Into shoe shop, see boots I want, check the price £30 CHEAPER than in central London, Give one boot to the girl in shop and say

"Could I have a pair of these in size 9 please"

She brings them back you take the box to the till and pay!

Mrs F said, "Erm, don't you want to try them on?"

"No! They are exactly the same boots as I am wearing now, in the same size that I am wearing now. This is how blokes shop for shoes. I am a bloke in a shoe shop and all I want to do is run screaming out of the front door"

The two girls at the counter laughed and handed over my new boots, and I left with all due haste

Job done.

Is stalking me.

Slowly, I will admit. Or has it taken me so long to notice....

I have a Wah pedal (its the effect at the start of voodoo child by Jimi Hendrix for those of you who have no clue of the finer things in life) called -

Bad Horsie.

I also have a distortion pedal called....

Bad Monkey.

These are not names I have given them (like I would call anything a "Bad Monkey" with my problems with the howling and the monkeys and the glavin"

These are names that the people that make these pedals gave to them.

Mind you,

I bought them.

So maybe I was trying to tell myself something.

Or not.

(and I got them both ages ago and yes it has only just fallen into place and no I did not spend my boot money on them despite being tempted to run screaming into a guitar shop and buy some stuff after trying to find some boots for half an hour in london and I know that does not sound like a lot of time to you ladies for the shoes and the hunting there of but its a fucking ice age for a bloke and I am having the post traumatic shopping disorder and so there and such and arg. a bit. a lot. Flashback city.)

Any way.

I like guitar pedals more than shoes.

So sue me.