Area 136

I asked this question once on a guitar blogsite I used to frequent, just for a larf.

By appeared on what I actually mean is how many gigs have you been at that became live albums and or Videos?

I have "Appeared" on live albums by

Gary Moore.
Black Sabbath.
Robin Trower.

Live videos by

Wasp.
Faith no More.
Motley Cru. - (I think the gig we went to of theirs was recorded but I cant be sure of my memory.)

Promo Videos by
Zodiac Mindwarp and the Love Reaction
(one studio shot and one shot at a gig)

What about you?

Wireless laptops, bloody great aren't they?

This morning I lay snuggled in bed and did a bit of shopping.

And now I am nesting on the sofa at Rancho Collapso, lounging about in my dressing gown about to watch "A matter of life and death" and sip red wine.

God Sundays are tough eh?

I have only been using my phone for two days but already the predictive text has learnt to do lolcat speach!

Which probably says more about me than it does the phone.........

Meh.

In other news, the touch pad thing on lap tops, is there a more annoying bit of technology anywhere? I HATE the little pad thing!

now back to bed.

I am off home where the internet is fast, the guitars wait for me in anticipation (and so probably do the cats) and the TV is mahoosive.

Well it is better than being here.

If I do not check in again, have a good weekend one and all.

The distance from the doorway of the Molly Moggs public house to halfway up the corridor to my office is exactly the length of "The day that never comes" By Metallica.

That is all.

The speaker is over six feet tall, shaven headed and dressed in normal clothing.

He is talking to a guy a bit shorter also dressed normally. The reason I mention their attire will become apparent.

Tall guy is speaking to his companion who I assume is called Scott, and the conversation is taking place in Old Compton Street.

"..and I tell you Scott, one thing you don't do is fuck off a Tranny..."

I love Soho!

I am lying awake here at work listening to Planet Rock via the pc and headphones.

I have heard some damn fine tunes and some good guitar playing.

And now I want to be at home playing my guitar! Dammit! just over half a day to go.

You see if I listen to good rock music I end up wanting to play guitar.

It's like watching porn....

ahem.

So I spent last night fighting with the new phone. You know what these phone manufacturers are like;

You get a new phone that is just one stage up from the old one, a model 9 from a model 8 for example and the charger from your old one wont fit as they just have to change the size (so you don’t have a charger you can keep at work and one for home) and they swap two of the function buttons round so that on the new phone you think you have said “select” when you are actually saying “back” – which causes some swearage I can tell you, but slowly you get the hang of it.

You change the truly annoying ring “tone” – actually some annoying dance flavoured cacophony – to something that will not embarrass you on the train.

You put in all your old numbers and email or text people to give them the new one (because you simply just can’t use the number you have had for over 8 years on pay as you go when you go to a monthly contract) and actually get to test it out by finally calling a few people.

A delight, start to finish.

Of course it is not finished. Because you have to read the manual to find out a few things your random and crazed button mashing has not revealed.

So this morning on the train I sit down and pull from my bag the user guide for this new phone.

I look at the index and find the page of what I want, and start to flick through.

Then it happened…

Just as I started to turn a couple of pages there was a scrabble in the paper, and there between the half closed pages was A SPIDER!

And we all know how much I hate those.

True, it was only the size of a 20 pence bit, but it was not one of those wispy legged “Harvestman” jobs, but a hairy little Wolf Spider – an aggressive little species and not one you want to find first thing in the morning, in your phone manual, scrabbling wildly to get out and have at you!

My arachnophobia kicked in and although I DID NOT let out a girly little squeak I am ashamed to admit I slapped the manual shut. Rather hard.

Result, there is a rather nasty looking brown stain on pages 50 & 51, but at least I wiped off all the legs and gory bits………..

Sorry animal lovers.

But it was him or me.

So I called the mobile phone company this morning and told them that as there would be no one at home to sign for the package (as their text to me insisted there had to be despite the bloke who sold me the phone saying it would be fine) I wanted it delivered to some other address where someone would be in to receive it.

"No problem"

They said and I gave them the new address.

"This will mean that it won't be delivered till tomorrow, is that OK"

"That's fine"

So after assuring me that the changes had been made, I get back here tonight and there is a note saying that my phone had been left at number 11 over the road.

EH!

Oh well, over I went to get it.

Never spoken to the people over there, and I got chatting to the bloke who gave me my phone.

"Your a musician aren't you?" he said.

"Er, well I play guitar"

"Only I saw the picture of all those guitars in the music room on the estate agents web site. I'm in a band as well and we rehears out the back here during the week, Wednesdays normally. If you like you could pop over for a jam one night. If your free of course."

