Area 136

Blue skies and fluffy clouds.

Spent the from about 10 o'clock till One down at the little pool. Sarah was in like a shot despite the water being what could best described as "refreshing"

A family turned up to use the pool after about an hour and a half with the most whiney 6 year old boy in the history of crying everytime one of his bigger brothers got him even slightly wet.

So after listening to him whine like a high speed jet fighter we came back here for lunch.

This afternoon we are of to a nice beach (Trewith strand) and then Tintagel to look at "King Arthurs castle" yeah OK, if you say so.

We are trying to make the most of the good weather because we are probably in for some rain.

But while it is lasting, it is luverleeeee!

Now excuse me, ships is about to serve dinner.

Yep, live and direct from our pine lined very nice lodge in Lanteglos holiday park (which IS in Cornwall despite the welshness of the name) It's MEEEEE!

Our accommodation is is great, the girl on the reception has a fantastic cleavage, the lappy is pumping out the sisters of mercy, Sarah has been round downstairs and up making sure all the nice little lamps are plugged in and working and has helped Ships put the provisions in the fridge.

A long trip starting at about six thirty this morning was broken with stops for 1 breakfast, 2 Sto Nenge, 3 Lunch 4 Launceston Castle - then here.

Photos will be blogged later by the wonders of free wifi, and now I am off with my cold beer to play a ball based type game of activity with Sarah outside.

After I show her the blue flowers I just discovered over the road.

Tomorrow Sarah, S&F and me are off to the wilds of Cornwall for a week. Oh yes, the land of pasties and ruff cider beckons. There will also be wind swept cliff tops! Yippee!

Ahem.

We start rather early tomorrow and on our way will be stopping off at Sto Nenge, so Sarah can have a gander at the big stones for the first time. Actually it will be the first time I will have been there instead of just driving past it and looking. Having said that we probably will not even be able to get into the car park but we will try.

And when we get there you will not be rid of us as I am taking the lappy because we have wifi in our “lodge” – Posh name for wooden hut that sleeps four – and even a dvd player, I know! They have wifi and electrickery to run DVD’s in Cornwall! Who would have thought it?

I will also of course have my mobile with me but will only be using that in the safety of my room. I don’t want to use it when out and about in case I get accused of witchcraft.

That I forgot to mention (due to being on planet "eh?" yesterday)

"Eating Soy could cause impotence"

So, I'd best stick with a hug at the next blog meet then eh.

That is where I am right now.

Right out the other side and into awake and mad territory.

Almost dropped off on the train here but never quite made it. Less that three hours sleep and I am now awake and wibbling.

Normally I would have tried to have a kip when I got here to rancho collapso but instead I manically mucked about with my Vox tonelab amp thingy making lots of big rocky thick guitar sounds and arsing around playing heavy rock blues solos at silly volumes. The cats were not happy.

So there you have it.

I iz nuts and in need of sleep but although I am operating on one third of my brain, I can't sleep.

BUGGER!

So out I went at lunchtime in search of death by coffee, and staggered down to the Café Nero in Brewer Street Soho. And I did stagger – I am hopeless when I am this tired. It is a very nice if sticky day out there and the walk was very pleasant.

So I get my mahoosive black coffee and sit in my favourite place in the open window in the sun, and watch the world go by. Some of the world was very beautiful, some rather strange.

For example the “person” who was directly opposite me across the street.

They had on their head a big floppy ladies straw hat with a chiffon scarf around it and two big artificial (grubby) white roses on the brim. This made the brim dip down at the front and hide most of the persons face. They also had a white cardigan, which had a large multicoloured Pokka dot pattern on it. Same with the skirt and the knee-high socks. The tatty trainers let the ensemble down a little. They were in the process of putting down their leopard print bag and attempting to remove something from another larger leopard print bag when I noticed them, and the object that they removed from said holdall was a leopard print collapsible camping chair, which they then proceeded to sit on and sell copies of the Big Issue. When seated, I could see that this person had one of those air filter mask things cyclists like to wear hanging round their neck and each of the cheeks of the face below the droopy hat sported a round ring of rouge, and the lips of said face were thickly coated in red lipstick.

And yes, as you may have already guessed, this was a 50-year-old man before me.

Just when you think you’re too tired to come up with something to blog, London gives you some material.

Also I would like to say thank you to the woman in the cream sleeveless dress who walked along in front of me down Brewer Street on my way back to the office. The dress fitted your fantastic bum so well it was a joy to walk behind you, and you were walking in perfect time to “the Immigrant Song” on my MP3, which was nice.

Now excuse me while I wait for the coffee rush to wear off…………..

Ships just asked if I wanted to pop over to the British Museum to have a gander at the Exhibition on the emperor Hadrian, as the Museum is just up the road from here.

Now interested as I am, after last nights lack of sleepybyes I have a horrid vision of me falling face first through a display case or tripping and falling down stairs – I get rather clumsy when I am tired.

And the British Museum always seems to be a degree or two hotter inside than the ambient temperature outside. This would not be good.

