Area 136

Dan digga dan dan dig dig dig dan digga dan dan dig digga DAN DAN da da dan!

(orchestra shuffles off stage right looking embarrassed, knowing that this was just the final scene of the film and they where going to get paid fuck all for the session)

"Sho, I had infiltrated the villains hide out, and god I looked shexy"

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"Shudenly the evil one eyed mastermind - Baron Greenpish - appeared on a gantry above me

"I was over powered by a hoard of guards and strapped to a large vat"

"Sho Baron Greenpish, do you expect me to talk?"

"No Mr Spoon, I expect you to DIE!"

"Just as I thought my life was over, Sugar lumps - the young female accomplice of Baron Greenpish who I had been pumping for information for weeks (in every sense of the word) burst through the guards and threw herself upon me, sobbing wildly"

"Oh Spoon, Spoon! I don't want you to die!"

"Well shuggar" I purred, "why not divest yourself of that tight outfit and make an old spies last moments more jolly?"

"For you darlink, anything!"

"Suddenly as she rained hoat kisses down on me, that bastid Baron Greenpish hit a button under his desk and his vile secret hallucinogenic liquid poured over both of us!"

"Oh Spoon! what is to become of us! I will never leave you my darlink!" she cried. "Well shugar, thas nice but I am the only one strapped to this vat that is wearing a fireproof coating, yeas could be right in the shite here hen"

And with that, Baron Greenpish hit the ignition switch.....

"Oh Spoooon!" she cried, "I love yooooooooooooooo!" Then the lights went oot, but she kept on burning, god save her...

And then it was over.

And what of me, Absinthe Spoon?

I ended up in the sink and the basard that set fire to shugga lump got blootered, so it all worked oot fine in the end eh?

I has one!

I also have my laptop, the external hard drive and a large suitcase style bag containing 112 CD's (some of them double cd albums)

The cats (Ptollemy and Cleopatra as most of you know) have been given their kitteh noms so will leave me alone for a while.

Now it is time to open I-tunes and start stuffing it with CD's.

This could take a while and require some more liquid refreshment as the evening wears on....

And have your google chat status as Busy.....

Why?

"me: I dont care if I am interupting, I am just hoping your pc goes "PING" when I send this and the MD is right there!

Blogger of this parish: CUNT!

me: YAY! did it work?

Blogger of this parish: Ha - yes!"

Office life need not be rubbish....

Glaciers scream down Icelandic valleys at speeds that would shock Michael Schumacher.

The dinosaurs time on earth was a brief and sudden frenzy of scaly shagging that happened in the blink of an eye causing them to all drop dead from exhaustion.

James May holds the land speed record for a man standing still on a slight incline with grease on the soles of his shoes.

Yep, it has a dose of the slooooooowwwwwwwwsss today alright.

1 – more coffee. Not because I am hungover – not had a drink in days thank you – but because I am very tired.

2 – a much better PC at work. This one is so slow it is making it almost impossible to blog and look up my potential next guitar purchase on the net.

3 – a medical procedure to reduce the length of my arms by putting all the joints back together. I carried a small suitcase style bag containing about 100 CD’s into work this morning so I could put them onto my laptop at Rancho Collapso. I picked the bag up and thought, “That is weighty but manageable”. Well 20 feet from the front door this morning my elbow, shoulder and finger joints in my left arm were saying “I reeeeely think this is a bad idea” and when shifting it to my right arm it pretty much shared the same opinion.

I now have arms like a gibbon.

4 – some motivation. There are a number of things I need to do this morning and today, but my procrastination instinct is in full effect. How hard is it to call someone on the phone? How hard is it to walk over the road and get a dam euro lottery ticket?

Well, at least it is Friday.

Tonight will feature mucho uploading of cd’s to I-tunes, some good food and at some point, me using my Absinth spoon for the first time! May even fit a quick strum of the guitar in there somewhere.

Hope you all have a good Friday night planned.

"OK, fine. Whatever."

That is how I feel right now.

Probably because I am tired.

I think.

Maybe not.

Must not miss stop on train on way to house.

