Area 136

So says the song, but I really hope I am not taking any of this bloody indecisive English weather with me tomorrow!

I can’t stand all this bright sunshine one-minute and torrential rain the next – MAKE UP YOUR BLOODY MIND! It is quite cold outside at the moment and I don’t want any of that over there.

Last things that need to be done before the off:

Get hair cropped in that nice little barbers in Soho.

Go to art supply shop nearby and get a small sketchpad and some pencils for Sarah to put in her hand luggage.

Go home and empty all the everyday crap out of my backpack (you would be amazed at the amount of random crap I have mistakenly taken on holiday with me)

Fill backpack with hand luggage type stuff and clear toiletries bag (to wave at the smiling and helpful security staff as I negotiate the machine that goes PING!)

Possibly re-check my suitcase contents as it was packed under the influence of one or two drinkies.

Play my guitar, as I will miss it for two weeks.

Hug Sarah when she turns up and then let Moff have a go (she has missed Sarah)

I think that is it……

Summer's here, school's out and the weather is rubbish so here is the FF Summer holiday edition!

1. Where are you heading for your holiday this summer?
Tomorrow I am off to Ibiza with Sarah, ships and QM, later this year I am off to Mexico (taking the swine flu back where it came from!) and there are weekends away to Amsterdam, Poland and Edinburgh (obviously) on the cards.

2. Is it going to be a camping, hotel or even a caravan type holiday?

HOTEL! I have done my share of camping. The great outdoors is fine but it could do with an en-suite and roomservice.

3. Do you travel light or insist on taking 4 suitcases with the kitchen sink in?

For the next two weeks Sarah and I have one small suitcase each, we were going to share but you girls take far too many shoes..Weekends away are done by backpack stuffed with clothes.

4. Do you prefer a beach holiday topping up the tan or do you do all the sightseeing you can cram in?

I sort of like both. I want to go see some stuff and also want some days lazing around. A historic ancient beach would probably be a good compromise..

5. Will you go by train, car, plane or boat?

Plane, a boat would be interesting but take far too long.

Eeeep!

The first practice session for the hungarinan Grand Prix is on BBC sports F1 page in less than 10 minutes!

Must dash and have the morning pony.

And socks.

A two-week holiday is looming and I have decided that I need some “airport” socks.

“Airport” socks are basically socks with no holes in the toe – you know that if you bung on any old pair of socks to travel in they will have a hole in the toe and therefore you WILL be the one asked to take his shoes off when going through security. – Hence “airport” socks.

So I will have to go down to M&S and get some, and while I am down there I think I may as well get some new underpants as well.

Yes, being a typical bloke the only time I every think about buying new pants is when I go on holiday. Otherwise they just get worn until all that washing and wearing takes its toll. I have actually had the elastic give up on a pair that I was wearing one morning on the way to work.

So thank god for holidays for without them my underwear would be in a sorry state.

I have not long arrived at work and I immediately went about the most vital aspects of my working day – I made myself a large strong mug of black coffee, turned the computer on and went for the morning pony.

In the toilets was a female cleaner, polishing the mirrors over the sinks and cleaning the taps – no problem, I wanted to use the cubicle anyway so in I went.

“Ahhh” I thought “Now to un-pack that morning fudge”

“Hang on! No you bloody don’t! there is a strange woman out there and I don’t like the idea of her listening to me dropping the kids off at the pool!” said my steadfastly clenched “starfish”

“Don’t be so uptight” said my bowels “It’s getting bloody crowded in here, let go will ya!”

“Nope. Shan’t! I have my standards” said my bum.

So I flushed the toilet – don’t know why – and washed my hands (the woman was still cleaning) smiled at her and left.

So I could not have a dump with a strange woman in the same room. How odd…

Mind you, if we had been married or going out with each other for six months it would not have mattered if she was in the bath right next to the toilet, it would have been a case of “Oh sorry darling, I really gotta go….ahhhhh. so how has your day been?”

Oh well.

Inspired by another blogger who recently did a "Vlog" or "Vblog" or what ever the effin hell it was, I thought I would have a go doing a vid thing via the inbuilt web cam in my lappy.

