I may well have to go to bed soon as I have to be up in about SIX FUCKING HOURS!

eeep!

And guess what I have not done yet?

Come on some of you can guess.

NO not THAT! dirty bastids.

Yep that's right - put everything I need in a single place so I know where it is, otherwise known as PACK.

Not that there is a lot to take so its just gonna be bung things in a backpack and stagger bleary eyed to the car, and then to the airport.

So I am soon off to Edinwossname, have a great weekend all of you and REMEMBER WHAT I SAID.

bye.

(Oh I may try to do a quick post from up there, but who knows and more importantly, who cares.)

It was like a smack in the chest. I couldn't remember how to breath.

Just the sight of her.

Laying there, the curves

Touch her, hold her.

My brain is screaming "Stop this! right now"

My heart is dying and alive at the same time.

I know we will never be together.

She is beyond me.

But I want her so much.

Still she looks fucking amazing for her age!

ho well. Note to self - stop going to the Vintage and Rare Guitars site.

It only causes you pain.

Last night I awoke from my sleep in the spare room at S&F's house to see the upstairs light on and the doorway being all illuminated an glowy.

This, said my foggy brain, means that those hard working folks Mrs F and Shipscook are back from their jobs that end an hour after mine and take longer to commute home from due to traffic.

I could hear Mr S hacking away at some veg in the kitchen and Mrs F sploshing around in the bath.

So time to get up then.

As I sat up, something lowered itself down in front of my face and was silhouetted against the bright rectangle of the doorway. A black shape that struck fear and instant panic into my heart. A shape that looked exactly like a childs drawing of a spider, all very long legs and ickle body. Because thats how Harvestman spiders look - like they were drawn by a child.

Yes I did exclaim "Oh FUCK!" loud enough for them both to hear.

Yes I did leave the bed, stark bollock naked, at a rate of knots that would have put a Jaguar to shame

And yes I did spend five minutes with the light on scanning the bed trying to see where the fucker had gone.

I am a big girl I know.

And then ANOTHER ONE did exactly the same thing!

Christ if I had been wearing pants I would have soiled them.

Arachnophobia is just SO MUCH FUN!

But you have to admit, it was very helloween.

When ever I have been up to Edinburgh over the past year, one thing always seems to happen.

I get back and during my general awayness someone will have burnt their blog and be gone off my friends list when I get home.

And as I am not here I don't ever get an explanation of exactly what happened.

SO.

This time, can we please just refrain from all that shit?

I am not paranoid or egotistical enough to think that my going away is the cause of this, or that me saying stop will have any preventative effect on anyones decision - tis a free blog after all. Unless your paying for it. erm. anyway.

It would be nice if you were all here when I get back.

Now they do have the internet up there, but not in all the pubs bars curry houses Museums and places of learning we frequent on these trips, but Mrs F normally manages a few drunken freewheeling posts from some late night eating place so maybe I can as well.

So just no one go nuts and burn everything to the ground at least not while I am away and unable to enjoy it because I really care about you all.

STOP laughing at the back.

My phone rang!

The one on my desk I mean!

I cowered under said desk till the noise stopped and it went to voice mail.

Cautiously I crept from my makeshift bunker and with trembling hands place my "Captain Scarlet" style head set on my nervous head.

On retreaving the voice mail I was not supprised to find someone from another office asking me a bloody stupid question about whether or not an account was cancelled.

What you mean the fact that the report I sent you did not list it on the sheet (the only fecking sheet in fact) headed "Live accounts as of this date" the sheet that also goes on to say, in BIG RED LETTERS no less "any account not appearing on this list should be closed down" - that list?

What the fuck do you think matey!

After all that hard graft I am going to have to have a coffee and a ciggie.

and maybe a pony.

Yeah great.

1st of the month and all the money for bills and mortguage is whisked out of my account.

Then I have to pay for the delight of transporting myself via the rails of joy to the centre of London for a month.

Then I look at whats left and just know there is about £80 that will be eaten by suprise bills.

Then sit and look at what is left and think that once again I will be lucky to get to the end of the month with anything except holes in my pockets.

Ho hum.