Area 136

Sorry if this is old news, but I only just saw it on "Guitarist" magazines web site.

John Paul Jones let slip at a recent guitar show that he, Jason Bonham and Jimmy Page are looking for a singer so they can go on tour.

Now I thought they already had one.........

I suppose sir Percy Plant has turned his nose up at the huge public demand for a Led Zep tour not to mention the massive amounts of cash that would be offered yet again.

But what would they call it?

The Ronnie James Dio era lineup of Black Sabbath are touring under the name of "Heaven and Hell", what would they call LZ without the front man?

Dazed and Confused?

Trampled underfoot?

I would like them to use the name they had to gig under in the very early days of the band, when countess Von Zeppelin saw the cover of the first album and objected, threatening leagal action if the band used their name when playing in germany.

And that name was...

The Knobs.

I think that would work.

Annoys me as well.

When someone on another section that is located near your group of desks, a section that has NOTHING to do with your team AT ALL, decides one morning – after never having done it before in the past months – decides to say “good morning”

What are you up to eh?

What do you know that I don’t?

Just fuck off and stop trying to interact, this is an office not a pub!

God working in an office makes you paranoid.

It is cold enough to freeze the lipstick off an Essex girl in this here fancy “the London” this morning.

Which is good. No it is really, because the weather in Spain for the last week has been in the 20’s but is this week set to drop to a low of 11! Which is a bit of a bugger, but as we have to get up at 02.00 tomorrow morning for our short break in said country the biting cold here will make us appreciate any hint of warmth anywhere else.

I will be warm of course; I find that having to keep up with an excited 8 year old tends to generate a lot of heat. I just hope the pools are either indoors or heated.

I don’t think Sarah has realised that the amusement park is open into the evenings yet, so that will be good seeing it all lit up at night. This will also mean that we get to have some fun on our first day rather than just travel, arrive, and collapse.

We will be coming back late on Saturday, which means that I will be home in time to say one of three things very loudly at the telly on Sunday-

“Yes! Lewis did it!”

“Bugger! Maybe next year…bloody Ferrari bastids”

Or

“YOU TWAT! You can’t win it in the first corner! Fucking IDIOT!”

Still at least Sarah won’t be there to pick up any useful new words.

So says google mail with alarming and boring regularity.

If one of the rare occasions on which I am free to chat should align with the even rarer occasion of someone I know actually being available on google chat, the bastid thing keeps cutting out.

This leads to lots of exchanges like

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"I said how are things in London?"

"I didn't see that, sorry...."

Very annoying.

It can't be the fault of the connection here at work because it does happen at home. Just not as much.

In other non vital and highly dull news (yes I am sad, blogging bugger all just because I feel I should say something - attention seeking? Me? never!) my right eye is a bit gunged up. You know the way your eyes are after you wake up? that sort of gooey feeling that normally goes away in a few minutes? I have that still in my right eye now.

If I have some infection or something I will not be pleased.

Altough it could be the perfect excuse to wear an eyepatch in Spain for helloween...

WHO WERE YOU NAMED AFTER?

Two saints, Nicholas and Peter.

.2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

A few weeks ago.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

Nope.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

Right now it's duck - as I can smell one roasting away in the kitchen

5. DO YOU HAVE, OR HAVE YOU EVER HAD, PETS? HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD PETS?

When I was a kid we always had two dogs, a number of rabbits (the number of which increased for some unknown reason...ahem) A bunch of tortoises, fish in the pond in the garden, a duck at one point that we took in because it was hurt and we also took in the next door neighbors cat when it got fed up with living with two great Danes.

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

Probably as we could talk for hours about guitars and failed romances and I would get all the obscure references that I use.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?

Me? use sarcasm? NEVER! ahem. (it is the lowest form of witt, but I use it out of respect for the company I am forced to keep at work)

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes

9. WOULD YOU JUMP OUT OF AN AIRPLANE?
I am not sure. I have stood on top of a very tall building next to Niagara Falls and looked down into the boiling pit of water hundreds of feet below.........and there is something very inviting about that huge space in front of you..it pulls at you, and you think "Jump?"

Fuck I am mad.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL?
Speical K - as part of my desperate fight to not be a fat middle aged bloke.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Yes! BUT! the lace fairies come along and tighten them up in the night so next day, although you got your foot out of them easily last night, you can NOT get them back in the next day. What the bloody hell is going on there then?

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?

Sarah always says "you are so strong daddy!" but she is 8 so it's no contest. Mentally I know I am not as strong as I need to be. I fall apart far too easily.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM?
Don't actually have one.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

Anything noticeable. Eyes normally, because I just like nice kind/sexy eyes. That of course is regarding the opposite sex, people in general I notice a mix of body language, voice patterns and other things and make a snap decision if they are someone I can get on with or not. I am not often wrong.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOU?

You want me to pick just ONE!

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Not telling. If you know me well enough you know.

18. WHAT COLOUR TOP AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
I am not wearing shoes. Does a blue bathrobe count as a top?

19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?

Yum Tom soup. (very spicy mushroom and prawn soooooop made by shipscook)

20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Mrs F correcting my spelling. and now saying "Oh you bugger! you're not going to put that are you?"

21. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE?
BLACK! hehehehe

22. FAVOURITE SMELLS
I hate to admit it, but right now it is the smell outside Subway sandwich shops. They just smell sooooo goooooood.

23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
mezza.

24. FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Formula 1. And nekked female baby oil wrestling. One of them is wishful thinking.......

25. HAIR COLOUR?

Too short to tell now. Scalp probably.

26. EYE COLOUR?

Dark Blue

27. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Not yet, but you never know.

28. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy Movies with Scary endings.

29. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

Captain Kidd, starring James Laughton. Old B&W movie with not enough quaffing or blowing up of ships going on, and far too few wenches. I may want my money back.