"That would be nice, thanks"

Bloody typical. This guy has been living here for about a year and now, when I am planning on moving out I get invited for a jam session.

Funny how things work out eh?

more animals

I am (and have been since Monday) sitting here with nothing to do. And for a while it will stay that way – we have finished the last big time consuming project and are waiting for the next mammoth task to kick off.

So with all this time on my hands you think I would be blogging away doing five or six posts a day like I did in the “old days”

But nope – not one atom of inspiration can be found in even the dustiest corners of my cerebellum.

And I don’t much care.

People have said before that blogging is addictive (the fact that I am doing this now show it) and it is.

But I have found that “not participating” is almost as addictive.

I read and comment, but when it comes to doing a post of my own I think:

“Ah fuck it. Why bother”

Anyone else afflicted with this?

No, not Llwnt you……………….llwnt.

But “Meh”

I only found out today that one of our favourite expressive words is actually in the Collins English dictionary.

Obviously all you professional writers out there knew that already, but it is news to me and I am quite pleased.

Or Meh+

"I'm sorry, but due to increased demand we're experiencing higher than usual call numbers. Please continue to hold for the next available advisor"

Well yes, maybe you would not be getting so many calls if the blokes selling the contract mobiles didn't tell you that it would be OK for the courier to leave it out of site in your porch, then you send a text saying it has to be signed for, then when people call you give them a worksheet number and transfer them to the couriers telling them that they will be able to change the delivery address, then the couriers saying "No, they have to call us and tell us the new address".............

MAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYBEEEEEEEEEEEEE then,

So many people would not be calling you up.

You CUNTS!

Over the past couple of days my mobile phone company have been trying to talk to me about probably changing from my pay as you go account to a monthly one, or summink - the thing is when they have called so far I have been in bathroom getting Sarah out of the bath, at work or asleep at home.

So I have been a bit difficult to talk to.

Just now I got a new call from a welsh woman at Communications Direct saying that she could get me a much better deal than the one I have now.

I told her that I could probably do that myself thanks and rang off.

Bloody hell, even other companies are calling me up now.

Just because someone thinks I am not spending enough money.

Well I have been thinking about going for a monthly contract and getting a new handset - or a new version of the one I have actually, but I will do it via my phone company not some other group of commision hungry call centre vultures.

Meh.

As Molty let us in on the madness that was going through his dream-riddled heeed last night (which made me remember what I was dreaming about) I thought I would share my odd dream with you.

I was back at my parents house, sitting on the floor of the front room which was brightly lit as it was evening. A tabby cat came in, which was Fluff – the next-door neighbours cat that decided to move in with us. Fluff then turned into a Siamese cat in the perfectly logical way things do in dreams, and proceeded to spray urine on a half sized ironing board that was set up in the middle of the room.

Nope, no bloody idea what that was all about.

Cat pissing on ironing boards.

Must be of deep mystical importance

Or the result of too many appletinis.

A staple conceit in Science Fiction films and tv shows is the race of aliens who do only one thing – normally fighting or something similar. The Klingons are warriors and the Predators are violent big hunting type bastards. That sort of thing.

But when watching them or any other type of “We only do this, expect nothing else of us as it would hurt the writers heads” alien chappy cavorting around the screen I can’t help but sometimes think.

“Who unblocks the toilets on their home world?”

It’s all very well being a noble warrior and good with laser swords or being able to smack monsters with acid for blood all over the shop, but when your fuses all go at five in the morning or the heating packs up on the day that both your planets suns are on the far side of the wananga nebula for a month, years of training with a multiple bladed axe are not going to help much.

So somewhere out there, there must be a planet of tradesmen.

I can see their battle fleet sweeping through the cosmos now, all the ships painted white with ladders and scaffolding strapped to the outside, holds full of every colour of paint, racks full of all possible diameters of copper pipe and their space cannons full of grouting and polyfilla.

The crews dressed in blue dungarees with rank shown by the amount of pencils behind the right ear, starting every sentence with a suck on the teeth and a “Weeeeell ya see the thing is……..”

Or summink.

After a little search around the interweb thingamy I have resolved a conundrum that has kept ships and I talking long into the night - Does Limburger cheese actually exist?

Yep, the stunningly smelly substance of quite a few Abbot & Costello sketches DOES exist and it stinks to high heaven and smells like rancid feet, apparently.

Now, for some bizarre reason I have always wanted to try it just to see how bad it is. I mean Queene Mab has purchased "Monks Revenge" cheese from the farmers market and that smells pretty bad, so how much worse could it be?

Now all I have to do is find somewhere that sells it in amounts less than the 2.5 lbs the first sight sells it in, and we are away.............