So I had to turn the offer down, but I will probably pop over and have a look at some point before they pack it up.

I like the past, interesting things happened there.

Is approximately the amount of sleep I had last night.

I say approximately as it was 03.00 the last time I looked at my watch before going to sleep. So it must have taken me a bit of time to actually do the falling asleep bit, then I got up at 05.45.

So it is probably less than that by a bit.

Still, here I am at work – in just before 08.00 like the dedicated worker I am.

Today will be “interesting”

This day.....

Just......

This work bit of it at least.........

JUST TAKE IT AWAY AND BEAT IT WITH BASEBALL BATS TILL IT TURNS TO JELLY! FUCKER THAT IT IS!

ahem.

I iz fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine now.

My MP3 headphones died last night on the way home, so on my way in this morning I had the “pleasure” of having to listen to my fellow commuters.

GOD! People are dull and ignorant! They say such stupid things, and just keep on saying them.

I can understand why individuals go on seemingly unprovoked killing sprees after a morning like that.

But the new headphones I have just got are surprisingly three times as loud as the old ones!

So now the even duller office work speak (which contains just as much ignorance and stupidity) will be drowned out, and I can sit here in a little world of my own, tap tap tapping away.

London is hot, sticky and a bit grey right now. For once I decided to go for a walk at lunchtime that did not terminate after mere minutes in a pub. I wandered through Soho and down to Piccadilly Circus, strolled through Leicester Square and through a bit of Chinatown, up Shaftsbury Avenue and then back to the office.

I love the city. I love the guitar shops, the queues of office workers outside takeaways, or the bunches of office girls sitting in the sun in the squares. I even don’t mind the tourists slowly walking about and getting in the way. Well not today I don’t. I just like to see what there is to see out there, the Police discussing matters of reality with street people of no fixed mental agenda who had – up to the start of the conversation – been providing some colourful “street theatre”, or the girls in the doorways of “gentlemans clubs” in Soho wearing tops that push everything up and out. The furtive look on the faces of people exiting the “toy shops” and “special interest” DVD stores. The very loud conversations between Chinese waitresses conducted over the heads of slightly worried looking diners.

I am so glad I work in London sometimes.

That Diva of the Dirty Laugh, the luverly Subville is having a birthday today.

And why not?

Hope you have a fantastic day and that laugh of yours gets used alot!

xxxx

In the metro today I saw a story that will horrify many of you animal loving types.

Somewhere in Peru, they have a festival celebrating the wonders of Guinea Pigs – they dress them up in cute little outfits with crowns and things and generally have a good time

The catering is interesting as well. Roasted and fried Guinea Pig is available in great profusion. Although one of the vendors decided that this year they would cut off the guins head and claws to make it less recognisable to foreign visitors and cause less upset. Like the stall next door wouldn’t give the game away.

I know some of you Guinea fanciers will be going “ooh how could they!” but let me ask you this – What if they were chickens? Chickens being dressed up at a festival where roast chicken was being served? Hmmm. don’t sound so bad now does it.
And you vegetarians can shut up right now! I am not talking to you.

Personally, I would try a bit of roast GP just to see what it tasted like.

Well the way this credit crunch malarkey is going we may all need to widen our potential diet base.

Warning! pent up outburst of utter rubbish imminent!

Not been able to get on here all day, and am slightly nuts.

Was it xmas on Sunday or summink?

After watching another good Gran Prix I watched ALL of Dr No. From the very begining to the very end - something that just never happens with Bond films on the telly. And after that I discovered that another channel was showing The Great Escape. I sat there trying to remember what I had unwrapped that morning and if I got everything I asked for. Damn confusing.

Friday night/Saturday morning held a very unexpected and slightly saddening phone call. The world is an odd place sometimes.

After spending A nice Friday evening with Sarah and S&F, Mrs F and I took Sarah to high beech, as mentioned before. Then on Saturday night, free of parental responsiblilties I got rather drunk and continued the liquid silliness on Sunday. Hmmmmm. Mature adult. Anyone know one?

Felt fine and dandy this morning though.

Wayne is leaving me!

Yep, fave barman in mollys is going to be away from work for about 10 weeks. No more flirting in da pub after next monday. Meh.

A topless tramp (male) was sitting outside our office earlier eating take away sushi, tramps in London got KLASS ya know.

And I have spent the whole day busy doing stuff and not knowing why the hell I am doing it. Pointlessness rules round here, but at least I looked busy.

Well, this has been a fine and dandy ramble of wossname so I will cease and disist now.

Some people in this wonderful and lovely world of ours like to go on about things being "Natural" and "Not Natural". Fine, OK.

Some of these people claim that homosexuality is not "Natural" because it does not happen in the animal kingdom. Hmmm.