30. WHAT COLOUR TROUSERS, JEANS OR SKIRT ARE YOU WEARING?

Have we not covered this above?

31. SUMMER OR WINTER?

Not bothered. Summer and winter have their good points. You can actually be happy in any weather. Well so I am told.

32. HUGS OR KISSES?
Yes please.

33. FAVOURITE DESSERT?

Wine.

34. WHAT'S OUTSIDE YOUR WINDOWS RIGHT NOW?

A front garden.

35. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Not using one.

36. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Was out for most of it, came home and we all had some cocktails featuring absinthe so the tv was just a swirly colour box in the corner that made us giggle and nod off.

37. FAVOURITE SOUND?
Sarah Laughing.

38. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
The Stones every time. Can't believe they are still doing it after all these years. Good old Fred and Barney.

39. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Erm, Mauritius or Mexico.

40. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Loads. I have very flexible hands so that is a lot of fun when I have a pair of woolly gloves. I can do a great impression of Darth Vader and Obi Wan Kenobi having a punch up. I can draw reasonably well and used to be able to do it a lot better. I can make people laugh. I can play guitar to an acceptable standard. I can cook a few things well (need to expand my repertoire a bit) Can sing "How much is that doggy in the window" backwards.

You will notice there is absolutely nothing of any practical use there, but so what.

41. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
At my parents house during the worst snowstorm for years. The house number being 136. So now you know the reason behind the name of this blog.

I have a back ache now for some reason....god these long mememememmememememes take it out of you.

Ah bugger it, it's Sunday so why bother.

Just watched an old pirate movie "Captain Kidd" with Charles Laughton in the lead role. Not enough quaffing or blowing up of ships for our liking but it killed an hour or so.

Mrs F is in packing mode already!

Sarah has a little carry on bag now full of her clothes ready for the off and Mrs F is parceling up the toiletries in those stupid little bags you have to wave at the airport security Nazis to prove you are not going to do anything remotely naughty on the plane, like use too much shampoo or toothpaste.

Soooooooooooooo,

Ships cook is about to roast us a duck for our dinner, and Mrs F is swearing about something from upstairs regarding washing. Maybe she does not approve of the way I have chucked all my clean t-shirts into a pile ontop of the dressing table in my room.

Yeah I'm a bloke, s'what we do darlin'

A happy snuggley Sunday evening all round.

I don't like to shave on Sundays if I can get away with it.

And I normally can. A walk in the forest or a pub lunch can be done when sporting stubble. If we go somewhere more public or up market I will give in and scrape my face one more time.

But if I don't have to I won't. I strongly suspect today will be one of those where I don't have to as trips out look doubtful - it has been raining all day so far and I have very little motivation to get out of my bathrobe never mind shave.

I have just has a shower mind you, I am not a total skuzbuckit.

Yesterday was a good day out though, we visited Soho after a trip to Forbidden Planet, then into mollys for a quick drink, then down Old Compton Street to Jerrys off license to stock up on Absinth, Comandaria and some walnut liqueur (for taking home, not for swigging on the streets no matter how many times I suggested it) then into the George in Wardour street, then the Spanish Bar - I have found a pub that is smaller than mollys! - then off to Navarros for the food part of the evening. Then into the Wheatsheaf on the way back to the train for a couple of pints and to watch their "Pet Mouse" run around on the carpet of the back bar when he thought no one was looking. Then home to lounge on the sofa with some cocktails featuring said absinth, then bed and funny dreams.

So I think that would be enough of a reason to just loaf around today determinedly not shaving.

I don't actually like shaving, but I am not growing a beard again.

Oh well. Time to go find a distraction and or a drink.

Hope your Sunday is going well.

We are off to that there fancy "The London" soon for an afternoon of mooching about having fun and looking at stuff in shops.

I have threatened to introduce Mrs F to the wonders that can be found in the basements of some of Soho's book shops, just to expand her horizons you understand.

If we can drag shipscook out of whatever "legitimate" book shop he has built a nest in, we are off for a meal in Navarros again. Love that Tapas place.

The thing is we will be wandering around all the places I wander around at lunch times when at work. You would think this would not be very entertaining in a "Coals to Newcastle" kind of way, but I love the area in and around Soho. It is just so full of stuff and things going on, and sometimes off.

Even though I love the countryside, I am a city boy at heart.

Because by that time, I will have watched about five minutes of the repeat of "Jeff Beck live at Ronnie Scotts" on BBC3 or 4 or whatever.

It amazes me that Jeff is so overlooked, almost forgotten. He is a fantastic player.

But,

When you hear him speak and listen to the things he says....Sometimes he reminds me of Nigel Tufnel from Spinal Tap.

As you may have noticed, I just luuuurrrrve the Smoked Salmon sammiches they do in Prets – just salmon, lemon juice and cracked black pepper. Gorgeous.

This week however I have been seduced by a “tarted up” version of my favourite Sammich, which comes under the guise of “Special of the week”

Still the same wonderful fish, but also with wondrous chunky free range egg mayo, a smattering of red onion and some leaf spinach.

God it tastes Sooooooooooooooooooo good.

Nom nom nom.

In the corner of our office there is a kitchen. It is snazzy and enclosed in a low curving wall at about chest height and is all fake marble worktops and microwavage and kettle spotted and sinkage for washing and a row of big fridge things for staff to keep their munchables in.

We also get free instant coffee and free tea bags. The milk is provided as well.

What credit crunch?

Anyway the thing is that this coffee is of the large catering drum variety and although it is free it is crap. If you make black hole coffee* with it, you end up with something that tastes like viper piss by the end of the day, not something that enables you to see through time – which is what black hole coffee made with decent stuff enables you to do.

So rather than save my pennies and drink the free crap, I have gone back to buying the slightly better instant stuff from the corner shop.

I has standards I has. And a coffee addiction.