Now as you have been reading my blog for a while now my dear 0.5 of a long suffering reader, you will know that I consider "Terminator" to be one of the best romance films ever.

Eh? you say, leaping up in shock and spilling your mail order sexual partner and the mirror covered in Keef Richards style mountain ranges of cocaine all over the cat...

but I do.

Guy goes back in time on a one way trip to rescue some daft bint he has fallen in love with from a photograph.....major romance, major gun play and violence - result.

But I have just watched "Thirty days of night" and although I hate to spoil it for you gore fans (and there is much gore) right at the end, it does go all heroic and sacrificial and, goddamit....romantic.

Big ultimate romantic gesture....

My cold dead heart almost reacted.

Almost.................

We have just got back from dropping Sarah back with her mum.

Sarah was here last night and we had a nice Indian takeaway, and then to bed. Today we took Sarah to the Natural History museum. Far too many other children not being controlled at all by their parents. I had not had a cigarette for about four hours by the time we left..........I did not kill anyone. Sarah was fine, it was all the other little sods.

Then we had a nice meal in Dinos' which is one of those great little Italian restaurants that are more like cafes and do great food with no fuss. Then home to Rancho collapso. By bus....

Oh christ. OK we only went to Stratford to get back on the tube but it took two hours! and there was some arsehole gansta kid yakking into his phone all the way and being a total wank stain tosser. Christ his attitude to women was awful and if it had not been so crowded Queenemab would have gone over and made him eat his phone I swear!

And people do not wash enough!

But Sarah had a good day and was happy.

And I will put up with almost anything for that.

and now I am having an Appletini to aid the removal of stress.

To those of you going along with this "Bung your real boatrace up as your avatar for a day" thing started by some evil git called "Wilson", that long shots are CHEATING!

Portraits or feck off you cowards!

You know, this craze for today about putting you mugshot up as your avatar thingamajig?

Just asking.

You should all know the rules by now as this seams to have spread like genital warts.
So even though I have done this before, a few of you have tagged me so I give in.

Kizlode was the first to tag me so it is all his fault if you are bored.

1. I would rather make people laugh than cry, but appear to be just as good at both.

2. I love flying but hate air travel. It’s the airports and security and the cramped conditions on board. I want to go first class everywhere!

3. If I had the money I would collect old and cool guitars and amps.

4. I played the snare drum in the Boys Brigade. I know… A DRUM!

5. I once shouted “You utter C*NT” at a printer in the office that had just messed up something I had to get printed out in a hurry, when my colleague next to me was on the phone to an important customer. The next words he spoke into the phone after a pause were “Quite stressed, yes.”

6. I was once given a lift late one night by a woman who was in the back of a mini cab. The cab pulled over as I was walking home from the rock club and she asked if I wanted a lift. She then made the driver drive about randomly while we “entertained” each other in the back seat.

7. The most famous person I have seen walking past our office was Paul McCartney.

Now I have no idea how to link to anyone I would tag so please have a go at the above thing in your blog if you feel moved to do so.

With a crap monster film.

Excellent way to unwind last night, even thought the film was pants. It did have lots of heads exploding and guts being ripped out and the odd (ahem) plot hole but so what. Brain off and enjoy the daft ride.

Played the classic game “He is gonna die, so is she. And him. Oh he is the hero…” as various people appeared on screen. As you do….

And the truly non-classic I chose?

Alien V Predator Requiem. Pure bollocks and actually not as enjoyable as the first AVP film. Despite tons more gore. Oh well.

I could have watch the directors cut of “Hell Boy” or the (slightly) extended version of “30 Days of Night” but they were both a bit long considering how tired I was.

Yeah, I like dumb horror movies. So sue me.

I reeeeeeeeely need to get a copy of “Killer Clowns from Outer Space” as well….

Last night, I am laying the table for me and Sarah so we can stuff our faces when the phone goes.

I pick it up and there is silence for two seconds, and you know that is never good. And as expected when the line went live there was the sound of a big room with lots of people in the background chatting away and a friendly and accented voice said

“Good evening Mr H, I hope you are having a good evening?”

The accent was that of Mumbai, and of course this was a call center……oh great.

“What is the purpose of this call!?” I snapped.

“I’m sorry?”

“What. Is. The. Purpose. Of. This. Call. ?”

“Oh I would like to talk to you about changing your gas and …”

“Goodbye!”

I swear, when I get my flat I will give NO ONE the phone number so that when it rings I can ignore it. The phone line will just be for internet and if anyone wants me they can call my mobile. That way I will be safe from sales calls.

Or will I?

In the bathroom about to get Sarah out of the bath and my mobile rings.

Ah! A friend is calling me, how nice.

