Area 136

One of the items on our breakfast menu this morning is the Scottish delicacy "Breakfast Sausage" - which is a flat square of sausage meat.

There has been much fun had trying to say the phrase "Square Scottish Sausage" with out messing it up.

You try it.

Yup.

A linguistic phenomena from the dark lands of Essex/Dagenham is the insertion of an extra syllable in one syllable words.

It drives me nuts!

For example:

Hair is pronounced "hayer"

Milk becomes "Meeulk"

Ware and wear become "Wayer"

Floor is "Floorwa"

But you can add extra syllables to a lot of words when speaking proper Essex.

For example, the building in which I spent most of the day has one of those talking lifts but sadly they got an Essex girl to do the announcements. So when the lift informs you that the "Doors are closing" she sticks a very prominent G on the end making it sound like "Closinguh"

Drives me mental.

innit.

I was going to give you a quick and pointless lesson on how to speak "Essex" but I have decided to not bother as I am vair tired.

So am going to bed.

In my bed, from where I am typing this.

My nice soft red bed in my nice new bedroom in my nice new flat.

Did I mention.....oh hang on.

Don't want this to become another "Leather Coat" situation....

So anyway.

Goodnight and sweet dreams to you all.

Except you who had the pervy dream last night, yes you!

None of that tonight or the Nuns will come and get you.

Or summink.

As I await the arrival of Mr Flatpack and his truck, I have been doing even more shopping on line.

A tv bench and dvd player have been purchased but I was annoyed that the TV I added to my basket - which was available for delivery in two days, was suddenly out of stock when I went to pay.

So I went back and ordered one that was available for delivery in five days....so why when I place the order do they say "We will contact you by the 7th of December to arrange a delivery date"

Aaaargh!

I am out of the country for a week the week after next (confusing sentences R us) so that is a tad annoying.

Any way, it is a bit blowy in East London this morning to put it mildly. While I was outside I saw a light aircraft fly over, its nose pointing at about 20 degrees to the left of the direction it was actually heading in just to stay on course.

I don't mind, I am snug on my bean bag in the warm...

Yes you!

Because I hate to leave anyone out.

I am just a blessing and a joy to your life pickle, trust me on this one.

Anyway, what was I going on about again?.....

Oh yes.

This here post wot you is a reading of is in fact the very first one from my flat (Temporary name - "The Temple of Rock" - its a work in progress...) on mai very own wireless intermabob thingey.

I have had the email sorted for a while but just used it to read and look at stuff of a specialist interest sort of thing.....ahem.

And also tonight I am having my first solo lounge on the six foot long comfy leather bean bag that is my temporary sofa and am listening to Planet rock courtesy of my de boxed fresh from the wardrobe DAB radio and Cambirdge Audio amp and the ickle but good set of Gale speakers - none of which have pushed a watt of rock in anger for over two years.

Ahhhh.

I am liking this.

Also sleeping here tonight and not at Rancho Collapso because of a delivery in the morning from those nice people in flat pack furniture land.

So there you have it.

Or not.

A DVD storage case that can hold 170 DVD's (Hmmmm, might have to order another one) and three modular book cases for my flat.

Tomorrow a single bed sized black leather bean bag gets delivered and I was in a local shop today discussing buying a Washer Dryer.

You have no idea how grown up and happy this sort of thing makes me feel.

Yup - I am a sad little individual, so sue me!

HA!

Finally the Bod from IT has been and replaced my work PC!

He came on Thursday when I was out of the office and he was only two weeks late, but beggars can’t be choosers or whatever.

I now no longer have time to go make a coffee, have the morning pony and finish reading the Metro between signing in and the PC being ready to go – which is a bit of a culture shock, and it still wont upload windows explorer 8 so I will continue to get that message from blog about not being supported every time I log on. I know, before you techy geeks start with your “load up Firefox then!” but this is a WORK pc and Weird Inc. has structures in place to make sure our IT stays back in the dark ages for as long as possible. Firefox is equal to heresy round here and talk of it could get you burnt at the stake for witchcraft.