Walking down Oxford Street on my way back to the office I saw a man walking towards me. Actually there were bloody hundreds of people walking towards me and past me and around me – this is Oxford Street after all – but this guy caught my attention.

Why?

He was holding an A3 sized sheet of paper in front of him at chest height and printed on it in large bold letters was the legend:

“Everything is OK!”

Oh right, good. We can all stop worrying then.

Right, I am bored and it is aproximaterallyistically lunch time.

So I will go for a walk round the local environs just for something to do.

I did that yesterday and as often happens when I am aimlessly wandering my brain ran through all sorts of stuff in a random and free form manner, till it arrived somewhere and I ended up getting very angry.

Which led to a rather explosive post "over there"

Still. Today will be different because the streets are awash with bright sunlight and cold air.

But a good walk is always a good time to think. I should have spent more time walking and thinking, then maybe my life would not have ended up the way it has.

Anyway,

I will leave my mp3 behind in case I overhear anything good, I will avoid the charity muggers and I will attempt to not get walked into by any hoodie wearing morons or flown into by suicidal pidgeons or knocked down by evil cyclists.

On second thoughts, I may just stay here.

One of the most annoying groups of people encountered on Londons streets are the Charity Muggers.

These shiny happy waving and far too enthusiastic fuckwit real job seeking failures are all over the place, trying to flag you down to brow beat you into setting up some direct debit to the charity they represent. Bastards.

Anyway, I had an encounter with one a few minutes ago on my way to the supermarket.

My normal way of dealing with them is to wear an expression that says that I will kill the 13th person to speak to me and I am up to number 12 already (which is pretty much my normal facial state come to think of it) and they let me go buy without bothering me.

But the chap today was not going to be put off by that old ruse. I could tell that he was going to try to talk to me but I spotted something about him that I could use to my advantage and hopefully confuse him enough to let me get by.

On the back of his clipboard was the name of the charity he was “working” for

“Alzheimer Awareness”

So when he homed in on me with a cheery

“Hi man, how are you doing today?”

I looked at him blankly and said

“I don’t remember!”

While he stood there trying to decide what to do, I was off.

According to my stars in the morning paper:

“You’ll suddenly realise how much in demand you are. Well, you always have been, but it’s only just now that you have the confidence to act on that, especially in a romantic sense.”

Yeah right.

I swear I must have met the woman that writes these things somewhere and annoyed her in some way, because she is just taking the piss.

Maybe she is a blogger…

Sarahs latest announcement on the way back from the child minders-

"Oh this week at lunchtime I have cheerleading club"

Oh god! I know she is Blond ("I am not blond daddy! I am naturally highlighted!") but that is a bit too much.

The thing is I don't think her spelling is up to it.

All the way up the road she was trying to spell out words in a Cheerleader stylee and kept getting things wrong.

"Erm, hang on...what's next?"

"Worse cheerleader Everrrrrrrrrrr"

Lots of giggling and sillyness.

I know speaking about spending money in the present economic climate is a bit wrong but bear with me.

I don’t like buying things for practical reasons – buying a new pair of trousers because I need another pair is a boring process because it is necessary. I need to replace something like a pair of boots then I do, and for a day I may have minor new boot joy, but it does not last.

Only being able to buy something you don’t actually need gives you a pure shot of “retail therapy joy”. This is evidenced by my vast array of totally unnecessary guitar fx pedals, I mean you never know – one day I may be called up to join a band purely because I am the only person in London that has a pedal that can make his guitar sound like a screaming hamster. Or not. Not one of these little boxes was needed but the dose of the happys I got from buying them lasted far longer than when I buy anything practical.

But if I am lucky I will soon have to be buying dull practical stuff like furniture for my flat. Things like cupboards and wardrobes and a bed. Yes I know a bed can be a place of fun if you have someone in it with you, but it is still a practical item. And I can’t buy any of that stuff now, as I have nowhere to put it.

But I have been picking up stuff that is of no real use. Little items that I don’t actually need but I see them and think, “That will look great in the flat”

So far the list is-

A set of naughty ceramic coasters from Santorini.