Oh no.

“Hello Mr H, this is Raja from Vodafone calling..”

“I am just getting my daughter out of the bath so now is NOT a good time”

“Oh I’m sorry, have a good evening” Click.

There is no escape.

Bugger.

Did anyone else see the afterglow from the sunset in london tonight?

AMAZING! tried to get a picture on my phone but it looked slightly pink, rather than the furious boiling blood red that it was in reality.

Anyway, I was going to be on here tonight chatting and doing stuff. But my brain is fried and I am going to veg.

After Sarah is in bed, I am going to escape reality with a big dumb violent monster movie and then go to bed.

Hope you all have a good evening.

I went for a wander to one of my favourite shops in the area to look (on Sarahs behalf) for some funny little gifts for people at crimbletide.

The shop is in Soho and is called “Vintage Mags” or something and NO! It does not sell that kind of Magazine. In fact now it sells no magazines at all but it IS full of funny stuff and posters.

While in there I decided that my flat will be graced with a number of framed reproduction horror and exploitation movie posters.

“I Walked with a Zombie”

“Beat Girl!”

“I was a Teenage Dope Fiend”

“Lust for a Vampire”

and other such tasteful things.

Anyway found some fantastic humorous action figures,….that I can’t say anything about or it will spoil some ones surprise…….and some other thing that…….I also now can’t mention for the same reason.

Bugger. I has killed ma post!

As I was leaving Brewer street I someone who must be one of the “Big Issues” least successful vendors – He is a bloke in his late 40’s who obviously is sleeping rough in the clothes he stands up in. These clothes are all female. He looks a tad odd normally but today was a stunning ensemble – very tatty dirty short jacket, vile looking short dress, very long suspenders holding a grotty looking pair of stockings up to just above his knees and below his grubby dirty looking thighs.

Oh yeah, don’t judge people by appearance alone. I almost forgot.

I wonder how many copies he sells in a day?

Popped up to check on Sarah last night, and there she was sleeping like an Angel.

An Angel that had decided to wear a pair of black furry earmuffs.

Maybe I should have turned the heating up a bit.

No really I do!

Something funny or moving or informative.....anything!

So why am I bothering to do this. Pure attention seeking and blog addiction my dear 0.5 of a reader.

And the reason I am doing this now is that the computer network here has not slowed to a crawl, as it will do whenever the rest of the 200 or so people that work on this floor get here.

If only something interesting had happened on the way into work..........fekit!

So anyway. In the words of Granny Weatherwax..."I ain't ded!"

I know that our shops have been being silly with the xmas decorations for weeks, but tonight taking Sarah to Brownies, I saw a couple of things that made me despair at how willing people are to plunge headfirst into this most hypocritical of seasons.

Yep I saw TWO homes with xmas trees already up and fully lit in their front rooms!

IT IS STILL NOVEMBER AS FAR AS I AM AWARE YOU MUPPETS!

I feel one of my headaches coming on.............

Recently we lost the comedy actor Reg Varney.

For those of you of a young disposition, he was the driver from “On the Busses” which seems to be repeated a fair amount on various desperate to fill the air time digital channels.

One thing that always struck me was how well he always looked for his age. Always at least 20 years younger than he actually was.

He may have been around for a good deal longer than anyone suspects……

Is it just a coincidence that one of the first popular Vampire stories published (in 1845) in this country was called “Varney the Vampire – feast of blood”?

Come on, some of his co-stars in “On the Busses” did look a little drained didn’t they – Jack and Blakey were not pictures of health…. willing acolytes in the Renfield stylee perhaps?

We shall never know.

No, I am not about to tell you anything about oral sex on a lilo in the sea. Basically because that has never happened to me, (and unlike Rampers I hate to make things up….) no – the above title describes the way I feel.

It is also a bit like being drunk, but I am not – it is all down to tiredness.

As a matter of fact today is a non-drinking day for me, as will tomorrow be. Well you have to be good to yourself sometimes right?

Just feel very tired.

I should get an early night tonight but probably won’t. When I am back at the house I can’t go to bed before Jo does. Not for any protective reason, but if I go to bed first I will here her downstairs on the mobile and it keeps me awake. For various reasons.

And doing this very very dull work is NOT helping me one bit.

And the Internet connection from work is slower than a slug encased in amber. (Edit – I am waiting for blog to appear in another window right now, and to read my messages on gmail I have to refresh the page between every message!)

So all in all,

Meh.

more animals

Last night I curled up in bed with the laptop and did a bit of fantasy flat hunting.

Not in the sense that I looked at flats in the £900,000 price rang, but fantasy in the way of thinking that we had sold the house and the serious choosing had to start.