So somewhere on this lappy is a test vid of me looking chubby (sitting too close to the web cam honest - those chins are an optical illusion) with my dark eyes wizzing around in my head as I try to work out what is going on, and then getting a text from someone and stupidly reading it out and saying on camera "Typical! I am experimenting with new things and get a text...ah, it says - 'My halo has slipped' Hmmm, that could be a bonus"

Now excuse me because I am feeling all confused by tech and have to find this vid and delete it.

Because I look a tad manic.....and are my eyes actually that big!?

And do my eyebrows actually run around my forehead like two mental caterpillars on speed in real life?

God I may never go out again.....

Certainly not going to do any video blogs...........

God I am SO bored. Supremely bored. So bored I can think of absolutely nothing to blog about! So why am I doing this post you cry, my poor beleaguered 0.5 of a reader? BECAUSE I AM THAT BORED! Christ this office is dull. And quiet. I fear greatly for my sanity. Oh sod it. I can’t even be bothered with this anymore.

Yes is it the Birthday of the Queen of the dirty laugh, the wonderful

SUBBERS!

Have some cake, a wee swally and something for after

Have a good one.

XXX

There are an awful lot of blogs appearing on here that are just trying to sell stuff.

I check the new user list sometimes and am amazed by the stuff people are trying to sell us.

Garden Sheds, Human Growth Hormone, Handbags, Clothing, Houses in holiday destinations, Travel, Bathroom and kitchen cabinets…..c’mon guys – sod off!

Anyway, as with any new users you can invite these people to join a group, so I was thinking of starting a group for these people and inviting them to join it when ever I spot one.

The group name would be:

FUCK OFF YOU SPAMMING C*NT!

Or I might not bother.

I got a message from Farce book the other evening.

“Dear Nick, you have not been on farce book for a while, you have been poked twice and have been invited to some groups”

Fuck off you needy attention seeking website!

The reason I have not been on is

A – I have no bloody use for the damn place -I do not think that a site that seems to only be used by the police to get info on which party to waste a lot of taxpayers money on by busting up is the sort of thing I am going to be on a lot.

B – it is banned at work and when I get home to the lappy I really can’t be bothered.

I had no idea they would pester me about it.

So might have to just cancel my profile, or actually give it one more go.

When I get home.

If I can be bothered.

Does Blog.co.uk nag you if you haven’t been on for a while?

And what next from Farce book

“Dear Nick, we notice that after our message you still have not logged on so we have taken the liberty of alerting the Police and Ambulance services as we are worried you are lying at the bottom of the stairs in a broken heap. Why else would you not use our wonderful site. We here hope you are not too dead and look forward to you coming back to the warm bosom of the farce book community”

Hope you have a fantastic time and are on the receiving end of a huge pile of goodies.

And maybe one day you will tell us why there are so many x's in your user name....are you really that x rated?

Have a good one.

xx

I am sitting here waiting for an important call back on my mobile. No point phoning the person back as they are in a meeting and will call me as soon as they are free.

So now of course I reeeeeeeeeeely need to go to the toilet.

And I am NOT taking the mobile with me, because I am not having an important conversation while "crimping off a length"

Maybe that curry last night was not such a good idea.....

Bugger!

I have spent some of today trying to find out some things, bits of information that I need or phone numbers I will need to call soon.

I am doing it on a PC that keeps telling me “Your virtual memory is low”

No, I think you will find YOUR virtual memory is at fault. I know my memory is rubbish thank you, but at least it is a real organic memory.

Also on the front of the black and silver carcass there is a sticker that says “Designed for Windows XP. It is loaded with Windows 2000…..oh well.

Another sticker says it has a Pentium 4 chip. Just the one, no dual or quad core malarkey here.

So this troll through cyber space has left me looking at a lot of “blue bars” filling up VERY slowly from left to right. Sometimes so slowly that the only way I can tell they are doing anything is to put the cursor on the end of where they appear to have made camp and checking back a minute later to see that they have advanced about two pixels further on from the pointer.

Arse.

So I have found one useful phone number and got nowhere with my other information quest. Meh.