A Tie-dyed throw with a Celtic design on it from Avebury (which is on the bed in the spare room at Rancho Collapso, just under Cleo the cat.)

A multi-coloured ceramic bull from Barcelona, which will go on some shelf or surface and be a dust trap.

And the one item that might be of some real use – A lamp made out of a Rock salt crystal. It casts a nice relaxing amber glow over the room.

I may have to put that in the bedroom as the soft lighting does wonders for my middle aged skin…. ahem.

So there you have it. Nothing practical at all, just the stuff that makes a place more like a home.

Just have to get a flat and start buying all that boring practical stuff.

But that won’t be nearly as much fun as buying the unnecessary stuff.

Should never be underestimated. I am listening to it now via Planet Rock on my work pc, and it is doing me a lot of good.

Thank you.

That is all.

Now bugger off.

That not enough of you have voted in the Bloscars.

This will not do.

Well when I say it has come to my attention, I mean it has come to other peoples attention and I have read their blogs...But the point is still valid.

The bloscars are a lot of fun and not for profit or for giving out prizes or certificats (APPARENTLY! points accusingly in the vague direction of Ireland and frowns)

So go to the Bloscars blog page and get a nomination form and get nominating.

You don't have to fill it all out AND you can nominate yourself if you feel you deserve recognition and want to let the compilers know you have a huge ego.

So go on.

What's the worst that could happen?

Oh yeah, Juzzy could win loads of awards again.........

As you have spent so much time in Ireland listening to Brummie accents in Chez Gay I thought I would wish you happy birthday in my native East London tongue.

Hope you have a good one.

Well that is as close to a Brazilian accent as I can get in type.

This phrase was uttered to me by the barman in Mollys, as he gave me that look – the one with the head tilted down and looking up from under the eyebrows, you know the one – just after he pointed down into his lap……

Well what could I say?…….

It was a very nice looking lasagne after all.

“No thanks, but it looks great. You enjoy.”

Watched "Sin City" last night.

I was amazed that I never noticed before, what with all the violence and stuff, but all the stories are....basically.........really romantic.

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

Rotten bastids! Sneaking the "R" word in under the cover of a hail of bullets violence and blood.

All that shooting people and blowing shit up, all because of a promise to some gorgeous looking woman or sacrificing their freedom and even there life to protect someone.

IDIOTS!

Well, I suppose it is based on a comic.....

That is all.

Move along.

I am outta here.

We all mangle our mother tongue at regular intervals during the day.

Because we are tired, we are thinking too far ahead of our mouth in order to get a concept across, or because we are a tad stupid.

I have heard two good examples today that I thought I’d share with you. (yeah, slow blog inspiration day, just suck it up)

First was here at Weird Inc.

I walked by a desk where two people where discussing one of our products. It (whatever it is) is being re-vamped and altered. Or some bollocks – anyway I heard this –

“If we make it just like the original but smaller, smaller in dimensions..”

Smaller in Dimensions!

What other way is there to make something smaller ya muppet!

Smaller in weight

Smaller in colour!

We are doomed.

But the person was just trying to convey something in the heat of a brain storming session so I can forgive them. (ooooh, get me!)

The second example is from someone who sat at the bar in Mollys this lunch time.

I could tell from the expression on the face of Jay the barman that he was having a little trouble getting his head around the friendly banter of this new female customer, so I turned off my I-Pod and had a crafy eavesdrop.

What was the first thing I heard?

She - “well I would just worry about where they came from”

To which Jay replied in his lazy Kiwi drawl:

“Well bacon or gammon steak, I don’t really care – it all tastes good”

“But I would worry about it, I mean where they born on a farm or in a barn or where they born in an abattoir?”

“……..I don’t think they would be born in an abattoir….” Said Jay, his eyes glazing over.

I just don't feel like it today.

Anything.

Can't think of anything to blog.

I have also been given some work to do that, as usual - is less than inspiring.

ho hum.

But as it is the time when everyone seems to like to go off and do the dance of a thousand sandwiches I thought I would pop in for a nose about.