Flats with balconies, one with a small private garden/terrace, ones with big kitchens, ones with nice living rooms………just looking.

Nothing in my price range includes a balcony with a view of the Thames though, which is a shame. Well not until my well deserved Euro Millions win materialises.

The thing I noticed was that you can get a nice flat in a not too bad area, but it will be a bit of a walk from the transport connections. Not much of a problem as I don’t mind walking. In the “better” areas the amount of money that would get you a decent flat in a not so good area will not get you the same standard of flat. Especially if it is close to all the local amenities.

I suppose this is an obvious and well know fact to most of you, but this is all new to me.

Still it was nice to look and dream.

When you peal the clear plastic protective covers off a new bit of kit...............

the way it glides off with a almost inaudible hiss...........

The fact that you are the very first person, you are using it first.....

ahem.

So that is just me over here in the "sick and twisted" corner then?

Oh....

Right.

Shipscook had a remote for his TV that he left the clear plastic sheet thing on FOR OVER FIVE YEARS!

It used to drive me nuts when he was out of the room and I had to change channel.

God the temptaion.

But I resisted.

Then he went away for a weekend and I was Cat sitting,......and you know how it is..........just you, the remote...............that damn tempting sheet of clear plastic..........

SO I TOOK IT OFF!

I neede a ciggie afterwards - DAMN it felt good...........

No need, I am still wearing my coat so I will just leave.........

This morning I woke up and went into the morning routine mode that I engage when rising. This means I don’t have to actually think too hard first thing and my brain can be free to concentrate on more important matters.

So I drink the coffee Shipscook brought in, got up and shaved, brushed my teeth and got dressed. I was impressed when I looked at the clock as I had done all the morning Getty uppy stuff in double quick time and would actually get a seat on the train.

“Well done me” I thought and called my goodbyes to ships and Mrs F.

“Are you off now then?” inquired Mrs F “Only….you haven’t had a shower yet have you?”

And she was right.

D’oh!

Back to my room, get the clothes off and have a shower. Get dressed again and out I go.

Was I just tired, or is the old grey matter starting to go….

What was I saying again…………….?

That is all.

Was found on Dave TV tonight, not the Bee Bee Bloody Ceee!

Take your one eyed bear and eff off!

Argumental, Live at the Apollo, even a repeat of never mind the Buzzcocks from the days of Bill Bailey - all good stuff and genuinely laugh inducing.

And no vids of sad eyed kids to make you feel guilty about not putting your hand in your pocket.

But as Lee Mack said on live at the Apollo:

"You know what they say - If you can't beat them, what is the point of having kids?"

Tomorrow morning I am going to go prospecting.

I will be wrist deep in flowing water, working away at making my fortune.

Oh yes.

Why?

Because tonight, not scant minutes ago, I had a shot of a drink called "Goldschlager"

A Cinnamon schnapps liqueur that tastes much nicer than it sounds.

It is clear with a slight gold tint to it.

This maybe because it also contains Gold.

Yep, real genuine flakes of gold leaf.

So.

Sometime tomorrow morning, I must remember not to flush and not tell S&F what I have been doing with their sieve................

ahem.

Well times are hard.

I am going home tonight.

Coming back to my desk with cup of coffee number umpteenth just now, I saw in my peripheral vision that a female someone had taken up residence at one of the hot desks just opposite me.

I got settled at my pc and glanced up at this new arrival…

Eeeeeep!

Just for a brief second I thought it was much-missed blogger Phoenix82!

Same shape face, same colour hair…

The illusion lasted only the briefest of moments because in reality this new person looks nothing like P82, but if you described her to someone who had never seen her, they would pick out this office bod as a possibility.

This is not the first time I have thought I saw a blogger somewhere.

Last year I saw someone who looked so like Miza T sitting outside a café in London that I nearly went over and said hi. Then I remembered Miza had been on line that afternoon so it was obviously not her.

They do say we all have a double somewhere…

I pity mine..

So I am going to remedy this, with the help of Mrs F.

No, I am not talking about getting all pervy and such. Sorry to disappoint you all there.

I asked her if it was ok if yet another of my guitars came to live at Rancho Collapso because I miss it. I have four Les Pauls there already, but sometimes you need a bit of a different sound and feel.

So my Telecaster style mongrel guitar is going to be transported to the Ranch this weekend, because sometimes you need the spank and twang only a tele can give.

Big thick rich sustaining Gibson tones are my normal preference, but I just need a bit of variety.

And now I am off to renew my subscription to “Guitar anoraks Monthly”

I know I am attempting to loose a bit of weight, and yes Mrs F may (just MAY) be right about me having body wotsit disorder, but sometimes you just have to have what you want and damn the consequences.