* Black hole coffee.
Make a big mug of strong black coffee, sit at your desk and drink five sixths of it.
Due to the pressures of work/blogging/special interest sites, this remaining drop will go cold.
When you want another cup, add a big teaspoon of coffee to this cold remainder in the mug and top up with hot water.
Sit at desk and drink while working.
Let last bit go cold in mug.
Add more coffee.
Add more hot water.
Repeat all day.
By the end of the day or at least by sometime after lunch you will be speaking at a speed only fax machines can register and will be able to do stupid things much quicker and with more authority.

Don't try this at home kids.

I don’t do suits and stuff at work.

And it is dress down Friday, a concept only partially taken on board here these days. Some of the teams on this floor go casual and the rest stay all shirty and tied.

I just wear the same sort of stuff each day. T-shirt and Army surplus black fatigues today. And big boots.

So coming down from the top floor canteen in the lift, there are two builders in it with me talking to each other. There are builders around because they are building a new office entrance and reception.

One of the builders says to his mate, “I gotta go sign the sight log book..” then looks at me and says, “It’s on the second floor innit? The site log book?”

“I sorry I have no idea where it is”

Oh great, I look like a builder and not the highflying office admin monkey I really am!

I don’t know if I am pleased or not.

"Can we chat about the holiday?"

Now she wants to chat, I have just put her to bed and now she wants to chat about our short four day trip to Spain. All night she has been playing with Mr Bing, the Russian dwarf hamster that she and Jo are looking after for Jo's "Friend" Mr M ("Why has such a small creature got such huge balls" I managed to wonder in my head, not out loud) so this is why the subject is coming up now.

Earlier I had been directing Sarah as she picked out her clothes for the trip "No, not a skirt - we are going on rides in a fun fair and it will blow up and show everyone your Alans darling" and such.

So now we have to talk.

Or rather I have to bat away the rapid fire hyper drive questions being shot at me from just above the edge of the duvet.

"Do they have Taramasalata? I love that!"

"No baby, that is Greek. We will have tapas and..."

"Do the other people there celebrate Helloween? not the hotel people or the people that live there but the other people on holiday?"

"I don't know, the Spanish love an excuse to set off loads of fireworks and some of the brits may want to dress up and have a party so I think the hotel might do a..."

"What day out of the ones we are there is it on? Helloween? how much time to we have to go shopping for my Helloween costume? Will there be any there?"

"Well I would think so but I am taking your pirate t-shirt and a new headscarf thing for you so if we can't find anything you can be a zombie pirate or something, maybe Auntie F may do your eyes up like she did to me on new year and we could..."

"Do we have a balcony!? our room! does it have a balcony?"

"I don't know darling. Please relax and go to sleep and tomor...."

"I'm too EXCITED DADDY!"

Who would be a Dad eh?

You know that feeling you get after you have spent all morning hard at work, doing your job.

That feeling of satisfaction and the glow of anticipation as you think of the grateful thanks your bosses will heap upon you.

And the overwhelming pride you feel in working for your company?

Nah, me neither.

more animals

more animals

(click for full sizage)

So I am returning to my desk, and I pass a young woman in a very nice LBD, she has dark hair and is very pretty and as we pass our eyes meet briefly.

“She is niiiiiiice” thinks me. Her thoughts are a mystery. Basically because she is female and I am male so it’s all beyond me.

I turn around the end of the row of desks that mine is in and am now heading in the same direction as said nice young lady and she turns to go past the row.

My nose itches and sends a message to my right hand that says “Oi! Scratch me!”

My right hand says “OK”, and heads up to do said scratching.

Pretty young lady in LBD turns her head slightly and looks at me as she passes.

This, for some reason causes the index finger of my right hand, bound for delivering a quick little scratch to the bridge of my nose, to – for some bizarre reason – go into my right nostril.

Pure fucking class.

She will be mine by lunchtime.

My steaming great heap of a computer is finally up to operational speed.

I have a compilation CD from Classic Rock magazine loaded into the disk drive and my headphones plugged in.

The mahoosive file of data I have to check is open and taunting me with its total lack of doing anything like get smaller.

The finance programme is chugging away.

And the coffee is steaming away in the mug next to said pc.

Meh.

Better get on with it then.

Who said modern life is rubbish?

Now, I have never asked anyone this question for fear of finding out it is just something mad and OCDish that I alone do, an it involves the contents of your pockets.

Understandably it is not a suitable subject for blokey conversation down the pub, because after a few “Rachaels” asking your drinking companions “what have you got in your pockets?” could be taken the wrong way, like you have been staring at the front of their trousers on the quiet.

But, what I was a wondering is,

Do you put the same things in the same pockets of your trousers/Jeans/billowy 80’s parachute pants every time you change?

I do.

I have my keys and my lighter in my left front hip pocket

Mobile phone and small banknotes/small change in my right front hip pocket

And – as I normally where combat style trousers these days – my ciggies in my left thigh side pocket

And packet number two, building pass and oyster card in the right thigh side pocket.

Now if in the blur of action that my life normally is (ahem) I put one of these items in a different pocket, I get a manic burst of adrenalin shooting through me because as the item is not where it should be it is obviously lost! This is followed by a short burst of calling myself “an utter knobber” under my breath when I discover the item in a pocket it has no right to be lurking in.

You would be amazed how often that happens. Strangely it happens quite a lot at blog meets. Can’t imagine why……………..

So,

Do you allocate the items you always carry with you to the same pocket, or am I a lone nutter?

Impossible cascading arpeggios of notes fade up out of the silence. “That must be sped up” and at the start they may well be but the speed and crystal clear skill of the picking still staggers when “normal” speed is reached.

A synth picks out a bass note under this and when the deluge of notes stop, he gets the blues – but not in a way normal players get it. Fuzz and precision still reign, and the feel and phrasing are spot on, then – maybe he has a coffee problem, the speed creeps in, and his fingers fly off into territory far out of reach of my own.