Of course it does not help the speed of connection that it is lunchtime and everybody else in the company is on the net as well.

Probably blogging about how rubbish their computers are…….

QM, Ships and the Moff plus me, in a car on Saturday morning and off to Glastonbury via Avebury.

We all did a tad of shopping in the Henge shop and I have four fantastic marble dinner plates with fossils in them! the look fantastic but weigh a TON!

Moff got some goodies too and we loaded up the car and went to Glastonbury, there was a walk about the sites and then a curry, then off to bed in our half built travelodge thingamy on a very romantic industrial estate just outside town. Well it was only somewhere to sleep after all.

Then up today and into town, a quick brekkie in a cafe in the market square then off the the Chalice well gardens to say hi to the goddess. Then MORE shopping and I nearly bought a really cool/over the top Pirate coat - full length, big cuffs and loads of buttons, but at £155 it was a bit much for something that I would probably only put on when twating about in too much eye-liner and a headscarf.

Moff and QM were in the shop for so long that Ships and I were allowed to go to the pub and consume pints of cloudy local cider.

Nom!

Journey home was SHITE! accidents caused major tailbacks and then the inevitable roadworks on the M25 meant we only got back here at 9.30 after fecking hours on the road.

BUT.

It was a great weekend.

Even if we got rained on a bit.

I love it here.

Moff is in da house! YAY!

And we are vaguely celebrating.....something.

But now it is all gonna get a bit silly.

I have just asked Ships to make me a "U-Boot"

google it.

Oh well....

BOTTOMS UP!

Well, thanks for that tag.

I know I may be a tad "over stimulated in the nervous department" but do you have to tell the entire blogsphere?

Who invented profile tags anyway.....

The weekend is almost upon us kiddwinkies!

My plans so far are to do what I am told. Basically we (with the addition of The Moff who is down from the cold place) are off out bright and early tomorrow to go and see stuff. Much travelling in the car and chants of “are we there yet?” or “God I feel hung over, open a window!” from the back seat.

And it looks like the weather could be a tad moist for wandering up hills and around gardens. Better dress appropriately then, where did I put that wet suit?

But tonight we will probably have a few drinkies to welcome Moff home and to celebrate something good that should be happening today for me.

There will also probably be some food consumed, well I hope so. I’m bloody hungry now!

And before that even, when I get back to Rancho Collapso I may go ten rounds with a double locking Trem unit on Gizmo – my sticker covered super strat “bitsa” guitar, because it needs new strings. I hate re-stringing locking tremolos but it has to be done.

Edit - BASTARD TREMELO UNITS! just slackening off the strings, pushed the trem arm down to allow me to get at the allen bolts that clamp the strings into the bridge and the fucking trem arm SNAPPED OFF!
C*NT. Will have to buy a new one of tinternet now...bugger.

Of course I could chicken out and just continue fiddling about with the amp in search of a sound that will be “the best guitar sound ever” for five minutes.

Anyway,

Whatever you are doing I hope it all goes well and you have fun.

Tolly the cat is sitting next to me on the sofa.

He is asleep.

And he is SNORING!

Snoring cats are WEIRD man!

Someone in the office has just uttered something that should (and would if I was in charge) get then crucified upside down to the back of a truck forever going round the M25.

"So what are we doing about our Christmas drink up this year?"

FUCK OFF!

As you may have seen, yesterday I set myself the task of posting at least six times in the day.

I did, and they were mainly just rubbish as I said they would be. The purpose was to see if it would re-ignite my blogging fire.

Hmmmm, not sure if it did. We shall see.

In other news, I am only doing this post in my role of King Procrastinatus and really should be doing something far more productive instead.

so there.

Ho hum.

Happy Birthday to the yummiest of yummy mummies, satellite confuser extraordinaire, Sixy!

Hope you manage to have a great day.

x

I have decided what the softest fluffiest thing I have ever touched is.

(Calm down! No smut here!)

The softest fluffiest thing you can touch is that patch of fur just behind the base of the ears on either a longhaired cat or dog,

God I have far too much time on my hands………

What do Fish eat on Fridays?