Well research has shown what a load of old cobblers that is. Same sex couples have been recorded in the wild - two male penguins for example, a pair of male Eagles setting up nest together and even dolphins and wales have been seen having casual gay sex. Although they do get barred from most gay pubs in Soho as they take up too much room in the toilets. Bonobo Monkeys will fuck anything with a pulse regardless of gender or family relations provided it is another Bonobo monkey.

This week I was amazed to see something else that many people claim is not natural being done in the animal kingdom. That wonderful publication "The Fortean Times" had some photos in it of a seal apparently trying to kill a Penguin by laying on it. But no, Scientists observing this scenario on Marion Island of the coast of South Africa report that the Seal was trying to basically, fuck it.

The Scientists watched the adolescent male hump the poor penguin for 45 minutes (Male bloggers, and probably Row, murmur "the football would have started by then" into their pints and female bloggers stare off wistfully into the distance and sigh "Forty five minutes...Mmmmmmmmmmmm")

They think the Seal was a sexually frustrated immature male (NO SHIT SHERLOCKE!)and the Penguin seemed OK after its ordeal.

Mind you, I bet it needs a shit load of counseling.

So, basically the natural world has proved that Welsh males are not as weird as we thought.

I haz sofa.

I iz still hin baffrobe.

I haz da use of mahoosive tv.

I iz gun watch eff won honnit.

I iz gun hav ickle drinkie? mebbe.

I iz happeeee.

As some of you may have seen on Queen Mabes post, we took Sarah to the Forest today. Epping forest in general, High Beech in particular.

No, we were not doing the traditional Essex pass time of burying the body of a "Grass" or "Nonce" after smashing out all the corpses teeth and cutting off all the fingers, I am saving that one for her 16th Birthday. I do have some standards you know.

No we just went to the Victoria for lunch to start with, then off to the Epping forest visitors centre for a quick look before having a wander in the surprising burst of nice weather.

While Sarah and Mrs F were looking at various things, I wandered over to a display featuring a slice through a tree trunk. As most of the stuff in the place is geared towards younger visitors, the text next to this slice of old tree told me all about the fact that trees grow a ring of wood for every year of their life and so on, and that the slice of trunk in front of me had had its rings marked with the dates of local and world events. Oh nice, thought I

the inner rings were dated in the 1800's and much mention was made of kings and queens and wars and elections as you moved your eye outwards and read the little notes. But when I saw the last dated event on this slice of time, something struck me as odd. It was a little event from the late 90's and it pointed to almost the last ring of tree growth and said:

"Lady Diana killed"

Excerusumer me!

"KILLED"

Is this forest administered by conspiracy freaks! Is this some subtle way to slip into young minds the view that the "Peoples arms dealer shagging princess" did not actually make a mistake in her choice of driver, did not actually just die in an ACCIDENT?

this sort of silliness needs to be stopped.

But not in a heavy handed way.

I think we need to nuke the site from orbit, it's the only way to be sure.

After a late one last night and I believe right now I am the only person awake in the house.

Ships and Mrs F are Zedding away in the front room judging by the deep buzzing snores I can hear in the background, and Sarah is asleep in Moffs bed (Moff is back up in Edinburgh) lying there with her arms crossed above her head. Looks uncomfortable to me but she is asleep and looks happy and peaceful.

But maybe just one more ciggie and another glass of wine.

Yus.

I just do OK?

So what wonders do I have to tell you.

Bugger all.

Bollockyshitwank!

But I will just tell you this, as I fall back on the staple of bloggers who have nothing to say so pass on stuff they have read in the media.

ahem.

In this months Fortean Times

Under the heading -

"Crack team arse-about"

"A German pensioner is suing a hospital after she checked in for a leg operation and woke up to find she had been given a new Anus."

And you thought your doctors where bad eh Rampers?

As I am suddenly not being sat next to, and it is midday - I is blogging!

But I have nothing to say, this is purley habitual.

I need help.

I need a pint.

I should need some sleep but don't yet - which is amazing after another late night listening to CD's internetting and drinking wine.

Where did my life go wrong?

Oh yeah, that beach in Mauritius possibly.

I also find myself asking the eternal question "Why the fuck do people insist on bringing small children into the office?" Urrrgh!

In other news, we are taking Sarah for a week in Cornwall the week after next. It was the fist place we ever took her on holiday when she was less than a year old. So to her it will all be new.

Another scintillating post from the blogger who brought you
"My pen has run out"

"the trouble with zippo lighters"

and

"my milk has gone a bit thick"

I thangyaaaw!

Reading a paper on a train is a bit dull sometimes. This morning I could “read” a girl. She was five foot nothing, cute and rockabilly-ish, mop of died black hair, some little diamond stud piercing in her lip, a sleeveless checked shirt showing off her arms and open enough to show off her black lace.

Her left arm was completely covered in tattoos, and they looked really good. Various designs and characters interwoven all the way up. I could not see clearly enough to pick out any particular ones as she was about 10 feet away but they did look good.

