing…..nope…nuffink. No Eau de Tramp groin, no Seeping old man problem….just a leeeetle damp.

Then I remembered.

I had sat in the middle seat in the row, under that “Open to increase ventilation” Grill thing that does nothing but let in RAIN in this weather. I have sat and chuckled at people jumping as the cold drips land on their heads on many a commute. So that was probably it.

Hopefully.

Well it doesn’t smell so I can live with it until I can change later when I get home.

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you either have it or you don't...

2009-10-26T20:32:01+01:00

see more Lol Celebs

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Sarah - Cool as a cucumber.

2009-10-25T14:50:34+01:00

Rupert the pony was having a nice walk down the lane with Sarah on his back and a nice lady leading him.

Then the horses in the field next to the lane started calling to Rupert to warn him of "predators" lurking in the bushes.

These predators were in fact myself and QM trying to get a good photo.

Rupert turned round, saw the "Predators"...and went for it.

Just for a few seconds he danced and did a little panicked gallop, the woman leading calmed him down and Sarah sat on him through it all, cool as a cucumber.

Daddy of course nearly shat himself!

The nice lady calmed Rupert down and Sarah hopped off, we walked him back to the yard and Sarah got back on with no hesitation and continued her ride.

We have booked riding lessons for her.

She is obviously made of stronger stuff than daddy....

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The french have a word for it...Pleu.

2009-10-24T19:15:59+02:00

Well, I think that is how it is spelled - Rain = pleu. Perfect onomatopoeic word for the way you feel when you wake up and see rain falling in totally dead straight lines out of a lead grey sky. No wind to move it on, it just drops to the ground in perpendicular formation on to plants and trees that look frozen in time.

Great. And we we're supposed to be taking Sarah for another pony ride.

Well, it eased up and we went for it. Back to the riding school and this time Sarah had a half an hour ride on Solarna, who was a bit bigger, a bit older and a bit calmer than Fleur from last week. We are going back tomorrow for another ride and Sarah is trying to predict which pony she will be given.

After that, a pub lunch and then.......well, the gates of hell opened and I was sucked into the awful pit of the Lakeside shopping centre. True, QM and Sarah got me a chocolate Goddess from Hotel Choclat....but that really does not make up for the acres of slow walking chav bastids that were all over the place. Christ will you twats walk like you are actually GOING SOMEWHERE! And do refrain from stopping dead in front of me and looking at me like I am unreasonable when I walk into your stupid ignorant back!

Anyway, the girls had fun - Sarah got a new set of clothes for her build-a-bear Giraffe (George) as a reward for doing so well at school, and they both got a shed load of choccy from the above mentioned shop..I almost bought a leeetle remote controlled helicopter while waiting (and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting..) for the girls to come out of "Lush" - is it just me or do some of the soaps in there look more like cheeses.......

Anyway after that - we went to a bloody supermarket for what seemed like a lifetime and got some very yummy noms...but I don't want to see another shop for about.....ever.

Unless it sells guitars booze and women.

If you know of such and establishment, emails to the usual address......

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Brilliant!

2009-10-22T17:12:10+02:00

More from the wonderful "Texts from last night" site.

(516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

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For Mira and others....

2009-10-18T13:05:38+02:00

You may have to click to see it all.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

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Have a great birthday Eggbod!

2009-10-18T10:33:36+02:00

I hope it is a good one.

I myself am now off to strip the bedclothes off my bed and bung them in the washing machine.

See, it is not all wine and prezzies for the rest of us.

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My tiny hand has now 'sploded!

2009-10-15T18:24:21+02:00

My hands may have been cold earlier, but now my left hand hurts like I have just shaken hands with a Gorilla!

Why?

Well, as I got home quite early I decided to do some guitar lessons from "you tube" and - rather stupidly - picked some by Paul Gilbert. Simple alternate picking and pull off licks. I have always been rubbish at that sort of stuff, which is why when I was in my 20's I got my alternate picking up to a high level of speed and accuracy. (yes, I do realise that most of you who don't play guitar are now saying "waddafuqiseeeonabout!)

So anyway, I got out the Metronome and set it to something not that fast, and started doing the exercises....

After twenty minutes my left hand was full of rocks and my forearm was burning.

So, a leeeetle out of practice then.

And even doing the scales I used to be able to play with great speed and accuracy sound like train wrecks now.

God it was depressing.

And bloody painful...

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My tiny hand is frozen.

2009-10-15T10:23:52+02:00

It is chuffin' freezin' in this office today.