Oh sod it.

I think I will stick my new "Airbourne" CD on and try and fill out that dammed bloscars form.

Have a wild guess.

I went to get on the Central line at liverpool street and got down to the platform to find it five deep and no chance of getting on a train for about twenty minutes. So I decided to go back up the escalator and across to the central line and use that.

On swiping my oyster card at the top I saw that I had been charged £1.60 for what was basically a ride on an escalator

FUCKING BASTARDS!

So I am in a lovely mood this morning, because the rest of the journey was shit as well.

Still all the anger will go away soon to be replaced by a cloud of depression probably.

Yes, I still am a member of "optimists anonymous"

That is all.

Today I am considering drinking loads of coffee and seeing dead people and hearing voices.

Well according to something I read this morning, if you drink more than the equivalent of seven cups of instant coffee in one day you can start to have hallucinations.

In a study (Ah, you knew there would be one lurking somewhere) it was thound that “Heavy caffeine users” were three times more likely to suffer delusions, including hearing voices than those that drank less than one cup.

No! reeeeeeeely?

Apparently the mucho amounts of caffeine react badly with a hormone called Cortisol that is released into our bodies when we are under stress. This heady mix can cause you to go a bit la la.

And office workers are never stressed are they.

And just as an aside girls, remember there is caffeine in chocolate.

So with my breakfast today I am having a sugar free Red Bull (well I don’t want to gain weight, just go mad) and will be having the first of my large cups of instant coffee in just a little while.

I could take a short cut, because apparently 1.7 cups of takeaway coffee is the equivalent of seven cups of instant……but I am being tight.

So,

I wonder what will happen. Will the doors of perception spring off their hinges in my mind, or will I just have to go for a piss every thirty minutes…..

One of you is being a knobber.

That is all.

Yep, I did offer up that phrase this past weekend.

Why, well it is a little sad really. I “discovered” the I-tunes visualiser thingamy.

I had just enabled the “Genius” setting that is supposed to make instant play lists after you select one given track. This it duly did, then I hit “play” and let it run, switching on the Visualiser to full screen.

What this does, as I am sure a lot of you know, is give you lots of dancing coloured lights and balls and streaks of light bopping around and exploding and contracting in time to the music being played. Like Wow maaaaaaaaaaannn.

But I found it very hard to tear my eyes away from it, much to the distain of QueeneMan and Mr Wolf, who I was in conversation with at the time.

Mind you, when I made the titular comment at least one of them replied:

“MMMmmmmm yeah…”

TV had to get in on the act last night.

Not that it was showing any of the cheap and awful horror movies featuring lesbian Vampires and lots of nudity that are in favour at Rancho Collapso at the moment, but a really bad film about killer ants.

And this film was so bad that, although it was about killer ants – it was called “The Hive”

Oh god it was rubbish. Hyper intelligent ants becoming self-aware and linking together in a cave to create “a computer” using themselves and passing information via electro chemical means, forming big “arms” made out of millions of ants to swat at the humans, acting as one big organism and even forming themselves into one giant ant at the end of the film.

Utter rubbish.

But still oddly entertaining.

Now that Weird inc have effectivly blocked off two corridors in our office with temporary (I assume they are not permanent) walls, the corridors to my left are now only for access to the toilets.

When the two cubicles in the toilets were occupied and you needed a pony, you could come out and walk to the two large disabled toilets just a few yards up the hall.

But now you can't because of the walls.

Which has now led to blokes queing up to use the cubicles.....

I don't know about you, but I don't want someone standing outside the bloody door when I am "giving Scooby a bath"

Is the same height as me.

That is all.

Weird inc. reaches new heights in staff testing – change the layout of the office and see how we cope.

Without a word of warning or explanation there is now a wall across one of the main corridors that we used to use to go to the exit. It was not there this morning when I came in but has only now been knocked up by a couple of hard hated plasterboard wielding builders.

What about fire drills and escape routes?

What about letting us know this was going to happen?