Last night QM, Ships and I had a very nice Italian meal in a place called Unico (which makes it sound like some on-line novelty goods emporium) near to where they live.

As is her wont, QM ordered an extra portion of chips because she believes that Italian restaurant chips are among the finest in the world.

The ones that arrived were indeed wondrous – golden brown and crisp on the outside with a perfect texture within.

This made me think of the little fish and chip restaurant that we sometimes go to in Walton on the Naze. It is a typical seaside chip shop, with fishing nets hanging in the window, net floats and pictures of sea views on the walls. The fish there is very well cooked but their chips let the dishes down – they are brown and a bit sad looking.

So I mentioned that if we had the Chips from Unico and the fish from Walton we would have the perfect fish and chips.

Now that got me thinking. What would be your favourite “composite meal”?

Choose something from one restaurant that would be great with a dish from another, go nuts.

For example your favourite main dish from one place with your favourite side order or starter from another – you can mix countries if you want, why not have an Indian starter dish with a Chinese main course? Or a number of different dishes in one style of cooking but from different restaurants?

Well it is nearly lunchtime and it may help to stoke your appetites.

Or not.

(I would love to be able to say I wrote this, but it was sent to me by a friend)

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.

Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.

Both subsequently died in the ambulance and the PCT set up an enquiry,
which came to the following conclusions:

1. The 50 mile journey to the nearest casualty department was in the
couples' best interests.

2. The fact that there was no local bed in which Jack could mend his
head was unfortunate but no targets had been breached and he had been
offered a choice.

3. The lack of vinegar and brown paper was not material to the man's
death as NICE had not yet decided whether it was cost-effective and in
any case both the brown paper nurse and the vinegar nurse were away on
courses.

4. The GP was most to blame and should be suspended and referred to
the GMC as he had:

a. Not reported Jack and Jill's lack of water to social services;

b. Failed to recognise that anyone going UP the hill to fetch a pail
of water must be seriously demented;

c. Had not involved the Falls Coordinator which resulted in Jill
tumbling after Jack.

Ladies and Gents, when you get on a tube and have to stand up, take your bags/backpacks off and hold them down in front of you or put them on the floor. There is more space down there because we are narrower at the leg end – that is why coffins are that shape after all.

I am really fed up with thinking I have got lucky only to find out it is some womans bag that is rubbing against my arse, or getting whacked in the back by some blokes parachute sized back pack - very annoying (and why they give you such looks when you violently elbow it away while smiling manically at them I will never know)

And don’t get me started on people who put their bags on the seat next to them when it is busy!

A text arrives.

“Im stuk in traffic, can u let tl kno plz. Its raff”

Do I text back and say “Actually you have the wrong number. And fuck off with your text speak you utter knob”

Do I bollocks.

Sorry Raff dear boy, not in a Good Samaritan mood today.

When you get to where ever it is tl is waiting, you can try the “But I texted to explain!” bit.

And try leaving earlier next time.

Right.

All this being too bored to blog has got to stop.

It is odd, but as a number (but not all) of my favourite bloggers have stopped blogging regularly I seem to have run out of steam on the posting front as well.

Which is odd because I have a lot of time on my hands at the moment.

Maybe all the other events in my life have been more to the forefront of what I laughingly call “my brain”

So today I am going to attempt at least Six posts.

Oh shut up! You don’t HAVE to read them.

Yes, just like the old days the majority of them will be short and to the pointless but I have decided that I need the challenge.

Maybe it will re light my enthusiasm for spouting cobblers all over the interwebnet thingamey.

You have been warned.

Also like manor from heaven I have just received a text that is (very) marginally interesting.

You may look very smart in your business suit, but could I – on behalf of the general commuting public – just point out one thing?

After the recent very hot weather in which you obviously wore your suits to work every day could you perhaps GET THEM DRY CLEANED BECAUSE YOU FUCKING STINK!

God, on the train home last night a suited guy stank so bad (and had no bloody idea obviously – How could he not smell himself) that I gasped out loud, and the group of girls forced to stand near him were giving each other meaningful looks, scrunching their faces up and tilting their heads at him in a very pointed way.