She also had a tattoo on her chest, a winged cabinet of some sort (I imagine it was a cover up tat, maybe the original centre piece was a heart?) with the wings swept back along her “neckline” and the cabinet right in her cleavage. This must have been difficult area for the artist to work on as she was quite well blessed in that department; I was wondering how he managed to get the proportions right on those double curves.

I am thinking of a career change,

Well I did go to art college for a bit……….

This not reading or posting blogs from work lark is bloody hard! How do some of you manage!

I am not a shaking heap honest. I can handle my addiction.

Well maybe.

So to help me in the act of doing the catch up thing that I am now trying to do (see, this is me just starting *waves*) I stopped off and got myself three new CD's as it has been far too long since I purchased some new music and I am damn well not downloading any after Deccyboys tails of computers full of Trojan viruses hidden in downloaded songs.

So right now my ears are being given a good going over by the Stone Gods (basically The Darkness without Justin Hawkins) and I must say they are rather good and heavy! Yay for good purchase number one.

I also got "Stop us if you've heard this one before" by The Wildhearts ,which is a covers album.

And I got a third album for myself. By a band. Erm, that's all I'm saying. I can't believe I actually purchased an album by this band BUT I really like the single and the big guitar instrumental track I heard. And they did do one of my favourite soppy songs of all time. Not that I like that sort of thing coz I am a hard rocking animal and I will suck the eyes out of the face of anyone that says I am not. Grrrr!

and such.

Anyway. I also got some wine, so now to do the catching up thing.

Pisces stars were good for a laugh in the Metro this morning. Apparently all us fishes are being very charming and irresistible today. Hmmph! Fat lot of good that is doing me being stuck here in an office.

The woman sat opposite me could not talk any louder if she had a megaphone strapped to her ever-open gob.

And not being able to blog or get time to read them is giving me the hump.

Bah.

I see a long session on the laptop and a bottle of wine ahead of me tonight.

Cocktails IN a jacuzzi

and some damn good food (cooked the the cook of the ship in fact)

And a damn good relax.

If a picture paints a thousand words,

And someone painted a picture of a book,

Would my head explode?

Falling into the category of “bloggers I have met and would love to meet again”, it is the wonderful Sixpences birthday today.

Have a wonderful day, long may you continue to transfix spy satellites.

OK, they are vastly over engineered.

They cost way too much, probably.

But I am liking these new office chairs.

They have a five-page handbook on how to use and adjust them. Then loads more pages in foreign.

You want to know how much you can adjust them.

You can alter the width and height of the armrests and move them in and out so that they can hold you into your seat. This is obviously in case the office encounters some severe turbulence.

You can adjust the amount of tilt in the chair, deciding exactly how far back it can go.

You can also adjust how stiff the resistance in this tilt is, ranging from you sitting down and nearly falling straight off the back of it or getting catapulted across the desk and out the window.

You can move the “Lumbar support bar” up and down the back of the chair so it does its work wherever you feel it necessary AND adjust the amount of support it provides.

And the most odd bit, you can change the angle of the front edge of the seat so it does not dig into your legs – you just click a button and bend the edge of the seat to how you want it, release the button and it stays put.

Makes a nice change from the slightly stained and variously coloured mismatched chairs that used to be prevalent in this building.

Good to know the “profits” are being spent on worthwhile things though.

I’d prefer it if they sorted out the god awful toilets here first.

I smoke as you know, and when I am strolling along and I need to dispose of my cigarette one of the things I do is try to drop it down a drain grating in the gutter while I am still moving.

If it goes in, in my head I hear Han Solo saying “Great shot kid!”

If it bounces off, I hear Luke Skywalker saying “It didn’t go in – it impacted on the surface!”

I hate myself sometimes.

Scottish smoked Salmon.

Butter.

Lemon juice.

Bread.

Yummm!

I should soon have buns of steel given the four flights of stairs between here and the outside smoke enabled world. So smoking does do you some good.

But my legs feel like they have been beaten with little baseball bats due to the miles that we walked yesterday round the zoo and through Camden along the canals and such.

I used to walk for miles at a time in my 20's with no ill effect at all. Must have worn out my joints early on.

Bugger!

So remember kids, if you want your legs to last into your mid forties, be lazy!

I notice a singular absence of piccies or Rowtheboats arse on this here blog.

You knew what your mission was.

And you failed.

You CANNOT tell me she didn't get drunk enough to let her gaurd down even once.

Shame on you.

Shame on all of you.

I am not sure that I like it really.

Good points.

I have a wall behind me! - So no worrying about people looking over my shoulder.

I can see the outside world! Even if it is only the upper floors of the offices across the car park.

I can sneak in and out through a side door and not the poncey new “Coffee bar/break out area/reception bit. This way no one will be arching their eyebrows at the amount of cigarette breaks I take.

I don’t have to use the rubbish lifts and hang around for ages just to get back up to my floor and get annoyed by lazy bastards only going one floor up due to their extremely heavy cup of coffee.

Bad points.

I have no bin under my desk – in fact no one has a bin. You have to take your rubbish to one of the central banks of recycling bins and such.