So I had Fish and Chips from the chippy for my dinner. And terrible horrible daddy that I am, I let Sarah have pasty and chips.

Look! before you report me to the social services - she really wanted one! I only rarely let her have stuff from the chip shop.

And she ate over half of it, which is good for her. But even better for her was the fact that she managed to pull out her wobbly front tooth before we started to eat so for the first time in weeks she could stuff her face properly!

She is upstairs asleep waiting for the tooth fairy as I type. The tooth fairy (Jo) has actually already called and left a pound for her.

Now that is inflation for you. I used to get twenty pence!

Have just been collecting for Children in Need round our floor of the office.

I saw them leaving after they guilt tripped everyone into giving them money (I was outside smoking when this heist was pulled off)

The only way they could have got any money out of me would have been to promise me that my Friday night was not going to be blighted by that dreadful and truly unfunny programme that they insist on putting on!

It should be called “soap stars do the unfunniest things” and not billed as a “special” night of entertainment.

No, I won’t be watching. But thanks for asking anyway.

A Drummer!

Yep, sitting here listening to music on the MP3 and I noticed that I time my keystrokes to the beat of whatever song I am listening to. Odd. At the moment it is “When the Levee breaks” by Zep….

Best not play any Motorhead or I could break a finger………..

The Xmas lights are on in Oxford Street (the same crappy ones as last year as no film studio is sponsoring it to promote a naff film) and the xmas decorations are up in our canteen.

Hoo fuckin' ray.

Apparently we have lost the last member of the Jimmi Hendrix Experience.

Which is sad.

I am excited!

I will probably not get to go, or it will prove to be a load of old bollocks and just a lie,

But I just heard on planet rock that on of the finest party bands ever to tread the boards and play drunken bluesy folky rock are going to reform! (even though the bassist is a tad beyond this mortal coil as it were)

Oh yes!

Next year

THE FACES are going to tour!

Allegedly.

I WANNA GO SEE 'EM!

I'd shop there.

Well almost.

What? NO! not me, this room.

The "Music room" has had to be cleared out tonight and at the moment the only thing in it is me and the laptop, the beanbag I am sat on, 500 or so cd's in the racks on the wall and four guitars.

The guitars will be moved to the bedroom on Friday morning and tomorrow night I will cover up the CD racks and tape them up.

Why?

Well on Friday a builder is coming round to cut a patch of plaster out of the wall in here so the council can come and make sure that the builder did something he was supposed to do when the extension went up.

And as this will generate a deal of plaster dust, all sensitive items (such as expensive stereos, Marshall amplifiers and computer stuff) have been removed from the room.

Why are the council only doing this inspection now, when we are in the middle of trying to sell?

Basically because the builder was a twat and we were also twats for not making sure the council had been to check this one aspect of the work. All else is OK. But he will do the necessary stuff and make good free of charge (too fucking right you will matey!) then that is sorted.

This also means the only way I can listen to planet rock as I blog is via there website, which is an odd way of doing things to an old git like me - that is what I got that digital radio for no?

Meh.

so it is a little bare in here. Not as comfy as it used to be. But I will adapt.

All day I have been hard at whatever the hell it is I do, non stop almost and frankly I have had enough.

So OK, yes I have been occasionally having a quick squint to see what is going on here, and then diving back into the very dull world of

“Ctrl c, alt tab, ctrl V, alt tab, ctrl c, alt tab, ctrl V”

that I have been spending the past two days in. And golly gosh! I have to spend a few more days in this kingdom of joy, as I am only half way through the damn file!

Can you see the cadaver like fixed grin of pure joy on my face!!

No?

Well it is there trust me, along with a tendency to giggle inappropriately at nothing at all.

So here I am looking for solace and entertainment.

How long have I been blogging - Two years? Three?

It is not the same now.

Prolific people have shut up, or gone, or had to deal with stuff in the “real” world.

People don’t call as much or send texts or even answer them.

Busy busy busy.

God I am making no sense but at least I know what I mean.

Anyway, I need a break from work so here I am nosing abaht.

From the look of things it won’t take long to catch up.

I have just realised that today, this very day, I have been working for weird inc for 19 YEARS!

And to think back in the 80's I thought I'd never get a full time job.......

Best wishes to the one male blogger on here who can wear a scarf with style..........

Have a good day.

On tv right now is an Horizon programme where some "Experts" in the field of mental health have to decide which five people out of a group of ten volunteers have had mental problems from observing them taking on some challenges.

Hmmm.

The one test they have not tried is the old standby - Stand behind them and shout "OI! NUTTER!" and see who turns round.

Bloody experts.

Bunch of Llwnts!

