Al Murray, the pub landlord on his show tonight. Does the regular bit about Queen being the greatest rock band in the world but not coming on his show "listing some excuses that would make Duran Duran look bad" (that's not the quote) and then cut to the pub toilets to see who this weeks band are.....

The shot changes and there is a well known mop of hair and some other fellas...

"FUCK ME IT'S QUEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!! ................with Paul Rodgers"

Ahem.

They are not that easily impressed.

In Mollys (the pub I visit on very rare occasions at lunchtime) the owner has two little white West Highland terriers. They often go out for a walk with the owner around lunch time, no leads on – they just trot around behind him through the bustling streets of Soho happily wagging their tails.

Today, one of the barman – the one that was not up a step ladder sticking show posters to the ceiling, don’t ask – went to get rid of some rubbish and tried to get the dogs to go out with him. I was stood outside having a ciggie at the time, and they came out behind him and surveyed the world beyond the nice cool stone floor of the pub. They saw hundreds of people, and all the potential fussing opportunities, they sniffed the air full of the smells of lunchtime food emporiums going full pelt, they saw the sun, they saw all those lamp posts that needed watering…..

And what did they do?

They did a wonderful doggy version of “Meh”

And went back into the pub.

It must be terrible to be so jaded and have four legs.

An hurty arm.

An trapped nerve in my neck.

An hangoverette.

An dustbowl where my mouth used to be.

An big grin on my face.

and problems with my grammar, apparently.

Stop hurting.

If you stop hurting now, I will take you to the pub at lunchtime.

Yes, I know that is why you hurt today but I am doing my best here ya know!

Just stop it.

Thank you.

My stars in the metro today.

“You’re doing well and you know it. A riotously good end to the week, with that Pisces moon still encouraging confidence and charisma. Tackle tough tasks head-on because you have what it takes to win.”

Hmmmm, if I am not naked under a pile of cocaine covered lovelies by the end of the day, I will be complaining. And me, with confidence…well bollocks really.

And this tackling tough tasks malarkey. Got no idea about that one at all.