Bastard.

Rather than skulk in a pub this lunch time I decided for a wander and a bit of shopping. Trekked through Soho and saw James May standing in a doorway having a ciggie. He is a bit taller than me I think, gatherers of non interesting facts.

Wandered along Brewer street and noticed that the credit crunch is even hitting the "Specialist interest" DVD shops, where you can now get two DVD's for the price of one. Bad times for bankers, good times for wankers. But which is which? I am never sure.

They aslo seem to have the bloody xmas lights up in Regent street already! Can we not get halloween and bonfire night out of the way first? Mad I tell ya!

Then into HMV shop where I got myself the new AC/DC album, "Get out of my yard" by guitar god Paul Gilbert, and "Assualt and Battery" by Rose Tattoo - I don't have that on cd yet. Well I do now obviously. Also at the counter I picked up a cheap halloween party record. One disc is full of crap cover versions of sort of helloween themed songs, but the second cd is full of spooky sound effects to add atmosphere to any Ghoulish gathering:

Thundersorms, creaking doors and ghost sound effects. Should be fun with the lights out!

Now I am going to bung a cd in the computer and get on with some of this very very dull work I still have to do.

Meh.

I just saw this and decided to steal it as a barrier method of delaying the start of the working day.

Do you eat a lot of fast food?
I try not to, but sometimes all you really want is a burger or a kebab. Or a deep fried Mars Bar - but the mars bar only becomes a good idea when very drunk late at night in Edinburgh.

How many people have you kissed in 2008?
Three.

Have you ever streaked?
Oh no. I am actually rather shy. And I am not liking my body enough to do that sort of thing.

Are you an understanding person?
I try to understand people and why they do things. I also try to understand why I do and think the things I do. Get tied up in nots trying to check if I am being selfish or if my motives are "pure" or even slightly bad.

What was the last movie you saw in the cinema?
I can't remember! I hate cinemas. Well actually I hate the fact that they let the general public into them and that C*NT who insists on tapping his foot against the back of the chair in front ALWAYS sits behind me! I would rather get a DVD and watch the film in the comfort of my own home. Can't lounge around in your Bathrobe with a drink and some nibbles in the cinema can you. No you can't! tried it once and am still banned from all Odeons in London.

What did you last get upset about?
My Daughter.

Do you eat sweets on a daily basis?
No. I don't have much of a sweet tooth.

Does it make you happy to get letters?
The last letter I got was from a blogger, the result of a sort of challenge. It was so nice to get something someone sat down and wrote. I wanted to reply but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to do it. I think I was scared they would see my appaling hand writing and think me odd.

Who was the last person to text you?
Laura.

What are you looking forward to this summer?
Some good weather. Decorating my flat? I live in hope on both counts.

Who was the last person you ate with?
S&F last night.

Do raisins belong in cookies?
Yep.

Walking into a party, what's the first thing you notice?
How nervous I am, how much I want to hide. How much acting confident and outgoing to hide all this has got easier over the years. How well I can fool people.

Kiss on the first date?
Yeah, if they instigate it. Actually it has been years since I had a "first date" so that is a bit of dredge of the memory.

Would you rather have chicken or steak?
Steak in a place that does them well, rare and tender.

What's one thing you've learned from a good friendship gone bad?
You should be very careful who you trust.

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Sarah.

Would you ever donate blood?
Yes. Don't like being stuck with needles but it has been done and is not that bad.

Have you ever felt replaced?
God yes. On numerous occasions. I has issues I has!

Are there deerheads covering any walls in your house?
No. The house where I reside at the moment has a fine selection of Cat pictures in various styles.

Have you ever been asked out?
I can't remember. So I will say no.

Are you good at telling jokes?
Apparently. But I don't normally tell many. I can make people laugh though and I am glad about that.

Have you ever driven without a license?
No

Do you wish you had smaller feet?
Not really, size nine is fine.

When ordering sushi, what do you get?
Whatever looks nice - no, I don't know what is called what.

Do you write in cursive or in print?
I print most of the time so other people stand a chance of reading the notes I leave them.

Who was the last person you sat next to?
Some unknown suit on the train.

What were you doing at 10 am?
it is only 09.30am now, so I will be sat at my desk working. Ahem.

Are you different now than you were six months ago?
Probably. A little maybe. Still anxious about my future, still beset by "monkeys" in da heed on occasion. But things are slowly getting better I think. I am living in "interesting times" after all.

What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?
Red wine possibly.

How old will you be in 10 months?
46

Do you think you'll be married by then?
Oh do fuck off.

Was yesterday better than today?
Yesterday was a day of rest and today is a day of being at work. So on balance, no.

What month is your birthday in?
March. I iz an fish.

Can you live a day without tv?
Yes.

When was the last time you saw your dad?
A long time ago.

How many pets do you have?
None. My family used to have loads, always 2 dogs, a bunch of rabbits, a smattering of Tortoises, a pond of fish. I like animals but they need a lot of time and attention.

Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
I like walking around barefoot if it is doable, normally on holiday and such. Like to be bare foot indoors.

Available?
Not as such.

What is your favorite colour?
Oh god. Erm safest bet is to say black.

What are you doing for your next birthday?
I suspect I am going to be taken to a european city for drinkies and eaties.

Do you like coffee?
Oh yes.

Do you like iced tea?
Never had it.

What are you listening to?
The dull hiss of office chatter and my mobile beeping in my pocket.

Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
I don't mind which side I sleep on. If it is a big bed and I am on my own I sleep in the middle.

If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
I would not have gone bald thanks.

Do you know how to play poker?
Nope. Well people have tried to show me how and it is a waste of time.

What are you thinking about right now?
The last time someone tried to explain how to play poker.

Any plans for next weekend?
Not yet. Need to speak to various people and see what the options are.

What were you doing at 12 last night?
Getting ready for bed.