I backed off as far as I could in the crowded conditions but came within the underarm radiation fallout zone of another suit wearer! Thankfully he didn’t smell quite so rancid as the other bloke.

If the interior of the Nostromo had been lined with the suit material from the first guys suit they could have blown the Alien away with no worries about the acid blood eating through the hull, because it must have been made of strong stuff to not be dissolving away to nothing given the stench of him!

So suity guys – if you don’t want the pretty young things on the tube and in the office to be making faces behind your back, CLEAN YOUR CLOTHES YOU MINGING BASTARDS!

Last night, Sarah wrote a little poem while spending the evening at Rancho Collapso.

"Cat trying to get out of the window,
trying to get through with his paws.
Trying to push the window open,
At last gives up and ignores.
Sneaks into the dinning room,
finds there's nothing much do.
Lays asleep on the stair and when I woke him up
He didn't care"

Written in multicoloured pencil on a scrap of paper.

Two turns on The Vampire....One spent with us both making Devil horn signs as we hurtled round.

Three rides on Dragons Fury....last one, yep Devil horns again...she is a kid and so am I and we ROCK.

Two voyages on the Black Buccaneer...hands in the air...yep, horns again....

And a session of Bear building at the "Build a Bear" shop...Well ok, I went for a pint (and had my "you're not cool any more" demons silenced by some young random girl walking past and saying "I really like your earings")

And some food.

And some ice cream.

And some queue jumpers GRRRR!

And not much in the way of rain or queues (so why those people jumped the queue I have no idea) so it was fun.

God being a parent is so hard.

Mind you, QM would say it is hard being a Godmother as she is the kind soul that drove us there.

Mira takes the Open University big question approach – “Whom do you consider as ‘Ideal models’, which men and women (of past or present) do you appreciate and admire most? Why?”

Which I suspect clocks in as three questions, but never mind. No one person is an ideal model for anything. Great athletes may have great dedication and fitness but be absolute evil in a relationship. Great statesmen could be raging alcoholics behind closed doors, and every one of us – no matter how well thought of or kind to fluffy bunnies we may be – has something not very admirable in our makeup.

Idontknowwhy – asked “If you had to be a woman for the day, and you could be anyone, who would you be?”

You are all expecting me to say Angelina/Nigella or something and say I would just stay in videoing myself doing naughty things for review by the male me the day after BUT..

I think it would be good to spend the day as “a woman” just someone in a similar job to me in London, just doing the normal getting on with life thing. Just to see what difference genders makes to it and maybe gain an insight or two. Oh and it would be someone NOT on their period. Trust me I am bad tempered and emotional enough as it is without all that going on.

Rampers – “If you woke up to find everyone else frozen for the day, meaning that you could do ANYTHING you wanted without fear of repercussion for a day, what would you do?”

Well lets just say this – The day after, Vintage and Rare Guitars would wonder where their stock had gone, as would Jerry’s off licence in Soho. The Queen would be furiously demanding her footmen to find out who shaved all her Corgis. Many politicians would be waking up with mystery black eyes, in bed with other politicians. National newspapers would be finding lots of very interesting photos arriving in the post, and Nigella Lawson would be wondering where all her knickers had gone. Including the ones she went to sleep in…..

Miza-t “Who’s your favourite Guitarist? (and you can only choose one)”

NOT FAIR!

Paul Gilbert can play anything and has a sense of humour in his music, but the most influential guitarist on me was Brian Robertson…so I will say him.

Shipscook – “Do you know where I left my sunglasses?”

Hooked into Machinegun betties cleavage.

(Sorry, I tend to go on a bit. Love the sound of my own typing..)

That erudite professional freelance journalist Rowtheboat asked the searching question: “When did you start masturbating?” (Visions of a hand shooting up at a white house press conference and Mr Obama saying “Yes, Ms The Boat from the times?…When did I start WHAT!”)

Anyway, Tempted as I am to say “the first time you walked in the room” I will have to say probably the minute I had the hand-eye coordination sorted enough to latch onto the little fella.

Chyna Doll asked, “Who was your first celebrity crush?”

I had to think about this one, and the answer was disturbing – Marc Bolan. Well he was bloody confusing to a young pre pubescent boy. He could play guitar well and was pretty. I am fine now honest.