All the attractive women from our floor appear to be somewhere else!

The desk I am using was a hot desk. This means it is rather narrow so my line manager (who thankfully is not in today) is sitting very close to me. But I have cunningly moved his pedestal so he has to sit a bit further away and will put mine next to his. But this will create another problem - see below.

The bloke sitting in the hot desk next to me looks worryingly like Simon Cowell and therefore I don’t like him. Moving my pedestal next to my line managers will put me nearer to him. Meh.

Due to this lack of space, my line manager can easily see what is on my screen. This is not good.

In general, this place is very unwelcoming. It is all form over function – for example, they have just made one of the other people I came down with change their desk pedestal because our ones are natural wood finish an the ones on this floor are a bland grey colour. Hmmmm, we must fit in and not stand out. I may get away with this as no one can see my offensive wooden effect draw unit so I may not be offending corporate style sensibilities.

No, I will let the way I dress do that.

But I feel like we have had a hard weekend of naughtiness.

We have had Sarah here since Friday night and it has been great.

Yesterday we took her and Moff ice skating then had lunch in Nandos.

We were up very early and I have been tired all week, didn't even get to bed early and have been up at 08.00 or 09.00 each day. I is drooping I is.

Today we are off to London Zoo with a general mooch about London thrown in.

being daddy is rather more tiring than you might expect.

And more fun.

Hope you are all having a good weekend.

I was thinking of staring a group blog wossname.

It would be for anyone who is in a band, has been in a band or wants to be in a band. Anyone that plays music in a rock type idiom styleeeeee type whatsit. It would be for anyone regardless of whether they got a record contract or just played endless gigs in shite pubs in the suburbs.

It would be a place to swap stories of the worst every gig, band member, live fuck up, embarrassing back stage moment, stupid rehearsal comment, any of that stuff.

It would be a place to talk about what you reeeely want to buy next and exactly why you don't really need it. You could swap opinions on bit of new, classic or missing kit. You could admit to that pedal hoarding habit in an understanding and supportive environment.

It would also be a place to talk about what you are playing now or what you had just recorded and you could put links up to your site so we can all bask in your reflected musical brilliance.

Even drummers would be welcome.

Ahem.

Mind you, I have had a bit of wine so I will not remember any of this tomorrow. So someone else could do it instead.

But without looking at the blog groups list, I will probably find that someone has already done it.

I even have a name for it.

I think I would call it:

"SHUT UP AND GET IN THE VAN!"

Hey, who am I kidding.

I am far too lazy for that.

I know this has been blogged before, but as it was quite a while ago and I have just rediscovered it on youtoooob I thought I'd put it up again. Oooo er.

From the golden age of childrens television obviously.

I am sooooooooo tired.

Sarah is sitting on the sofa with Moff, and Moff is trying to get Sarah set up in some on line game world especially for 8 to 15 year olds. It is not a sit down and play type thing, oh no. They (or rather Moff) has been reading chapter after chapter of stuff about abilities and attributes and race types that Sarah could be and frankly everyone in the house has gone nuts.

Sarah has distracted herself by drawing a picture of her character as Moff has described it because after over an hour of bollocks and arsing around they are no nearer actually playing.

Sarahs character will, at some point GOD WILLING have a talking horse and a talking Dog and be an adventurer and yadda yadda yadda.

But I am afraid big bad daddy is going to have to put an end to this soon and put Sarah to bed, (non)game or no (non)game.

Then I think I will lapse into a death like coma.

Tomorrow we have to take them Ice Skating. I will of course be watching as sitting on my arse on sheet ice while people laugh and point is not my idea of fun.

Is messing with the people who leave early.

What you do is when they go, get some spare labels and fill them in in their name.

Then you stick them to random shit and see if the office movers take them.

I have just stuck one on a truley naff inspirational picture of a tiger that hangs near my desk. It says "CHANGE - There are only two types of companies: The Quick, and the Dead"

Major suckage.

I just hope the guy I have "given" it to likes it.

hehehehehehe

Well My line manager got his I-Phone. I had to laugh at him because not only does he already have an I-touch music thingey (so basically he has just got the same bloody thing with a phone in it) it took him an hour to get it!

Yes he did reserve it and skip the que, but it was when he sat down and they did a credit check that it all went wrong.

Because ALL the phone shops in the area are doing the same thing. And so the system kept timing out due to being overloaded. So it took him no time at all to get the phone thingey but an hour to pay for it!

In mollys last night having a small drinkette with Glasgow Steve (who is fine, by the way)

And it was my turn at the bar. So I go up to said portal of liquid exchange and place my order. Standing at the end of the bar was one of the owners of mollys who I will call “Stoneface”

Stoneface is in his early fifties, gay, stick thin with a shaved head and very angular features. His eyes are very dark and look very cruel. He basically looks like a hard bastard. I have seen him look at people who don’t behave properly or are annoying other customers and say quietly “fuck off out of my pub now. Before I put you on your back” and trust me, they do. No arguments.