Whenever we are in Edinburgh we always find ourselves in the vicinity of the castle. Which is not hard really as it is such a dominant feature.

And if we happen to be below the walls by the steep bank of grass I always have a quick look to check for the Edinburgh night bunnies that used to hop around in such profusion on that near vertical wall of green.

On our last few trips we saw none at all. Which was a worry, as for some mad reason (ahem) I am very fond of those furry little buggers. I was worried the council had taken some drastic and terminal measures against them, as having a big group of long eared miners working away under the castle for years on end could possibly be causing structural damage.

So for a few trips there were no bunny sightings.

This last weekend, as Ships and Queene Mab, Meno, Gilraen, Not Bob and I peered down at the slope from the castle car park the scene was the same as it had been on previous visits.

Then, off to our right near the shadows of a tower, on an impossibly steep and rocky part of the bank I spotted three rabbits.

And where there are three there will soon be more.

Thank god for that.

I have NEVER

1 Sold a guitar.
2 Told someone I loved them just to get them into bed.
3 Seen Forest Gump.
4 Been asked to leave a restaurant
5 Jumped out of a plain.

I HAVE

1 Headbutted a guitar on stage and cut my forehead on the strings.
2 Eaten Calfs Brains
3 Thrown up while singing in a Choir in a church.
4 Made love on a balcony during a thunderstorm
5 Woken up in a squat (a building occupied illegally, not the position, you picky bastards) at seven O'clock, but not known which seven o'clock it was(am or pm)

We left at 13.00 and got back to the house here at 20.00, after one train to somewhere one stop before Grantham, where they walked us across the tracks to a fleet of buses and ferried us to the next stop where we got on another train to London. There were plenty of spare seats as some of the buses did not make it in time for the trains departure!

You'd think they would have waited seeing as everyone on the damn things wanted to catch the train.

Anyway, home now and full of curry.

We had a good weekend and it was great to meet up with some bloggers in one of my favorite cities after helping the wonderful Moff celebrate her 21st birthday.

Yes meno did hug me till I nearly burst, but she does that to everyone.

Maybe a few pictures later but I didn't take many as I was too busy drinking having fun.

I know I am trying not to become a chubber.....

But I also know that I am hungerery in the way a thing that is hungereryful would be.

So I am going out to get me an FISH SAMMICH!

so bloody there.

(Part 277639 of "my rock and roll lifestyle continues apace." - out soon on blank DVD)

Yes a rant.

The ones in Boots seem to be the most annoying bastard things in the universe!

You scan your first item. Beep! Fine.

“Place item in bagging area”

So you do, then the only options it gives you is to pay for the item and finish or cancel the transaction! Nowhere does it say “continue adding items” what is the bloody point of that!

OK, yes if I had waited and asked a member of staff to help they would have been able to point out where I was going wrong but sod that! I could not get the bugger to cooperate so I told it to go fuck itself and went to a till with a person behind it!

Bloody machines!

Yes stop right there, I know it’s not – but it is to me as I have tomorrow off.

Well YOU all come on here and gloat when you have a short week so I thought I might as well.

I am off very early in the morning of the real Friday to see the Moff, up there in the cold place that is otherwise known as Edinburgh, so major Yayness there. And as we are not going by plane but by train, no one will confiscate my lighter or try to make me take my shoes off. May also get round to briefly appearing at blog meet thingy.

But it is not all Yayness here at Old Nick towers.

Nope, this morning I seem to have a dose of the nose tadpoles and also a sore throat.

And a manky feeling eye…

And to top (or tail) it all off something horrible is going on with my feet. They need attention of the chemical sort I think.

God! Dripping nose, manky eye, sore throat and dodgy feet……….

Am I not the most desirable and shag worthy man in all of Christendom?

Do NOT answer that. It was sarcarmasam.

It was everywhere today.

On the tube this morning, everyone sitting around me suddenly looked to my right, I hit stop on the mp3 and heard

"NO FUCK YOU YA CUNT, I ASKED YOU TO FUCKING MOVE AND YOU FUCKING IGNORED ME"

"NO I DIDN'T I"

"DON'T FUCKING GIMME THAT I WILL NUT YOU YOU CUNT!"

Two people were having this "discussion" standing up by the doors. There were other "jolly comments" in the street vernacular that seemed to refer to the aggrieved party doing some very rude things to the perceived transgressors mother. All at very high levels of volume and testosterone.

In Soho square at lunch time, walking through back to the office there was a loose amalgamation of "street drinkers" gathered around a bench. Chatting in some weird language beyond sober and employed. I tend to call these clusters "The Tenants Association" due to their favored beverage.