Bollocks to that obviously. It is like being a rat in one of those lab experiments…

“Lets reformat the maze and see if they can still find their way around”

Working here does not get any more normal I tell you.

Threw myself at the weekend a bit too enthusiastically I think.

Had lots of fun, lots of food, lots and lots of drink. Too much of everything except sleep.

Distracting myself probably from who knows what, but bugger me I think it worked.

We sat and tried to get Mr Wolf to actually do a post and told him that blog was a really wonderful place and no harm ever comes from it…

But I think he still does not believe us, personally I think the rotten swine has a life. The cheek of him!

Anyway, it is Monday, and everyone everywhere should be back at work by now. Catching up on emails and stuff…..

Sorry, I appear to be rambling….

On our staggers travels about Lahndahn Tahn this evening, we popped into the Revolution Vodka bar (choosing for once to only have one drink in Greasy McFuckwits) and spotted that they were selling bottles of Polish Honey Vodka called "Old Krupnik"

It has a sort of crest on the label that features a tree under which two bears are sitting drinking, back to back underneath the verdant branches in a companionable manner.

It does in fact taste of honey, with an undertaste of headache. Quite nice but there is a hint of danger lurking around in there.

It actually tastes like the more fruity Palenka that we brought home from Budapest.

And we all know how well the much missed Meno got on with that when she stayed at Rancho Collapso don't we.

Had a great day out today with Ships and Queenemab, went to the Byzantine exhibition at the Royal Academy and got elbowed out of the way of some display cabinets by well educated posh but fucking ignorant little old ladies.

Before that we had a great Lebanese meal in a restaurant overlooking Green Park, and after it we had Tea and coffee in a vair posh place just up from the Ritz.

Then a bit of a book buying frenzy for Shipscook in a Waterstones that has a Bar on the fith floor with a good view over London, so of course we went up and had a drink.

Then off to the tube station via a pub and a vodka bar.

Now we are home and after some home made kebabs and more drinkies, Ships and I are watching another daft and smutty horror movie with lots of nekkidness in it.

And a certain someone on my friends list said "I can't understand how two hetro men can watch porn together" This stuff is very far away from porn, trust me. It is just 70's smut with bad acting and lots of nekkid women rolling about. Pure class.

And this one has Christopher Lee in it....

He must have needed the money to pay the tax office or summink!

Now Nekkid female vampire is suggestivly liking the bed post of her bed and rubbing her furry groin against it in an admittedly quite attractive manner... but why?

Can she survive on wood shavings when blood is scarce?

Oh, now she is humping a pillow.

Mind you, her arse is fan-bloody-tastic!

Ho hum.

Still, this is way better that celeb big brother.

First scene of this Vampire film ships has bunged on is of a lovely dark haired girl walking towards the camera in thigh high leather boots, a black cape and A BELT!

Why the belt?

What is it keeping up exactermally?

Oh nice!

The shot ends with a close up of her "bush"

Must be an old film then, she has hair......

Ahem.

I used to go see this band many many times, and sometimes sober. Well going to see this band was basically time to PARTY!

(but some sod has disabled embedding so you have to do linky go look thing.)

And yes, it is biker pub boogie about riding a...erm....bike....up a hill....

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=9tKO3m_M4dQ

Well we used to enjoy it.

Next weekend I am off to Edinburgh again, doing the “lugging suitcases full of books and clothes” thing for Moff with Shipscook and QueenMab.

She treats us like pack mules I tells ya!

Anyway, the thing is that although Scotland is a part of the UK I still think,

“Better get some money out before I go”

But why? I am still in Britain, it is not as if I need Euros or whatever.

The truth is that as you know, we use different bank notes to Scotland and if you bring any of “theirs” back with you to London quite a lot of places get funny with you if you try using a banknote with a Haggis on it, or whatever it is they have on the notes up there.

It is silly really because no pub, shop or restaurant in Edinburgh has ever baulked at taking any English notes off me. But down here it is all sucked teeth and “sorry we can’t take this”

This leads to that situation you normally only get into on a foreign holiday – on the last day you try to get rid of all the notes you have with you, normally at a bar….