Landers asked “Which blogger do you hope also does this meme?”

Tough one actually. It should be someone I don’t know very well or someone I want to put on the spot…but I will just say YOU landers baby. Because I think you would not hide much.

Malakeas asked “How old where you when you lost your virginity you wee scamp?”

18. There ya go, simple. I won’t bore you with the story about the other couple in the bed at the time or the fact that a friend of ours was standing on a spinning revolving arm chair, holding his lighter over his head saying “Look at me – I’m a lighthouse”. I am amazed I could get it up under those circumstances.

Mattk asked “What’s the worst shag you’ve ever had?” which leads me to think a career as a free lance journalist is right up his street.

It was a girl from Queensbury, looked tall and willowy dressed, a bag of bones undressed. And she wore too much make up. You know sometimes when you are with someone it all goes so right? You move together flowingly, you touch each other right, it all just works – well this didn’t on any level. Awkward and totally without any fire passion or spark. No I didn’t marry her.

Sweeeeeety mon asked “Favourite holiday destination?”

I need to see a lot more of the world before making that statement. But I used to go to Cyprus a lot and stay at the same hotel each time. Loved it – nothing fancy, just a nice family run 2 star hotel with some nice pools and lots of good restaurants very close.

Rithompson – “Did you ever get detention at school?”

I had to think about that one……….No. Did get the cane once for something very minor.

Kendersrule – “Your biggest regret?”

Probably something I haven’t done. Like saying yes to running away to India with a gorgeous girl, or trying to kiss certain people…or learning to drive.

Miss-Anthropy came up with “Is there a one that got away?”

Obviously.

Milly came up with the very profound “Blogger you most wanna do”

Well it is like this. On a purely physical aesthetic level, yes – there are a number of female bloggers that I would love to “do”. But if/when I meet these bloggers they are just friends who I will treat with respect as individuals…even though I may want to hump them until one of us starts bleeding…

Trintrin – “Ever woken up in a strange place after a good old piss up?”

Yes – Edinburgh.

Part two up soon.

see more Lol Celebs

Started by la_spice,

What do you want to know?

As a blog friend, I'm giving each of you the opportunity to ask me one question about me.

I'll try my best to answer every one, but reserve the right not to.

Ahem.

Had a very nice Kebab from a nearby kebabery last night at Rancho Collapso. But there is one thing about the way they are served now that just annoys me.

(Warning – yes this post is going to turn into one of those “when I was a lad” type things a bit further down)

Why do they have to give them to you in a polystyrene box now!

All it does is make the pita bread go soggy!

Then you can’t pick the damn thing up and have to dismantle it and eat it out of the box. This is not the way you should eat kebabs!

You should hold them up to your face like some big meat stuffed mouth organ and Nom away, dropping bits of salad and chilli sauce all over the place. Normally down the late night high street – said trail of salad should leave a nicely weaving path for all who come later to follow. It’s tradition…or a bye law….or an old charter or something.

These modern box soggy kebabs are slipperier and harder to grip than a naked and freshly baby oiled Nigella Lawson!

(Pauses to enjoy that mental image…oh my….)

When I was in my prime kebab eating days, my early 20’s I suppose – kebabs came just wrapped in paper, which would be peeled back and allow you to get a grip on the bread as well, and then chow down without much problem.

And the chilli sauce of today? What is going on with that then?

What has happened to the chilli sauce of my youth that used to make it feel like your gums were dissolving? Stuff so hot that it would make your scalp start to sweat the minute you took a bite?

Still, it was a good kebab in its own modern way.

I am probably just suffering that delusion us old folks get where everything was better when you were younger.

Next thing you know I will be standing in a bus queue talking to total strangers about the weather………..

I just had to go out for a little walk and a ciggie, as everyone in this room was yakking about Michael bloody Jackson and his memorial and where his brain is or whether he had real hair or not or whether he was any good...

AAAARRRRGH!

It's worse than being in the office during the world cup!

SHUTTHEFUCKUP!