Do you smile a lot?
I try not to at work. I have a reputation to maintain. I like smiling, I do it whenever something makes me smile obviously. Some days are much better than others.

Have you ever had a life-threatening injury?
Well my appendix nearly blew up. So I suppose yes. But that is not an injury as such.

Do you like flying or driving?
I cant drive or fly, but I don't mind being driven somewhere. I get to look more at the scenery obviously so its good. I love flying but hate air travel. Being up in the air is fantastic and looking down at the clouds and the ground far below....but air travel sucks. And they seem to allow all the people I hate from the cinema onto every flight I take.

What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
Guitar toys.

Do you wear any jewelry daily?
Yes, but it changes. Today is one ring on each hand, one goddess pendant thing round my neck. The four earings are in all the time and of course the seven silver chains that are almost always round my left wrist.

Who got you the jewelry you are currently wearing?
The silver chains were given to me by various old girlfriends mostly. The rings/earings and pendant by someone special.

Who is the funniest person you know?
Me obviously. I actually am greatful that I know some good people who can make me laugh alot. I am not ranking them on here.

How often do you remember your dreams?
Quite often, but then after you have been awake for fifteen minutes they fade away and leave you with that really annoying feeling you have forgotten something important.

What is your ringtone?
Vibrate normally.

Skim, 1%, 2%, or whole milk?
Semi skimmed

Are you mad about anything?
Guitars and guitar gadgets, F1, women.

What time did you go to sleep last night?
I don't know, if I did it would mean I was awake looking at the clock and therefore not asleep.

Where did you last sleep besides your own bed?
The bed in the spare room back at the house.

Well, that killed half an hour and probably a few of you.

It may be dull, but at least its ............dull.

Oh bollocks.

Sarah has decided that we are going to have a bit of a Halloween celebration tonight, just because we can.

Or rather she can, as being 8 gives her special privileges.

I have pointed out that we will actually be in Spain celebrating Halloween in a few weeks but any excuse to carve a Pumpkin eh?

So Sarah has just shown me the said pumkin - face designed by her and cut out by Mrs F, and I think I am now required to hang the spider decorations. Soddin' typical!

Bloody spiders.

Oh well.

Shipscook is rustling up some pheasants on a bed of roasted veg or some such nommage and all in all it looks like being a fun evening.

(Then tomorrow I get up early and watch Mr Hamilton fling his car at the scenery in the first corner, swear alot and undo all the good work de-stressing that we will do tonight)

Hope you are all having a good Saturday out there people.

In other news, I see another blog persona has gone from my list. I will miss her.

x

About, erm well over two thousand lines of company addresses.

I checked them ALL!

Against our finance system to see if everything was OK.

Took me three weeks. I is going mad.

And yesterday, I started another area of the country. I attacked this file for about four hours this morning almost nonstop (well having a pony, getting coffees and having ciggies are vital distractions) because I don't want it to take me that long this time. Gave it another couple of hours after lunch too. See! I do bloody work when I have to!

I am going nuts.

Today I eased the boredom by miming the lyrics to whatever song was on the mp3 with occasional bursts of air drumming.

Got a very strange look from the suit opposite me.

sod him, my sanity was at risk!

So that is why not many posts from me today.

Mind you, I obviously have nothing to say.

Now excuse me, I think I deserve a glass of Havana Club 7 year old Rum.

You ain't seen me, RIGHT?!

Yeah they have made one, and I saw an interview with the great man yesterday on You tube where he was talking about the concept.

I said “are you going to put a dick on it?” and they said “No” so I said “It ain’t gonna get any action then is it!”

Hebburndelboy that is.

Not that you are around too much these days, but have a good one if possible.

Yes you, over there on the other side of the channel.

I hope the day goes well and you have a good birthday.

Remember, being in your 40's is not all bad.

Isitjustme that is.

Hope today is a good one.

x

Because frankly they have let me down.

How else can I explain the desecration of a site of social and historical importance that should have been preserved for the enjoyment of future generations?

When I arrived at work today I saw that the builders working on the ground floor refurbishment are boarding off the area around the two disused vehicle entrances in anticipation of them being ripped out and replaced with a new pedestrian entrance.

But behind this wall of wood, hidden and unavailable to me now, will be the little sanctuary I called

“The smoking step”

OK, it was only a bit of kerbing in the entry way, but you could stand on that and survey the wonderful people of London as they hurried by, protected (a bit) from the wind and rain in the recess where the big steel shuttered door stands and reach some sort of smoky nirvana as your nicotine couched thoughts drifted to the higher plain of truth that only smokers can know.

I have lost a little bit of my world.

Stop laughing you bastards!

I am grieving……..

Go home, sweep her into my arms, and carry her gently to the sofa.

Strip her, and with her laying naked across my lap, gently rub the oil into her neck and stroke her curves………

Yep.

My guitar really needs the crap cleaned off the fret board and seeing as I got that bottle of lemon fret board oil a couple of days ago it’s about time I used it.

What?

Well there isn’t one. Not one I am aware of anyway.

But sitting by a nice river with the low autumn sun bright on the water as you watch people punting, you notice a few things.

So let me pass on a few tips about things to be aware of.

Girls, That thin cotton summer skirt may be comfy and cool, but when your standing there with the sunshine reflecting off the water behind you, we will be able to tell if you have any knickers on or not.

And if you are wearing a low cut top and have large breasts, maybe leaning forward to use the extra paddle to help steer is not a wise thing to do (but thanks for doing it anyway whoever you were)

Also beware of the punting pole thingy and how you hold it. It will get wet you see and if you are not careful how you hold it against your thin strap top, you will look like one of your breasts is leaking.

As for chaps, we all look like idiots in punts anyway no matter what we have on.

Like many of our local authorities, I too have lost money in Iceland.

Oh yes.

It could really fuck up my future.