Bloody stupid if you ask me.

Mind you, Mollys (the pub) don’t mind taking them.

1. Is it time to change the name of the "mobile phone" as they are now more than just a phone?
Nope. Mind you, given my attitude toward the thing I think they should be called "Bastards". Then we could use phrases like "I'll give you a bastard call tomorrow"

2. Do you take your mobile phone on holiday with you?
Yes but mainly because if Sarah is not with me I want to contactable in case of emergency. It stays off and I turn it on twice a day to check for texts.

3. If you phone runs out of battery life is it a mishap or the most worst thing that can happen... ever?!
Nope, it is just one of those things. God made rechargers for a reason, and gave us jobs so we could steal free electricity.

4. If they're not playing the latest chart topper then it's some other electronic rubbish so is it wrong to say "I'll give you a ring!" when phones don't actually ring these days?
Of course. That or I'll call you. Of course you should only say these things if you actually intend to do them. Ahem!

5. Complete this sentence "My mobile phone is..."
On the table there, steadfastly not ringing.

Standing in the cold sunlight outside the Weird inc. central London nerve centre just now (on yet another cigarette break) I beheld a fine example of hypocrisy.

A cyclist was trundling down the street and for once this particular rider was in the road and heading in the right direction. He passed a slow moving white van as they both approached the red traffic lights at the top of the road and glanced at the driver.

He did not like what he saw and bellowed –

“OI! Get off your fucking phone and drive the Van properly you idiot!”

Fair enough, it is illegal to use a mobile phone while driving.

But what did this pedalling Evangelist of the Highway Code do on reaching said red traffic lights?

That is right. He sailed right through them without stopping.

Twat!

I am so tired I can't think straight.

I just attempted to say -

"I am just going to put the wrapper paper from the fish and chips in the bin outside to stop it smelling up the kitchen"

and all that came out was -

"I am...er...gonna put the...erm....things....fish things....chip wrap....paper....stuff..in....outside...oh sod it."

I think I will have an early night tonight, but not this early. Never go to bed before your children unless you are ill I think.

Anyway.......

oh sod it.

Captain Bradshaws heart leapt into his throat as there, just below the wooden partition, the unmistakably delicate hand of Emily appeared, holding a small note.

Trembling all over, he bent slowly down to retrieve this small missive from the hand he longed to hold, and taking it from her he knelt and read it.

“Be a love and get us a bog roll, some bitch has used it up in here and I think I have just done a five sheet-er”

Blayka...

The inquisitive soul who came to study and look about but did it the right way.

Started a blog fairly soon after arriving and asked some pertinent questions after explaining why she was here (studying blogging) and made friends and decided to stay.

And I am glad she did.

She even thanked all of us at the end of her dissertation!

We am famous all because of her!

So Happy Birthday Blayka.

Hope you have a great day and many more on blog.

XXX

Even though Jo and I are getting divorced...

And we already have Sarah to think of...

Our house will be hearing the patter of tiny feet again soon.

Oh my god.

Today has been bloody DULL.

Still, at least I can get out of here in about 35 minutes.

And go back to the house...

It will be good to see Sarah though.

EDIT - Bollocks to this, I am going home now.

Women. – Well obviously.

String Theory. – Although I did once see a very good documentary about this and nearly got my head round it. Maybe they should do one about Women.

Why there are no good science documentaries on TV anymore.

Why British people want to go on holiday to somewhere and have British food, British Beer and British themed Pups. – What is the bloody point?

People who do voices for their pets. – Stop it!

Why some weather men/women feel the need to actually go out and stand in the weather they are telling us about, - Are you trying to prove you are not just making it up?

Those Croc shoes. – Seriously WTF!

Why they advertise those cleaning packs to kill off MRSA bugs that you can buy and take into hospital with you. – Should they not be giving these to the bloody hospital cleaners?

Why Barry Scott has stopped shouting. – “CILLIT BANG AND THE DIRT IS GONE!”

Why Barry Scott has never teamed up with Brian Blessed. – Imagine that Ad in stereo!