One of their number who was sat on the bench wearing only trainers, jeans and a V necked jumper in this cold weather suddenly bellowed:

"I WANNA BAGA CHUPS! I REEELY WANNA BAGA CHUPS!"

He may or may not have been from a little way north.

In the stairwell later that day, one of our "Charming" cleaners had closed the gents toilet. One of our "charming" members of staff who apparently comes from somewhere that is A - South Africa, and B - full of argumentative stupid people, wanted to use it.

The conversation that I heard as I passed went thusly -

"So this toilet is closed for cleaning?"

"What do you see?"

surly cleaner points to five foot high wheeled cage thing with all his crap in it to one side of the door and the sign saying "caution wet floor" in the door way.

"Does it look open?"

"But that sign is outside, are you saying the toilet is out of use?"

"What do YOU imagine?"

"So you put the sign outside but the floor is wet in there?"

"Well you couldn't see it if it was in here and it is there along with this big cage thing to give people........"

At this point I passed out of earshot behind the beepy pass card operated doors and into the inner sanctum.

But I doubt they went out for a pint after work and exchanged email addresses.

For being one of the few bloggers not to mention the American election results in a post at all.

Oh FUCK!

meh...

Come home, pour yourself a glass of Southern Comfort and Ginger, add ice.

Turn guitar amp on and plug in, have a swig of drink.

Do some finger exercises, play some blues at a reasonable volume (with the volume control on the guitar rolled off to about 5 to get a just breaking up sound through an expensive valve amp simulation)

Then turn to the back of the guitar magazine and teach yourself to play "Greensleeves" finger style.

After an hour of slowly getting better, have a break and crank the volume and play "Fire and Rain" - the Badlands version - and then maybe some more high volume blues wailing.

Have another drink as the first one seems to have evaporated.

Well it worked for me.

Now a Jacuzzi to finish off.

G'night.

I am so proud of you, having watched you grow from an ickle babba to the clever academic brainiac odd kid you are now.

Be ready for a visit from the Vodka Fairy this weekend.

Have a great day.

x

more animals

No, I have not had a fear induced accident at work - I just do.

I apparently keep too much toxic residue in my pockets, how else do I explain the holes that appear in them after what seems like mear months?

After feeling your mobile phone sliding down your leg for the umpteanth time you start to get the message. And the message is "Buy some new trousers you twonk!"

But I am a bloke. And shopping for clothes bores the crap out of me. I hate it.

But I don't want all my loose change falling into an Edinburgh gutter this weekend (along with me possibly) do I?

Because if that happens, how will I be able to afford Haggis and chips on the way home from the pub?

The incredible headless child.

The view while having the first decent coffee of the day.

The park and stuff....

There, even AJ would think twice before bunging up so many photos!

Phew, I need a drink.

Drink this stuff..............

Because it makes going on very fast roller coasters SO much more painful............

Ahem.

I feel like my body has been attacked by a group of little gnomes armed with little lead hammers.

I have a bruise in the centre of my back, my knees feel battered and my elbows and hips ache and I am sure I heard them creak. Various spots on the inside of my head hurt where my brain bounced off them and my neck is filled with crackly bits from attempting to keep said cranium attached to my body.

This is because all of the roller coasters Sarah wanted to go on where the ones that didn't go upside down. This meant that they were of the good old wooden construction sort. This in turn means they do tend to rattle you about alot! and plunge down almost vertical drops. And change direction with head snapping swiftness.

She loved them.

I am in pain. Oh well. I not as bad off as Ships who seems to have caught a very nasty cold.

This may be due to the full gamut of weather we had - everything in one day on most days, Bright sun, cloud, drizzle, torrential rain - I sat with Sarah on one of those big swinging boat rides in the warmest and heaviest rain ever experienced on a ride as Sarah and I giggled at how daft we were being. Mind you the twenty or so Spanish kids on it with us were all singing some song or other so it was all rather jolly.

The Portaventure park is a great place and each of the themed areas (Mediterranean, Polynesian, far East and Far West) were "spookyed up" with bones and spiders and cobwebs. And various monsters would roam the park during the day trying to scare people.

Oh and on Halloween I got Sarah a big gory cut on the face and we made her up like a corpse. Might just show you some pictures of that. Mebbe. If you're good. (you have no idea how funny it was sitting next to Sarah on a ride where everyone else is screaming and she is sitting being totally blank and not reacting because she was being a dead girl.....she almost managed it for the whole ride!)

Anyway, enough of this. I am sure Mrs F or Queene Mab or Shipscook will fill you in on more details and there will be photos to bore you all silly from us as well.

As for me, I am off back to bed to await my breakfast.

Yeah it's another tough old Sunday ahead of me.