I was leaning over the freezer cabinet to get some mushy peas and a fiver fell out of my pocket.

Some chav is probably living the high life on cheap cider right this minute.

Damn him.

A post of no importance is about to follow, so go do something else now.

I have been doing loads of work related crap today, and due to this pc being so crap it has taken a while. Internet access was so slow it was a struggle to open the site or my emails so in frustration I gave in and did some work.

But now, thanks to the magic of reboot computer, delete loads of stuff off my desktop, disk clean up and people going early for the weekend, thus lowering the demand on the net connection, I am here!

Yeah I know, big fucking deal.

Still, at least it looks like I am working. (the difference between me working and blogging at my computer consists mainly of me swearing slightly more when I am working, and looking a lot more pissed off. But don’t tell anyone)

Now I would just like to know, this thing about local authorities loosing money that they had stashed in Icelandic banks – why do local authorities have money to save up in foreign banks! Is that not money raised from us, council tax and the like? And if they have it, and heaps of it too so it seems, why are they not using it to make our lives better. In fact, if they have that much knocking around “spare” does it not prove that we are being overcharged by the bastards?

I know my grip on politics and finance is childish and ill informed, but still – what the fuck is going on people?

In other news, IZ FRIDAY - HENJOY!

Last night at home, the only liquid to pass my lips was about three pints of water. No booze of any description was had at all that evening, although I did have a couple of pints at lunchtime.

I even went to bed at the reasonable (given my bed times lately) time of 01.00.

And I got to sleep fairly quickly, had no bad dreams and slept through till the alarm on my phone went of at 05.45.

And I woke up feeling like I had a hangover!

HOW DOES THAT WORK EXACTERMALLY!

I had a headache and felt very “urgh” for want of a better term.

Hmmm, obviously living a sober and virtuous life does not agree with me.

Feel better now though.

Probably because I have just purchased a guitar magazine and can sit at lunchtime lusting over the curvy shiny things therein……..

I cannot sleep.
I will not.
For sleep would rob me of the few hours I have left.
To look at you,
Laying beside me.

There was a time (not too long ago) when coming back from an hours lunch break would mean a welter of posts from my friends to get through, and loads of comments to read.

These days it seems that people, well the people that I know at least, are blogging less.

Yep there are many many people blogging and if I chose to get out of my rut more often I could go and read some new (or new to me) bloggers offerings but at work, time is supposedly money. And you do have to actually work. Stop fucking laughing!

I read blogs and do not always comment, but there used to be so many more.

Or so it seems.

We were all so much more productive.

Maybe we are all getting other things to do, or more important things to concern ourselves with.

Or maybe every boss has cottoned on and said “blog and die, you worthless wage slave!”

Or maybe things are different.

Roses are Red,

Violets are Blue,

I'm shite at poetry,

and am off down the pub.

People who spit in the street!

Not enough to do anything about it obviously, I mean what could I do

“Excuse me! Pick that up!” yargness indeed – and probably would instigate a beating from the thick-necked builder type who has just emptied his lungs onto the street.

It is hugely unsanitary and just plain revolting!

Stop it you fuckers!

Nothing can ruin your enjoyment of a crisp autumn morning more than the sound of someone summoning up “lung butter” for immediate launch.

Rant over.

I know a lot of people would say it was, but you have to follow your own path.

The thing is, there is only one Led Zeppelin Album that I love every song on (LZ 2 - utter classic all the way through) so when loading other LZ albums on to the mp3 I tend to skip tracks.

To some fans of LZ this is probably total heresy. But I'm sorry, some of their lighter and more pastoral moments are my least favorite songs.

Unless I am in the right mood.

But seeing as this device gets listened to most during commuting or working, wafting lilting pluckity mandolins and such wont cut it.

I basically need a much bigger mp3 player with space for loads of different playlists.

Yeah I could do something like that with the one I have, but I reeeeely cant be arsed as it is a pain. I just bung stuff on and have to either leave the tracks that fit a very specific mood off, or hit skip alot.

And yes, I do have a problem with "Stairway.."

So click to see full picture.

more animals

Whats your name backwards?
Salohcin

Name some lines from the song you are listening to?

HUNT YOU DOWN WITHOUT MERCY!
HUNT YOU DOWN ALL NIGHTMARE LONG!
FEEL US BREATH UPON YOUR FACE!
TRACK YOUR MOVES, EVERY STEP YOU TAKE!

Gay or Straight?
Straight. Honestly. No reeeeeely.

What goes on your toast?
Carpet fluff if I am not careful.

What's the seventh text message in your inbox say?
nothing, it's a picture.

Has someone groped you in the past week?
Yep.

Lily Allen or Kate Nash?
Bettie Page.

Last person to call you babe?
Erm, a female - thankfully.

I say ‘Jump!’, you say?
"Go ahead and jump" VH with DLR rocked.

Whats the top played song on your MP3 player?
I dunno, iz on shuffle most of the time. The most skipped is by Siagon kick "love is on its way" Hmmmm. why the fuck that one is still on there I have no idea.

Who did you last hold hands with?
Sarah I think.

Who would you like to meet?
Ditta Von Tease. She would ignore me of course but, ya know.

Funniest thing that happened today?
I will have to get back to you on that one.

Are you insane?
Obviously not. Except when the monkeys come calling.

Whats on your bedside table?
Back at the House, nothing. At Home - far too much crap, I need to tidy up.

How many piercings do you have?
4

Whats one of your favourite quotes?
"......but this goes up to eleven"

Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a S or N?
Yes

Is this year the best year of your life?
It is not over yet.

Ninjas or Pirates?
Look up at the top of this blog and take a wild guess.....

Where do you want to go right now?
To the toilet.

Who do you want to go with?
Ditta Von Tease.

Do you hate My Chemical Romance?
More than likely.

What do you want from life?
Happiness with out being judged or hurting anyone.