Why in old cartoons where the main character is an animal that wears clothes and talks, they have a pet that can’t talk and doesn’t wear clothes. – They didn’t think it through did they!

Why Ohio is the only state in America that does not contain any of the letters from the word Mackerel. – Well it doesn’t (and yes I did nick that fact from Al Murray)

Why, when a waiter puts a plate down in front of you and says, “Be careful, it’s very hot” you have to touch it quickly. – Be honest, you do don’t you.

Coldplay. – What is the need for them in a world with sleeping pills in it?

Why when someone asks you the time a split second after you have looked at your watch, you have to look again because you don’t know. – Memory of a ……..wossname.

Why, mid way through a long conversation with someone with a very broad American accent, they have to drop in “By the way I’m an American” – Oh thanks for that. I was a bit lost there for a while.

Actually, this list could go on forever and not get even remotely interesting so I will stop now and consider the sammich options for lunch.

Dwelling on the past is a waste of time. Well some people say this, normally the sort of people I avoid/punch/get drunk with.

Anyway, you should look forward to the positive things that are/should be coming your way in the next year.

So what do I hope is coming my way this year.

A house sale (pleeeeeeeeeese!)

And then a new flat. (Mind you, this would mean decorating and urrrrgh…shopping for stuff for it but I could enjoy it if tried.)

Happiness.

What do I know is coming my way this year:

Trips to places I have never been, some for a weekend and some for longer, in the company of good friends and on some (the more family friendly ones) Sarah.

The decree absolute.

There are probably a lot of other things coming my way this year, but I am trying to concentrate on the good stuff so those things can just simply bugger off.

And there are things that will not be coming my way at all this year. Those things can similarly bugger right off.

This is as close to optimism as I ever get people, enjoy.

Just this very second the boss of my old team (which was hacked apart late last year) but who still is technically the leader of the team I am on (keep up!) walked past my desk, Waved and said

"Happy New Year"

IT'S THE 7TH YOU NUMPTY! LEAVE IT!

And then who will be next.

Soon there will be nowhere left to shop.

Everyone and the dog they borrowed for that wild new years eve pervy party seem to have or have had that “cough till you puke” bug thing that has been going around.

I had it before Xmas and thought it had gone, but every now and then it comes back for a couple of minutes. Before that I had a heavy cold but every time I think I am getting anywhere near better I get the sniffles back, or a soar throat, of the bloody cough!

I seem to have been sniffing and coughing and sneezing for almost two months!

And people at work have had it or have it now, people on the trains seem to be exploding into coughing fits with alarming regularity, and loads of you on here have something along those lines.

This has to be one of the most unhealthy Xmas periods in quite a while.

And I live such a healthy lifestyle normally……….

What? I DO.

Well OK, by healthy I mean I take no major narcotic substances.

And I drink orange juice occasionally.

But still, two months is a long time to be doing with all this bollocks.

At the end of the first working day of the year....

Well I say "working"....

Actually nothing has happened really.

The highspot of the day has been watching Shipscook sweep majestically by carrying two cups of coffee.

That and J pulling her bright pink scarf closer to her amazing chest........

Oh well, maybe tomorrow will hold something blog worthy.

It's the same shit with a different number on the end.

Made no resolutions this year, just as well really given my lack of willpower.

But, I resolve to try to keep this blog a more up-beat place.

And not do too many standard "Have a hug" responses because that is lazy.

I did say "Try" you notice.....

Ho hum.

I have a couple of problems with the bloscars form thing. Not its layout or anything like that, but with who to actually nominate.

Well apart from putting my name in every category of course……how else did you think I won anything last year?

Ahem.

“Best user tags” – blimey, some people have tags that go on for ages and are mainly full of in jokes, you think I have time to read all that…well, yes OK – I do have time to read all that but am too lazy.

“Funniest Blogger” – you are all mirthless bastards next to me. Oh sorry, that was out loud again….

“Best profile picture” Well I know where my vote goes for that one at least. Same place as it went last year.

And as for being able to nominate THREE people in each category……cranial melt down mode engaged.