Among all the taking Sarah for horse riding lessons and stuff this weekend I got to pop some stuff over to the flat – Sarah wanted to come and see her newly constructed bed and try it out.

When we walked in I was very pleased to note that it was decidedly toasty in there, as opposed to the normal chill that greets you. This is because I have worked out how to use that most mysterious of heating systems THE NIGHT STORAGE HEATER!

And also because I managed to change the fuse for the heater in the hall, which was doing nothing but steadfastly remaining cold and sulking. So cold weather this Xmas holds no fear for me as Sarah and I will be snug as two invertebrates in a woven floor covering.

So now I really should get on with yet another re-write of my CV seeing as I have the speedy new computer, but the closer I get to the end of writing this post and starting said task, the heavier the weight of “meh” seems to get on my shoulders.

I suppose I could change the background colours on my desktop to something less lurid, the lime green I have chosen is clashing rather nicely with the purple dialogue boxes but I fear for my retinas.

Have a good day people.

A chocolate Goddess.

And she tastes Gooooooooooooood!

Meh.

Broke the little toe on my left foot when I collided with Sarah at the bottom of a waterslide in Cyprus years ago.

Maybe I should take my boot off and see if the bruising has got any darker since this morning.

The toe has felt cold and numb all day.

Damn bedside cabinets!

Ho hum.

I was young, bored and without work.

I wanted some adventure, excitement and glamour in my life.

So I decided to apply to the Secret Services.

I wanted to become a spy.

But, as with so much in my life - I made a little mistake.

I filled in the application forms, passed the interview but due to my Dyslexia, rather than a glamorous life of Vodka Martinis, Aston Martins and watches that could undo a womans evening gown, I spent three weeks in the summer working for MFI......

meh.

I mean, it would be quite funny if "Fuck off spammer" actually appears on the wonderful "popular tags" bit on the front of blog....I mean I type it often enough.

Mind you it is getting just sooooo hard to find any spammers on this site though.

ahem.

In other news, my headboard arrived yesterday and was put on my bed last night. I am now fully able to tie people down and do rude things to them.

Yes, the only way anyone will let me do rude things to them is if I tie them down...meh.

God I need more coffee, I am going a bit odd in da heed.

Shadoof in one of my favourite words, possibly because of its near onomatopoeia.

Also my computer is making a quiet little pinging/whistling sound that is almost exactly like the scanners used by the space marines in “Aliens” and we all know what happened to them.

Now I think I really need a coffee.

A luverly fluffy message greeted me just now as I signed on to blog UK

"Edit your tags!

Due to changes to the tag system some of your tags have been removed. You can edit them here."

Erm....

Fuck off darlink blog.....

If you have a problem with my tags, YOU edit them.

After all, this site is made by YOU and not us after all.

Hmmm, I wonder how long I have until I can turn down renewing my pro membership.....

Sunday Stealing: The Stolen Sex Meme

1. Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with?
Oh god yes, sorry folks.....it could be you!

2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
Why thank you that would be nice, but can we break for coffee and cigarettes?

3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Either - when I am with someone they can choose. On my own I sleep in the middle.

4. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
Have you seen this body? As if.

5. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?
Oh yes. Old Nurses homes have big baths that you can easily get two people in, both laying down. Sex in a shower needs care - those cold tiles can be a shock!

6. Do you watch/read pornography?
I am a man with an internet connection - you work it out.

7. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
Well, I don't mind being in bed with an equal - both of you trying to make the other as happy and satisfied as possible. But I am also happy to be as sadistic as the person I am with wants me to be - so passive I suppose.

8. Do you love someone on your blogroll?
I actually first read that question as "Bog roll" and wondered how I was going to answer that one. And it is none of your business either way.