When did you last do sex?
I don't do sex. Unless they are tied down, then it gets done to them.

What's your nickname and why?
Nick. Duh.

Anything written on your hand?
Nope

Could you run the Country?
I can't even sort my own life out, so probably not.

What are your favourite names?
Gaspode
Bottlesnucket.

Have you ever punched a hole in the wall?
No, I have soft hands

Name a good song.
The Truth Explodes.

Where's your sister?
one is somewhere in Yorkshire, the other two are somewhere in East London.

Have you got balls?
Yes, and they are no longer red.

How would you react if someone kissed you right now?
I am at work. It would not be nice.

Wheres the weirdest place you’ve peed?
Into an enamel bath that was on it's side in a side room in a squat that had no electricity, the noise this activity made gave rise to the euphemism "I am just going to join the steel band for a minute" when people wanted to go for a piss.

Are you scared of Cows?
No, my sister worked on a dairy farm and I used to help with milking and mucking out the cow sheds. A cow with a machine gun on the other hand.............

Anything else to add?
I reeeeely need a piss.

I read in the Metro today that according to those wonderful chaps in white coats, us men find women with higher pitched voices more attractive.

Eh?

This is supposedly because womens voices rise in pitch when they get to the most fertile part of their cycle – just as they are about to release an egg from their ovaries in fact.

Us men are supposed to be able to hear this change in pitch and be attracted to it.

Hmmm, couple of problems here. Us chaps seem to have enough problems noticing if our other half has had her hair done, never mind picking up a subtle change in the pitch of a voice!

And I personally have always had a fondness for husky voiced women. Vikki Butler-Hendersons voice does weird things to me, and so does Nigella Lawsons.

And women that talk at a pitch that would annoy bats do nothing for me in the most part.

But the men in white coats know best right?

Went for a shop around in HMV’s DVD department this lunch time, just to make a change from the pub you understand, and am now the proud owner of the “From Dusk Till Dawn” Trilogy.

Yes I know, I had no idea there were three of them either but as the box set only cost me a tenner I don’t care.

I love the first film – the way it starts as a typical mad evil bastids with guns on the run and taking hostages type of movie then becomes a mad, gory and not entirely sensible Vampire film at the end.

The other two I have no idea about, but they will hopefully be gory and more than likely laughably awful – fantastic!

The second one is another “gang of crooks piss off vampires” type movie and the third one is a prequel, set a hundred years before the first film probably just so they could remake the same film but with cowboys.

Might not be classic cinema club fodder, but I will probably enjoy them whenever I get to watch them.

Selling a product to the public is something I always imagined needed some sort of prior thought.

“Who would buy this product?”

“Where am I likely to find them?”

“What is the best way to present it to them?”

Imagine you are trying to sell a 40cm long wooden pirate ship, with full rigging.

Would you think -

“I know! I will wander into Pret a Manger and offer it to the busy people behind the counter!”

No neither would I.

But that is just what I saw someone doing.

“Yes Sir can I help you? Coffee? Sandwich?”

“Would you like to buy this boat?”

“No sir, we just sell coffee and sandwiches, we don’t buy things sir. Next?”

Knobber.

And no, I didn’t ask how much it was.

Yay!

Apparently I have a temperature. Or they have turned the heating up in here. Or I am going through the menopause.

Line manager is out for half a day, which is always good.

People who have been told before about the new processes in place here at work, processes that now bypass me altogether, are still contacting me and asking me to help and complaining that I have not yet done the help thing. I don't do that anymore is basically why.

So after a ciggie I am going to compose a nice polite email telling them how things are now done and try not to hammer home the point that they have been done this way for months, and everyone was told about it, including them.

Internal comms. Love it to death.

God work based posts are soooooo dull.

Hopefully while having a ciggie outside on the celebrity strewn streets of this here fancy "The London" I will witness a couple of stars having a punch up or summink.

Then I might have something interesting to say.

Don't hold you breath though...........

May just have been that we had a couple or more of these on Sunday night.

Yep, Shipscook got some Jaegermiester and made some U-Boots for us!

Cheers!

Went to the British Museum on Sunday with Mrs F and Sarah.

Saw this, Kate Moss posed for the face but can't get into this position in real life.

Guess which bit followed you round the room..............

Ahem.

Damian Hurst was getting in on the act as well....

(click to see full size on the following three pictures. Damn blog layout!)

The detail on this giant face was amazing!

All the individual hairs in the chin stubble where visible. It was quite creepy actually.

I have no idea what this is supposed to be.

But it was big and shiny so I took a picture of it. Sheep I is, I is an sheep.

And sitting on the hot desk next to me.

I have no idea who he is.

But…..

His breath smells like he has had rancid cheese and dog shit for lunch.

And if he does not stop breathing it out into the atmosphere soon, I may have to take drastic measures to stop him breathing.

So there was Mandy, standing in front of No 10 blabbing on about basically being the right man for the difficult job. Not saying anything about being the jammiest oily bastard in Christendom or anything.

And I found myself saying, "Nice job Mr camera man news reporter bloke"

Because the framing of the shot was so cool. It was on ITV's news and I don't know if you saw it - about 15 minutes ago.

Mandy there, talking earnestly...blah blah. but the background was the thing that caught my eye, and I realised that the clever camera chappy could have been trying to say something.

There is a bit of renovation and building going on in Downing street right now. The famous doorway to No 10 is free from obstruction and anyone can do the traditional shot of the talking head or reporter standing in front of the famous black door without showing any disruption.

But as Mandy was speaking, he was shot slightly from one side by the ITV camera dude. In his background you could see a building that was obviously No10/11...but also the fact that there is a lot of scaffolding outside the building. Scaffolding conjures up images of things that need to be held up. Things that are in dire need of repair. Things that are possibly about to come falling down.

And also, I could not help but notice, a lot of the scaffold tubes behind Mandy were sprayed pink............