He was (very surprisingly) singing along to a song on the pub CD player, but with the same cold dead expression on his face that he always has. The lyrics were along the lines of “I have always loved you” but he was singing “I have always loved me” totally deadpan.

I glanced at him and equally deadpan said:

“Really, can’t say I noticed that”

“No?” he said giving me the look

“And I thought you were an observant young fella”

“Well I am blind in one eye” I said with a faint smile.

“Really? Which one”

I pointed casually to my groin and said

“That one.”

And ya know what, as much as the Stonefaced bastard tried, he couldn’t hide the smile he was biting back on.

An hour of work - no blogging or arsing around on gmail (which should be easy as all the people I normally talk to are busy or going places.

Then some blogging.

Then some ripping up or shredding of paper.

Then some stuffing crap into my desk pedestal.

Then saying "Right I'm packed ready for the move"

Then loafing and surfing. If of course I remember not to pack my mouse till the last minute, you can't trust the movers with your mouse - they have a nasty habit of breaking them.

See ya later.

At 07.35 this morning I saw a strange site. Lines of people queuing up outside phone shops. What the hell for? The new I-Phone.

Oh for Christ’s sake!

You stand in a line for an hour or so for the possibility of getting something that will be all over the place in a few months time, and for why?

“Look what I have and you don’t! How cool am I!?”

Hmmmmmmmm.

I have never been an “Early adopter” of any techy gadget thing really. I would rather wait till prices come down, bugs are ironed out and the special offers start. Wait to see how good something really is and if anyone else will bring out something the same but a bit better. Or something.

Ho well, as long as they are happy.

My line manger has just left the office to go and (try) to pick his one up from one of the three shops he reserved one at.

Eeejit.

Yes, those big plastic things you use when you move office, the ones you (sorry soy but I have to use this word) pack all your crap into when you move location or floor or building.

I like 'em.

Why?

Because they mean a day where you do a bit of work, then sit "sorting" through all the rubbish on your desk - which then gets shredded regardless of how important it is/was so it can be "lost in the move"

Then you start putting all your crap into them, and jumping up and down on them to get them to shut, then stick labels on things (and stick labels with other peoples names and new desk numbers onto random stupid things around the office and see if they get delivered to the suckers desk on Monday)

And more importantly, leave early.

Now I know some of you have tomorrow off anyway so there is no need to come on here and gloat about it. But I will be doing the packing up of desk type stuff and so I will be "off work" as it were.

All I am saying is that office moves are generally a pain in the arse but you have to find the positive bit in them somehow.

Like working less.

I have spent an entire morning doing a task of much boredom here in Weird Inc. So I am now boredityborbor borey borey bored.

And my arse has gone numb.

But I have had two fish sammiches!

These two facts are not connected.

And I have had enough.

There is sun out there and it is near enough to lunch time to make no difference, so I am going out to lick the windows of all the guitar shops in Denmark street.

wibble.

A couple of days ago on the tube, I sat opposite a woman who looked exactly like a film star.

I was stunned. It was all I could do not to stare, but I did my best.

Unfortunately, she looked EXACTLY like this film star.

Yes, she was the spitting image of Chico Marx, I could hardly believe it.

I am so tired.

Reeeeeeeely fucked.

So. I am going to get Sarah to bed as soon as I can, watch a programme I tapped the other day while she goes to sleep, then go to bed myself.

And I AM NOT mucking about on the hinternet all bloody night.

Again.

Goodnight.

The thing is, that after being away for two weeks I have come back to a load of little things I have been asked to deal with/look into/sort out. If I had been here it would have been easy, but as I have come back to a reasonable sized pile of them all waiting for me I have actually been almost busy.

I KNOW! shock horror.

But now I find myself ready to blog. Well I have a number of things to do, one is check the blogs for today. May get that done.

Another is to write an email - as requested - to an ex-blogger and fill them in with developments in my wonderful life (ahem)

And yet another is to do my proper entry into the summer writing thing, if it is not too late. But this may require rather more thought and effort than the first two so may not get done today.

Could it actually get any wetter today. I mean Rain smut heads, RAIN.

I hope it will ease off a bit, I have to go pick Sarah up from her juniour school disco tonight. At the ungodly hour of Seven thirty! Christ - 8 year olds out painting the sports hall red till all hours, what is the world comming to?

Not angry, much.

A cyclist got a fine of £2,200 pounds and a conviction for dangerous cycling yesterday. Bit steep you may think.

I don’t. I don’t think it was enough at all.

Considering that he, while riding on the footpath – I will just say that again, THE FOOTPATH – and was approaching a group of teenagers who had just come out of a shop. The considerate fellow is alleged to have shouted

“Get out of my way! I’m not slowing down!”

And then hit and knocked over a 17-year-old girl.

Who hit her head.

And was knocked out.

And never woke up again.

And he gets a fine, and a conviction for “Dangerous Cycling”.

I think he should have gone to prison for manslaughter at least.

At the very least.

Bastard!

