Area 136

I am using some wrapping paper that has a grid printed on the reverse side and little pictures of scissors

"You will cut here and all your lines will be neat and straight" the frankly OCD wrapping paper seems to say.

"No I bloody won't - I'm a bloke! I will hack away with the scissors until I have a vague rhombus of paper and swear alot as I try to wrap a very square present up in it. Like I always do. Every year" Says I.

I will not be dictated to by mere wrapping paper.

Bah!

OK, which one of you bastards got me in lynns Secret Santa thing then eh!?

And why the hell have you not done the assasination of character thingey yet!

How long does it take to do a post consisting of the words.

"Utter Knobber"

They go to weird inc.

Well one of them does.

It is winter right?

It is, if I am not mistaken, the time of year when it gets cold and all the buzzy buggers die off right?

SO - why is there a great big Bluebottle buzzing around on the first floor of weird inc?

Logically the train of thought goes thus -

Blue bottle comes from maggot.

Maggot comes from egg.

Egg normally laid on dead animal or fresh poo.

Somewhere in the office is an undiscoverd dead animal or some poo, either of which is in an as yet undiscovered location.

Health and Safety at work?

I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean.

When I saw that I had Milly as my secret Santa I thought, “Ah – someone who is on my friends list.”

But I was surprised to find Milly was not there! So why did I think she was? Well Milly has commented on my blog, I have read a bit of hers and she is on the friends lists of some of my friends.

So why is she not on my friends list? No idea really.

I mean looking at her blog it seems similar to mine and many other peoples blogs on here – full of general tales of the days events and thoughts and musings. I like the way blog is like having loads of people all over the country saying “Oh God you will never believe what happened to me last night” over a cup of virtual coffee.

Anyway, reading Millys blog I have discovered that –

She seems to like a good innuendo. (I like slipping one in now and again myself)

Has had the normal lack of luck with the Xmas shopping. (I bloody hate it!)

Takes a close interest in auto mechanics arses. (Nah, well only if they are female)

Knows how to deal with real world stalkers. (Not had that problem)

She is a Smoker. (YAY! Meet me outside for a ciggie!)

She is allergic to face paint. (I have never used full face paint, eyeliner is fine)

She cannot text as fast as her daughter. (Who can text as fast as a young ‘un!)

She will - quite bloody rightly - knee rude and obnoxious blokes in the bollocks if they push it. (Well done that woman!)

She has considered having a boob job. (so have I, it would give me something else to do with my hands)

She took part in blog action day. (erm….I didn’t.)

She is scared of Thunder. (Not sure about that band myself)

She thinks her family are dysfunctional but fun. (my family are just dysfunctional)

She got stuck in some clothing in a shop. (I have got stuck in someone elses clothing, but not in a shop)

And has had to deal with the loss of a loved one. (X)

So why is she not on my friends list, we seem to have a lot in common… I will post this and go do the invite thing, expecting to be rebuffed in my normal pessimistic mode.

The Xmas shopping I mean, as this morning I got the last item (an SD memory card) and can now just forget about it.

I thought I had finished yesterday when I got Ships’ Xmas present – I finally saw something I know he will like. Ships always turns out to be the last person I buy for as he has a birthday in December so getting his Birthday prezzie takes priority, then I remember I still need to get a present for xmas. Difficult sod having a birthday at this time of year.

Oh hang on, I speak too soon!

I have just remembered that I promised to get Moff her Xmas present this coming weekend at the Frost Fare in Edinburgh. Dammit! Will this shopping nightmare never bloody end!

Anyway, as you can tell I am sat once again at my desk not doing a lot and listening to Planet Rock via the pc……Time for another coffee. Just think, if I keep up these dull posts I may cause whoever is doing my secret Santa thing to slip into a coma.

The Rules:
1. You can only say YES or NO!
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks!

Taken a picture naked? : - Yes
Made out with a member of the same sex? : - yes
Danced in front of your mirror? : - Yes
Told a lie? : - Yes
Gotten in a car with people you just met?: - Yes
Been in a fist fight? : - Yes
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? : - YES
Been arrested? : - No
Left your house without telling your parents? : - No
Ditched school to do something more fun? : - Yes
Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? : - Yes
Seen someone die? : - No
Kissed a picture? : - Yes
Slept in until 3? : - Yes
Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? : - Yes
Played dress up? : - Yes
Fallen asleep at work/school? : - Yes
Felt an earthquake? : - Yes
Touched a snake? : - No
Ran a red light? : - Yes
Had detention? : - No
Been in a car accident? : - Yes
Pole danced? : - No
Been lost? : - Yes
Sang karaoke? : - No
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? : - Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? : - Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? : - Yes
Kissed in the rain? : - Yes
Sang in the shower? : - Yes
Got your tongue stuck to a pole? : - No
Ever gone to school partially naked? : No
Sat on a roof top? : - No
Played chicken? : - No
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? : - No
Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? : - Yes
Broken a bone? : - Yes
Mooned/flashed someone? : - Yes
Forgotten someone's name? : - Yes
Slept naked? : - Yes
Blacked out from drinking? : - Yes
Played a prank on someone? : - Yes
Felt like killing someone? : - ..Yes
Made a parent cry? : - No
Cried over someone? : - YES
Had sex more than 5 times in one day? : - Yes
Had/Have a dog? : - Yes
Been in a band? : - Yes
Drank 25 sodas in a day? : - No
Shot a gun? : - No

Hey, immitation is the wossnamest form of thingey.....

Or something.