There is a draft blowing through the narrow gap between the swing doors to the canteen and it is making a very quiet howling sound, like someone in the next room playing a sound effect of a gale....Seriously - it is very annoying.

and my hands are starting to go numb.

I would complain and ask for something to be done about it, but it would take so long for the Weird Inc engineers to sort it out, what with all the standing around sucking on there teeth and starting every sentence with "Weelllll ya see the fing is..." that nothing would get done till next week.

And by then we will probably have a freak heat wave.

I am off to sit in a hand basin of hot water.

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Look, I don't do sport....but!

2009-10-15T08:44:43+02:00

I may have to reconsider being a memeber of a Blog that is sponsored by BMW!

I mean they are the engine supplier to the enemy!

Why not get Mercedes to sponsor the site?

Bloody BMW!

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I am an angel, and you should all be happy to know me....

2009-10-14T22:23:38+02:00

Greed: High Gluttony: High Wrath: Very High Sloth: High Envy: High Lust: High Pride: High

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

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Question/challenge/whatever.....

2009-10-13T21:56:08+02:00

Now.

What I want you to do is this.

Tell all your blog budereenos what your favourite type or/and types of music is....

And then tell them all what your favourite song that DOES NOT fit into those categories is.

Let me lead by example - mainly because I have no shame or sense of impending embarrassment..

My favourite sorts of music is/are - Heavy metal, Classic rock, blues rock, blues, Techno metal noisy shouty stuff and on some occasions Cuban music.

My favourite song that does not belong in any of those categories is:

"Lovely Day" by Bill Withers.

Your go!

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He looks happy

2009-10-13T18:28:51+02:00

Mai Fone.

He looks like he is enjoying it there.

Ships and Queene Mab got this phone when Moff was about Sarahs age and then put him away a few years ago when they got some new phones. But when I found him in a cupboard upstairs I said to myself "Oh yes, You will be mine!"

So I asked and I got.

Yes I am a sad geek....

So?

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The clothing problem.

2009-10-13T09:05:59+02:00

It is officially f*cking freezing outside, especially around the 6.45am area I often find myself walking about in.

So as I shivered up the road to the station I thought to myself that maybe it would have been a good idea to start wearing the fleece under the jacket again. But that is the problem with this winter commuting thing.

You wrap yourself up all nice and warm for the trip to the station/bus stop and the inevitable wait in the cold air, and when your chosen form of transport arrives you find it is also doubling as a mobile blast furnace.

Also it will get very crowded, which only adds to the high levels of toasty-ness on board.

If you are wearing layers it is a bit difficult to strip some of them off on a crowded train and you only have to get them back on before you get off again.

Hmm, so I am faced with my two regular choices – freeze on the way to and from the station or be snug and cosy while walking and nearly die of heatstroke/dehydration on the train.

Meh.

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"Drugs and grapes! drugs and grapes!"

2009-10-12T23:04:29+02:00

Black Books....but done by puppets......

No idea frankly.

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This will be the next London Paper to become free....

2009-10-12T22:07:28+02:00

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A warm safe place.

2009-10-12T11:34:38+02:00

Books I mean. They can be very comforting and familiar.

Even new ones.

Right now I am reading “Unseen Academicals” by Terry Pratchet, and it provides a nice cozy feeling around the brain.

This is because like a lot of his books, it starts out with something odd and unexplained happening that appears to have no bearing on the rest of the story. But of course you know it will have. And there are the early pages that introduce the seemingly un-related characters that you know will be interacting with each other in various ways by the start of the second third of the book.

And of course the old familiar “faces” from the series. I am pleased to report that Lord Vetinari has made an appearance, good – I like him.

And the wizards are being there normal over eating selves.

The only down side is that the main theme of the book is…..Football.

And we all know how much I hate that game.

Mind you, this being the Discworld in general and Ankh-Morpork in particular; it is not football as we do it. No poncey pea brained clotheshorses with masses of “product” on their hair and vacuous bimbo girlfriends here.

Well not yet.

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The "Texts from last night" site.

2009-10-11T20:51:23+02:00

Has been mentioned on here before, but I have to recommend it to you myself for this text exchange I have just read.

(831): I puked off the balcony.
(1-831): Not horrible
(831): Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.

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Settling down to watch a class movie....

2009-10-10T23:28:54+02:00

With a large Martini close at had (which, along with a couple of other things has helped purge the rage I was feeling towards a certain ~~BITCH~~ ex wife)

The film classic I am viewing?

"Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus"

Should be "interesting"

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