I arrived at work this morning in the blistering sogginess of a typical English summer, and paused outside the office to finish my cigarette. As I did, my MP3 selected Yngwie Malmsteens version of “Keep yourself Alive” by Queen for me to listen to. As the manically heavy Strat cranked out and the ridiculously over the top guitar intro finished – the drums kicked in, and I looked over the to the other side of the road.

A rather hot looking woman in tight blue jeans was walking along in perfect time to the beat. And boy did she look good.

So smiling happily after watching her sashay past I entered our office, to discover that both bloody lifts are out of action. Again.

After a brief swear at the door man along the lines of “put a sign up you wanker” I walked the 60 or so yards to the other end of the building to gain entry and use some lifts that work. So that smile didn’t last long.

At least the lifts will not be a problem from Monday as we will be on the first floor, again. Hurray for minor office moves.

Hope your day started/starts well. With a wiggle if possible.

Out in the garden, smoking. I look up and see her glowing behind a wall of solid cloud. No break in it for miles but her light lit it up unmistakably.

Then right in front of her, a hole was blown by the wind and I saw all of her. Gold, pure gold. And beautiful.

Because it would not have taken over THREE HOURS to transfer a file (admitedly a large one) from my pc to a memory stick.

AND we had to stop it because my line manager, whose memory stick it was, wanted to go home today.

Mind you I couldn't work for those three hours as the pc couldn't cope with anything else.

so we didn't get the file transferred. High tech office - I IZ WORKIN INNIT - NOT

Sexy.

Not the normal curvy type I go for – angular like an undernourished super model.

Cheap too, and a bit damaged, just a little. You would hardly notice. Sexy, cheap and damaged – right up my street.

But the practicalities are ridiculous, we would look stupid together, she belongs with a much younger man. Someone who will take her and hold her tight and pound her to heaven.

Mind you, At £245 for a Japanese built Tokai Explorer copy in sexy black, white and gold, I am just Sooooooooo tempted.

Oh God help me.

Or is that "Full of bullshit"

Hmmm, probably bullshit and redbull actually. For I feel alive this morning.

Well ok, my heart is still beating and I am breathing. So at least I exist.

Alive was used in it's most technical form, not as a statement of being full of joy and energy.

My eyes actually feel like little rocky pools drying out in the sun. Nice, trust me.

And I will now leave you to attempt the task my line manager has just given me.

Which will be interesting.

I think a large cup of black hole coffee is needed first.

In car terms I mean.

Just heard "Blinded by the light" on planet rock, the Manfred Mann version and the line where So and so "came by in his curly wurly, and asked me if I needed a ride"

In a WHAT though?

I take all this lyric stuff too seriously.

Well someone has to!

Like you can in Santorini, bruges and some other rare places in the world is that you do.

On your sunbed, in the bar, in the restaurant looking at the menu, with the coffee and brandy afterwards. After the MEAL I meant you smutty gits.

So you smoke more and it does not help that they are so cheap.

So maybe this not smoking anywhere but in the rain or the privacy of your own mind is a good thing.

WHAT! I think I must be coming down with a brain flu type thing.

On Friday we are moving down to the first floor of weird inc, from our rooftop fortress of knackered plumbing.

We found out today.

Yes, from Monday I will be on the same gleaming white, clear desk policy obsessed floor as shipscook.

He will be able to find me by following the sound of other people tutting and my frantic swearing and loud sarcasm.

I will fit in just so well down there..........

ahem.

Back at work, not with a bang but a whimper. But there may be a bang soon - it will be the sound of my head on the desk because this sodding big monthly update thing (that apparently only I can do now, even if I happen to be away on leave at month end) is refusing to see the bloody huge file I have un-zipped and put in a folder THREE FUCKING TIMES!

I must remember that I only come here to earn enough money to provide for my daughter and afford the next holiday.

Grrr and such.

Now time for an angry cigarette break. Yes, I got 1200 angry cigarettes in Santorini, obviously.

To drag my sorry arse off of this sofa and go and put away the mound of clean t-shirts laying on my bed, so I could actually possible go to bed sometime soon. And also I should actually take my empty suitcase upstairs and get it out of the way so the cats stop sleeping on it. Then I need to pack this laptop away so I can blog from home without swearing, then try to remember to find my mobile phone charger so that I can take that with me to enable me to possibly be able to talk to people.

But, ya know - I have a glass of wine, and I am sort of half watching the Italian Job on the tv, and I think Cleo wants to sit on my lap in place of this laptop.

So maybe not.

Well not just yet.

Since parking my arse on the sofa to watch the gran prix, I have hardly moved except to have a quick whiz and a ciggie.

I watched the James Bond film straight after the race, then watched three episodes of heroes, then top gear.

During the race we had a fantastic yellow split pea and pancetta soup with wine and herbs with a home made spicy cheese dip side dish.

And now we are about to have pasta with a cream and smoked duck sauce.

God I have been busy.

And drinking.

Ahhh Sundays.