9. Would you choose love or money?
Love can make you feel so alive it hurts. And can hurt you so much you feel dead. Money can pay for a house for you to be happy or sad in. Tough choice.

10. Your top three favorite kinks in bed?
I wish I had read all of this before deciding to do it, or read a few other peoples responses to see how open they had been. I have mentioned the sadist thing already....erm, that's enough.

11. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?
Don't understand that one. Never been in bed with anyone and thought "Oh hang on! that's a bit much!" But I have had friends who have done things that have just made me think "Oh god you idiot. Why did you do that!"

12. Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?
Anywhere with someone I loved. Romance is where your heart is.

13. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
In a bedroom. Well I have told the story before about how I lost my virginity detailing the fact that there was another couple in the bed and one of my friends in a revolving leather chair at the end of the bed, standing up with his lighter lit above his head, spinning round saying "look at me! I'm a lighthouse! I'm a lighthouse!" That was pretty fucking weird....

14. Have you ever been caught having sex?
Yep, have told this one before - got caught by a girlfriend getting a BJ from another girl....and got away with it.

15. Ever been to a bar just to get sex?
No.

16. Ever been picked up in a bar?
Yup.

17. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
Yes.

18. Had sex in a movie theater?
No.

20. Had sex in a bathroom?
Yes. One occasion at a party. The line of people waiting when we came out gave us such dirty looks!

21. Have you ever had sex at work?
No, but did "get off" with a very hot temp in the store room a few times - as in removal and rearranging of clothing but not full sex.

22. Bought something from an adult store?
Ho yus.

23. Do you own any sex toys?
No, but have acted as "Technical advisor" on a few shopping trips

24. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?
Quite possibly.

25. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
Isn't that the game where you call them the wrong name and try to "Stay on"? Sex Buckaroo or summink.....

26. Do you think oral sex constitutes as a form of intercourse?
If you are doing it to each other at the same time it can be just as good as f*cking.

27. What's your favorite sexual position?
I find with the right person one possition can be as good as another, with the wrong person you could use all the harnesses and toys in the world and it would still be rubbish. But I like it when she is on top, or I am behind, or when we are both wrapped around one another and moving slowly and deeply and........sorry it just got a bit hot in here.

28. What's your favorite sex act?
Act three, just after the interval.

29. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?
Yes.

30. How many bloggers do you think will post this meme this week?
Who knows, Sunday is a slow day.

I have been enjoying a rather full on cold of late – NOT flu of swine or any other variety.

Later today I will be sharing my germs with a trainload of north bound travellers as I go up to Edinburgh yet again.

Was up there last weekend to see all the fire dancers and stuff (see Queene Mabs blog for piccies) I did take some pictures myself but didn’t think the results are that good. I need to sort out what settings work best for nighttime shooting on my camera.

Maybe I should just place my equipment in the capable hands of AJ and let him fiddle with it until it works properly in dim light…

Yes that sentence was designed for optimum “Snrk!” –age, knock yourselves out. Consider it an early Xmas gift.

The journey should take less time than it did last weekend. Due to engineering works it took Six hours both ways last time! Mainly because on arrival at Newcastle, the train reversed out and had to go over to the west coast line and go up from there. Same on the way back but being a Sunday and the end of half term it was even more rammed.

The “helpful” train staff kept making announcements trying to coerce the standing passengers to get off and get on the train “just behind this one which has seats available”. A young girl we were talking to (because she was stood next to our table) said that they had said exactly the same thing on the train she was on – the one in front of ours – about this one. But she had waited an hour for our train to arrive and the overcrowding was worse! So she stayed put and eventually got a seat.

I know flying to Edinburgh is quicker but I really like not having to deal with airport security, also I like the fact that if I buy anything I don’t have to worry about cramming it in my hand luggage to stop a little Hitler type taking it off of me.

Anyway.

Going up to belatedly celebrate Moffs birthday.