Anyway, I will probably leave a lot of them blank but one of the ones I want to put something against is “Blogger you’d like to know personally”

The thing is I have met a number of people on my friends list in real life and have even spent weekends in their company. But all that means is I know them better than I did but for some reason that does not fit my own little definition of “personally” (and I am not being smutty) – but under the rules if I have met them and they can’t be included.

There are a number of bloggers I have met at blog meets and chatted to who also can’t be nominated for that reason, but I don’t feel that I know them “personally” because I didn’t get to talk to them for long enough in my opinion. These people I would like to meet again and chat a lot more to, but they can’t be nominated either.

So most of the people that I would put in this category I have in fact, already met. So I will just have to do some more thinking……..dammit!

As for “Blogger I’d like to know biblically”… well Landers turned this suggestion for a category down. Probably just as well. But at least I could think of more than one candidate for that one…..

And if people in this office don’t stop wishing each other a happy new year I will go on a rampage with the staple gun!

The new Dr Who looks like a dick.

Oh well.

I love the sound your boots make when walking on a fresh fall of snow!

I was the first one down the hill from Rancho Collapso this morning so it was down to me to take the snows virginity....

yes I can get smut into weather as well...

As I mentioned earlier, my sister Ann popped round to Rancho Collapso last night and paid me a surprise visit, We had been chatting via email about various items she had found while packing her house contents up for a move and I had said I wanted them. There were a couple of old toys of mine and a number of documents and photos relating to our Mum and Dad. I wanted the photos and documents as Sarah never met my parents and it would be a way of her connecting to them.

First out of the bag was this-

I cannot tell you how big my grin was on seeing this again! It has a wingspan of over a foot, is made of tin and still makes a very satisfying "Rrrrrr" sound when you rev it up along the carpet and the propellers spin around just like they used to!

Next was an item from an even earlier Xmas,

Which makes very loud clanking noises and flashes then pops open and spins round on its base-

With flashing tv screens and whatnot. Great stuff.

Then we looked through the pictures - My Dad in the navy during the war. Not much war going on but they do appear to be sailing away from something which could be how they survived it all.

My mum and dad, the couple on the left...

This next one is from a party in the 50's My dad is the one in the white t-shirt with his arms folded and my mum is resting her head on his shoulder. I suspect a number of drinks had been consumed. Looks a bit like a blog meet...

The photo on the left below shows various shipmates and my dad somewhere in there, the photo on the right is my dad.

Now amongst other interesting documents from the time, like my dads gunnery drill test results and my mums school reports there was this, which I think is my favorite so far...

It is a Western Union Cablegram sent from New York by my dad, Telling my Mum when he would be home and the name of the ship he would be on. He ends with "Keep smiling, love Bill"

And then these, the cross on the left was the first item of jewelry my Dad got Mum when he joined the Navy, and the other is a brooch which is apparently made from the cockpit canopy perspex of a Spitfire and it has a little regimental crest set in it. It obviously is not my dads regiment as he was in the navy, I think he just got it for Mum as a memento.

There are a lot more documents and things to go through, and for some reason it makes me feel like my Mum and Dad are with me when I look at them.

It was new years eve and we were dressed as pirates....

It was Sarahs fault because she said "Let's do something more piratey"

So I got out my dvd of The Black Swan, and we sat down to watch and drink and talk along with the film.

Simple rules, when someone in the film drinks - you drink, when anyone says "Aye cap'n" you have to say it, when the captain is snogging the woman you boo and hiss, when ever Captain Morgan came on screen we drank some captain morgan rum...you get the idea....

Sarah was drinking water by the way, I am not totally irresponsible.

Maybe that is why it took us a while to come to life yesterday.....

But I did perk up when my sister popped round with possibly one of the best presents I ever got at this time of year...the past.

more on that later...

I am sat on the sofa being lazy so please forgive me mentioning you both in one post.

But for some strange reason everything seems like a lot of effort today.

Must have worn my self out scrubbing all that makeup off....

ahem.

Hope you both have a great day.

x