Don'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewis
Don'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewis
Don'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewis
Don'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewis
Don'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewis
Don'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewis
Don'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewis
Don'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewisDon'tfuckitupLewis

Just back from the farmers market near Rancho Collapso where Ships, Mrs F and I breakfasted on ostrich burgers from one of the stalls. Oh yummers, nommage of the highest order.

So with mine consumed I left them foraging the likes of smoked duck, smoked eel and god knows what sort of lovely smelly farm made cheeses and came back here to watch the Grand Prix.

How far into the race will it be before Lewis does something silly?

Oh well, Ships has threatened to make some sangria to help fortify us against the humidity, so that should help the race slip by in fine fashion.

And it is a bit odd that after two weeks in a place that does not do clouds, how nice rain feels on your skin.

Happy Sunday everyone.

Is the name of a programme I am watching on Virgin 1 right now.

I have to say, I am loving it's work.............

Which Shipscook has gone out to buy.

And still not dressed yet.

well there ya go.

Yep, that telly there - the big old Sony Trinitron - on which I have watched many a silly SF movie and hysterically crap horror film, music dvds and episodes of loads of stuff, here at Rancho Collapso and at S&F's previous home, is finally getting too old and crotchety to live with.

It is in fact older than the Moff I believe, and she is nearly 21. Shipscook has had it repaired once in its lifetime but that was back in the days when you could find independent shops that actually undertook repair work on domestic items.

So I think all in all Ships has had his moneys worth out of the big square Sony.

The poor old thing only has to limp and wheeze its' way to next Saturday and a new flat screen type lcd HD ready wossname will be in it's place.

But Ships wears glasses to see everything, so how HD ready is he?

In other news, is it worth getting dressed at all today? I still have not bothered. It seems like that sort of day.

in other other news - Lewis Hamilton, you twat.

The entrance to our abode.

And our sun terrace Jacuzzi, the scene of much drunk and silly behavior in the late afternoons.

(Click for full picture)

Had to go to bed at about 23.00 last night, as my body was telling me it was 01.00 in the morning what with having spent two weeks living two hours ahead of here.

This morning was odd. Woke up thinking I had overslept but it was just gone 06.00. Good job I didn't send the text message I was going to as it would have woken someone up. I was convinced it was about 09.00.

This morning has really seemed to drag. It feels like lunch/siesta time to me now but I am wide awake.

I think tonight I may have to have an ooozle and lemonade to help the adjustment process while I bombard you all with various photos till you cry "ENOUGH"

But what is the point of having all this media space if your not going to use it.

Hope your day in going well.

We am on ur sunterrrrasssss

'AVIN A LAAAAAARRRF!

An bytin hour BUMS AT YAS!

Tomorrow morning.

Meh.

Going to eat now, and have maybe a few drinks.

And if your interested, the hangover kicked in at about four o'clock this afternoon as the booze finally left my system from last night. I took to my bed and had filthy filthy dreams. Captain bed-tent city. Luckily Mrs F and Ships were out having a walk around the resort.

There is a cat called Noodle who lives at our apartments, and she has major cutes. Pictures I has, ready for lolcating.

I don't know what else to say. The guys in the bar we were in last night were asking about me this morning when Mrs F went for the lunch things, they seemed amazed to hear I was up at 07.30 and ready for brekkie. Was I that pissed last night? Oh yeah....

It has been great here.

I am going to miss it.

And row, Mrs F reckons I am browner...................

But it's far too hot to be Wednesday................

OK, so it was the penultimate night of the holiday.

But reeeeeeeeeeely.

Did I have to drink ALL that booze?

Was it really 03.30 when we went back to the appartments?

Do I reeeeeeely need to still be this wankered?

Eeep.

It's lazy I know, but when reading on holiday I prefer to have a big book of short stories in one genre or another. That way I can easily dip in and out of it, between dipping in and out of the pool.

I find that "The Mammoth book of.." series to be great for this: I normally go geek and have "classic scifi short stories" or "modern scifi classics" and such, but reading down the front page list there are many others that would tickle my fancy.

For example, "The Mammoth book of":

Comic fantasy. - could be good

Best new erotica 4 - 4! I need to do some catching up.

Haunted house stories - maybe.

Lesbian erotica - Ooooh yes please. Mind you I did find a book of very similar stuff in a bloggers flat once and read some of it. Schwiiiiing, to put it mildly.

Chess - nope. Only if I find myself suffering from insomnia on a grand scale.

Shipwrecks and sea disasters - well not if I'm going on a cruise.

What one am I reading now?

I know this will surprise you -

"The Mammoth book of Pirates"

"Over 25 True Tales of Devilry and Daring by the Most Infamous Pirates of All Time"

Very informative. And there is something I have learned that I think a few of you on here need to know.

Captain Morgan - who was a massively nasty and cruel piece of work, but still got a pardon and a knighthood and a bottle of rum named after him - died at the age of 45 from "sitting up late and drinking"

So be warned.