What ya doing then?

1. Do you have a favourite part of Autumn?

The nuts.
Seriously though, I like the fog and the crispness of the air and the colours of the leaves. Living near a forest is good in early Autumn.

2. “It’s too cold to snow!” Do you think it ever is?

It seems to manage it well enough at the poles and its pretty parky up/down there.
But I think this comes from the fact that cloud cover increases the temperature slightly, so if it does snow – it is cloudy and therefore it must be a bit warmer than when the skies were clear and you were seriously freezing your nuts off. Its relative, or a by-law….or a tradition…..or an old charter or something.

3. Do you feel there is still a place for British Summer Time or should we just stop changing the clocks?

Hmmm, I have no strong feelings either way. It mainly seems to be a H&S concern over lighting levels but we do have street lights nowadays no? For me getting up when it is dark is not a problem – I don’t get S.A.D. but I do find waking up in the early hours confusing. In the summer at least you know if it is dark you can safely go back to sleep, in the winter you wonder if you have woken up because you have slept through the alarm and have to check the time.

I remember a great conversation in a squat way back – room full of stoned hungover people laying around in a darkened room, curtains open to reveal the dark sky. A voice calls out “Anyone know what the time is?” a voice calls back “Seven O’clock” – a pause as the questioner obviously looks at the sky outside…”Which one?!”

4. Are there certain meals you only eat in certain seasons (Salad in summer, stew in winter)?

I really like all the thick rich stews and soups that we eat at this time of year. Eating the same thing would seem a bit heavy on a hot summer night. Mind you, When in Cyprus I would happily eat slow cooked cuts of meat in rich wine sauces on the hottest nights…Salad in winter is just wrong!

5. Autumn is…?

A time of low angled sunlight, making trees already burning with colour even brighter. A time of early dark and rising ground mist, the sound of dead leaves cracking underfoot.

Or summink.

Blog says that tags can now only be five words long!

What about the long winded amongst us! Bloody cheek.

And nearly every single tag I have ever put on a post has been deleted because of this new rule.

Where the hell are we blogging - FUCKING ISLINGTON!?

(I should explain, I hate islington because they are the people that fine mothers when their children drop litter. Nazi bastards basically)

I know you won't see this as you seldom blog, but here it is anyway.

I am proud to have you as my God-daughter.

Hope today is a great one.

Love you.

(I have also - by the way, discovered some photos of you when you were about seven playing that plastic guitar that I got you one christmas. You remember the one that your mum and dad made sure went to Grannies for when you stayed over because of the noise it made. I was thinking of blogging them......but I will save your blushes.)

See you at the weekend.

x

Just been doing a spot of on line learning – nothing exciting, just how to use a presentation programme.

I had the audio content turned on because I thought maybe the droning computerised American accented voice would help the facts go in…big mistake.

One of the very few issues I have with American English is how they seem to be trying to save time by saying the word “and” as little as possible. Constantly on this training programme Mr America says “Two thousand seven” instead of “Two thousand and seven”.

Arrrgh!

“It” is another time saving casualty: “I hate when…” instead of “I hate it when…”

I hate it when they do that.

What do they do with all the milliseconds they save during the year by doing this?
Do they add them all up at the end and figure that they have saved an hour or so?

Then do what with it…

Buy more guns? Eat more burgers? Invade more countries for oil?….

Americans…odd little things ain’t they.

It is one all of us office workers are familiar with.

The IT man has said he will be here in the morning to install a new PC and take my old gasping heap of a computer to the great hardware dump in the sky, so you get in early and start the waiting.

And as you have something much better to be doing with your time you KNOW the bastard won’t be here much before lunch.

So you spend some time sending the important documents that you have sitting on your desktop to your own email address as he is bound to loose them or copy them in a format that your new pc will translate into “windings” or something you can’t read.

And you drink coffee and try not to feel cold in the chill of a Monday morning office.

Meh.