Never mind an office full of free Gu, I am about to nom a raw Salmon, egg mayonase and spinnach sammich from prets.

I know the Gu is here and is free, but I have never been one for taking something just because it is free. All those enthusiastic sales people in soho giving out free little sample sammiches from their shops, The guys from the Humus bar handing out free dips, the free little cans of coke or whatever that are sometimes thrust at me by agency pretties when you come out of the tube. I just rather not.

I won't take something I don't want right then just because it is going for nothing.

Maybe I am odd.

And I have just noticed all my posts so far today have been about food.

Maybe I am pregnant.........

Sits in our reception.

I say large, it was probably when it was deliverd. Now about 30 pots remain out of the "up to 1000" that were to be bunged us.

The flavours are Chocolate (no suprise there) or Strawberry and Raspberry.

I have not indulged. Because I don't actually have much of a sweet tooth.

Now if it had been a crate of Samosas I would have been dead chuffed.

See, I am never happy.

Apologies to you Gu fans out there, but for me this is rather like a non-drinker inheriting a Whisky distillery.

Still at least nice things like this don't happen here every day.

Actually this is the first nice thing I can remember happening here......

An internal email Arrives.

"Our colleague, EA, has wone a competition whereby Gu will deliver up to 1000 of their deserts to this office tomorrow, Friday 3rd October, so anyone who is around can pick one up - only downside is you'll have to bring your own spoon."

As Homer Simpson once (sort of) said "Mmmmmmm free Gu"

But don't feel too envious, as some of you know - I don't actually like the stuff that much.

Just my luck, no one round here wins a competition to have free caviar and chilled Vodka delivered do they!

EDIT: and yes I have sent a text at great expense to the biggest Gu fan I know of, just to let her know. heh!

Straight after Never mind the buzzcocks has finished in fact.

I have fed and watered Sarah and she is watching James May on the telly doing stuff about vertical flight. He is her favorite from top gear, so she is enthralled.

After that she is going to bed, and I am going to slob. No interneting tonight.

I was so tired today I could not walk properly. Kept tripping over things that were not there. So no lunchtime visit to the pub and no wine tonight.

But on the train home that most annoying thing happened - I went right through being dog tired and out the other side to awake!

BUGGER! I hate doing that, now I may not get off to sleep tonight when I need to.

But I will try.

hope you awake people all have a good evening, see you tomorrow.

We are sat watching the TV and one of those adverts for the Army comes on.

Join up, make lots of mates, see the world and never ever EVER get shot at for real in some far off county EVER! sort of thing.

So there is one brief scene where a group of "camouflaged tourists" are standing chest deep in a river in a jungle.

Sarah furrows her brow and says,

"I would not want to be in their shoes"

"Well darling, they would be very wet"

"And far too big" She added.

Kids always cut straight to the nub of the matter...........

I can still feel my in ear headphones - in my ears obviously - and I am not wearing them!

Maybe I listen to the mp3 thing too much.........

Sitting drinking wine and listening to planet rock with borrowed lappy on my lap I mean.

Planet Rock has apparently won a couple of Sony radio awards and one from America as well. Not bad for a station that was going to be shut not long ago.

Have done the big adult talky stuff with Jo about what we are going to do regarding the house. And now my bloody head hurts. I just don't know. And no one say rent it out please. Not going to - I do not want to be someones landlord!

So the cheap Echo Falls Merlot is open, and a blog is here.

In other news, you can't smoke in restaurants in Tallin BUT when we were in the big beer hall thingey - they had a smoking room! A nice one too.

And they had them at the airport. Now why the fuck can't we do that over here eh!

Anyway. Time to nose around blog and some other sites that I fequent at this lateish hour.

Curses this building between 12.00 and 15.00.

Pages take ages to load and emails refuse to do anything like open quickly.

Must be because unlike me, so many people here are loafing looking for new jobs.

I was going to tell you about the nearly falling asleep during sex thing, but trying to post anything got so frustrating I gave up on that idea.

I was going to mention the guy in the suit sitting outside a restaurant in soho smoking a Hooka pipe while on his mobile phone, but that sounds like I am making it up.

We in london are being deluged and dazzled in almost equal measure, rain then sun, rain then sun. I wish it would make up its fucking mind out there!

Still...... back to the attempted surfing.

Where the fuck 2008 has actually gone!?

As I strolled back from the building society I saw a chap crossing the road.

Yeah I know, it never stops in this here fancy “The London”

As he did so a cab (going at a walking pace) nearly ran him down. It was trying to clear the junction before the lights changed and was being held up by the traffic.

Crossing the road geezer was not impressed- he jumped back out of the path of the slow moving cab and as it went by, punched his hand through the closed front passenger side window, spraying the driver with glass.

“IT WAS FUCKING GREEN! GREEN YOU CUNT! IT WAS GREEN!” he screamed referring to the little man that tells you all is well and you are safe to cross.

The Taxi driver swung his cab violently into the gutter and jumped out, and these two chaps proceeded to roar into each others faces from millimetres as per the guidelines laid out in DeBrets “London life and how to live it”

And no, they didn’t come to blows. The window puncher walked off fuming and the cab driver set about clearing the glass out of the front of his cab.

What the poor sap passenger sat in the back of said cab thought about this is anyones guess.

I thought I had a bad temper……………….

I was going to write something interesting for a first post this morning. Or at least attempt to.

As you can see I failed.

My first attempt was something about time and how you experience it defferently as you get older.

The second attempt was something far too revealing about sex, but it would have ended with a "what about you?" to get you to tell me your shameful secrets.

But I gave up, due to being a tad dull witted at the moment. I think I need some fresh air.

I also need that woman over there to stop bending over, she is sooooooooo distracting.

Anyway.

Hope you are all having a good morning.

And I apologise in advance, but I intend to be on here rather alot today.

So now would be a good time to pour that cup of coffee into the disk drive.