Seven things you will find in your room.
1 The bed, its under there somewhere.
2 One of the cats doing something very suspicious.
3 Graphic novels.
4 Crystal Salt lamp thing.
5 a box full of little boxes with fx pedals inside them.
6 Piles of clothes that just will NOT fit in brimming drawers.
7 Me.

Seven relationship questions:
1 Do you like anyone? – Oh yeah…quite a few people actually. Some more than others.
2 Does someone like you? – I believe so.
3 Last kiss? – This morning.
4 Been lead on? – funny you should ask that
5 Been cheated on? – Probably.
6 Want a relationship – Yes, for at least two hours. Then I want pizza!
7 Want to get married – fuck RIGHT off!

Seven other things – Do you:
1 Believe in God? – Not the one you mean.
2 Had a dream come true – No, I could never afford that much baby oil…
3 Read the Newspaper – Yup, gotta live the old rock n’ roll lifestyle eh..
4 Get enough sleep everyday – No, hardly ever.
5 Have a best friend? – Yes thank god.
6 take a bath daily? – No, I shower every day. Baths are for relaxation.
7 Wish on stars? – HA! Not anymore.

Seven “Have you ever”s
1 Fallen in love? – Yup, five times and that is IT! no more EVER OK!
2 Kissed someone of the same sex? – Yes.
3 Hooked up with someone who had a BF/GF – Yes.
4 Been to a Bonfire? – Zzzzz. Yes.
5 Ran away from home? – Not when I was a kid…..
6 Played strip poker? – No…Hmmm. Don’t actually know how to play poker.
7 Pulled an all nighter? – Yes.

Seven things in the last 24 Hours. Have you:
1 Cried? – Almost.
2 Had fun? - Yes thanks.
3 Been kissed? – Yes.
4 Felt stupid? – Hugely!
5 Talked to an ex? – Yes.
6 Missed someone – Yes, but not now.
7 Listened to music – Yes.

Seven things on your mind.
1 The flat.
2 The house.
3 How wrong I can be.
4 How hot it is in here.
5 Inappropriate thoughts about someone with no clothes on.
6 Getting a key for this bloody desk
7 Not messing things up.

Seven things you couldn’t live without.
1 Friendship
2 Intimacy.
3 Love.
4 Fun.
5 Music
6 Guitar
7 Another Guitar.

I made a few discoveries over Sunday/Monday.

I discovered that someone that I cared about a hell of a lot, never actually got to know me at all.

They believed that I had done something malicious and nasty and as a result had been avoiding me.

If they actually knew anything about me or about how much I cared about them they would have known that it was not me.

I got so very angry with them for believing something so wrong that the anger burnt away all the concern I had been feeling, all the affection, all the friendship. If they could be that wrong about me, they didn't deserve to have me as a friend, or anything else.

So I am free of all that shit.

Mind you, the person that did the malicious nasty deed is probably on this blogsite.

And if I find out who you are and why you are trying to mess up aspects of my private life, I swear I will make your own life very "interesting"

Butterflies and wild flowers...

Skiffs and yachts out on the water, tacking in to the wind with a crackle of sails as they come about..

laying on the sand in the sun..

The Gulls calling to no one in particular..

Breathing slowly, relaxing slowly..shakes going away.

"You feeling better now baby?"

"Mmmmm, let me sleep. Yes."

Watching Thin Lizzy rocking out on BBC Three...

Ah the days of my youth...

EDIT

Me so drunk, they are on bbc four.

And about to finish....

ahem.

Still I have enjoyed it.

One - use the internet while you are even ever so slightly drunked.

Two - Go shopping on the internet while the above stated state is in effect.

Pray for me people.

I could end up with a ludicrously shaped lava lamp or a Russian Bride!

Well.

Life is a learning curve after all......

As some new age nutter probably said sometime somewhere...

Blame Bearcub for this, I mentioned that I had a load of fx pedals and he wanted a list – was going to do it in a pm but decided that you could all share the joy/boredom.

