I will mostly be attempting to watch old Top Gear clips on youtube.

But the system here is very slow due to thousands of other workers in the company using the internet during there lunch breaks.

ho hum.

What an exciting day.

A brown paper bag.

Over my head.

Possibly with eye holes but I have not decided.

Why, because the skin above my eyebrows and on either side of my nose looks like it has been donated by a leper and grafted on to me using superglue mixed with builders sand.

It is red, and it feels raw and it is flaky.

Thank you so fucking much.

I was going to put aside the Marshall baseball cap and move on to the woolly beanie type winter thing I favour in these cold months, but as I feel the need to hide as much as possible the baseball cap stays in service. I can hide the red section of my face behind the peak as I walk with my head down. Probably makes me look very suspicious on CCTV – “Appearing on Crimewatch soon, Old Nick!”

Anyway, the best and most happy news is that although it may look a little less livid in natural light, under harsh, bright UV lights – the sort you get in crowded offices, the EXACT sort of lights I am going to be spending most of my fucking day under, it looks fucking awful.

(Yes, I know there are people in the world with real problems and real health issues, but they can get their own fucking blog and bleat in it there! My blog – my pathetic whinge!)

Now I will be over there in the corner hiding behind a monitor all day.

Hmmmph.