1 – Boss DM100 analogue delay. (Big black box from the early ‘80’s)

2 – Boss DD3 Digital delay. (Small echo pedal as seen under almost every guitarists foot at sometime)

3 – Boss Dimension C. (‘80’s Stereo Chorus pedal with four preset buttons and no fiddling with knobs! In a nice shade of lilac…)

4 – Roger Meyer Voodoo Vibe. (Black box of wobbly noises! Many dials to play with)

5 – MXR Phase 90 (An orange box of swooshing noises – essential for the Van Halen sound)

6 – MXR Micro Amp (makes things LOUDER! And that’s it. Box is the colour of well-chewed bubble gum. Yuck)

7 – Boss compressor. (Makes things go on for ages and get plinky. Think guitar solo in “Moonlight Shadow” by Mike Oldfield.)

8 – Tokai Metal Driver (overdrive now worth about £100 – it is from the very early ‘80’s and now a bit rare)

9 – Boss Turbo Overdrive (Yet another box of dirt and distortion)

10 – Marshal Drive Master (as above)

11 – Digitech “Bad Monkey” Overdrive (erm…it’s a lovely shade of green…)

12 – Electro Harmonix “Little Big Muff” (total fuzz box madness – very good for White Stripes impressions)

13 – Boss Noise Gate. (If you need your guitar to stop squealing on stage during any pauses in the song, you need one of these. Especially when using the above pedal)

14 – Elector Harmonix Micro POG. (Polyphonic octave generator. Any note you play can have a note one octave down and/or up played behind it. Works on chords so you can cheat and sound like you have a twelve string guitar…or make a huge racket!)

15 – Digitech Whammy Pedal. (A harmoniser and note shifter. I call it the super hamster pedal, as it can make your guitar sound like a hamster being forced into a blender. I have no idea why I bought this…. but it was a laugh.)

16 – Dunlop Cry baby Wah pedal.

17 Morley “Bad Horsie” Wah pedal (Unlike the one above, you just have to move the pedal and it comes on – no having to click right forward.)

18 – Boss Chromatic Tuner. Well playing in tune sort of helps sometimes…at least people can tell how bad you really are.

They are all the pedals I can remember. Which means there could be one or two more, but there you go.

Well at least Bearcub will read it all.

So technically your boredom is his fault.

Just read Rows most recent post about her book title being stolen (would do link to it but I am a nidiot with that sort of thing, just go look - do I have to do EVERYTHING round here?)

Anyway reading it I started musing what a good title for a book writen by me would be. Just a title that would say "Ah, nick wrote that"

But I got nowhere. Apart from a rather pathetic

"Well it seemed like a good idea at the time"

But I did come up with a few for other bloggers...

What would your book title be?

Oh come on, it will kill sometime on a far too hot sticky day.

Yesterday I was on the last day of the weekly four-week course thing that I have had to do.

And as you remember it was a tad hot yesterday, so imagine how comfortable it was spending the day in a room in direct sunlight with completely ineffectual air con (which only cooled a six inch area right by the out put vents just under the window)

Drowsiness soon beset me so I had to think of something to do to keep me awake and looking interested.

So did I start taking notes and scribbling an outline of my action plan for finding another role in Weird Inc?

No, I sat and made a list of every guitar effects pedal I could remember that I owned.

Now that may have done me no good career wise, but it kept me awake and made me look like I was taking an interest.

I have 18 guitar pedals by the way. Well I can only remember 18 anyway…

Finally got out of there and plunged into the boiling steamy hell of the tube system.

When I got back to the house, Jo said that the old double bed in the spare room needed to be got down stairs and put in the old music room as it was going to the dump.

Well I got the mattress down with no problems on my own, then we attempted the box spring. Even with the little rods removed between the two halves (so we could bend it in half and get it round the corners) it would not come down the bloody stairs.

Every time we tried it, it got stuck. And did I mention it was hot yesterday?

Three attempts at this and we are both wet through with perspiration.

The bloody thing went up the damn stairs so why won’t it come down!

Fucker.

Although there is a way to do it, if you happen to have three people available. But that would be too easy so tonight I am cutting through the mattress top and take it down in two bits. And we didn’t do this last night as there was a bastard long spring thing wound around the flat springs preventing us from separating it by force that took ages to get off.

Yes I am ranting. Sorry.

So probably another sweat bath for me then tonight.