Sometimes my timing is perfect – I walk out of the office just as a stunningly beautiful woman walks past, I arrive in the bar just as a round of drinks is being got or I finish doing “something” just in time to catch a brilliant film or programme on TV. Ahem.

Sometimes it’s not as good.

Take just now, I popped outside to go into the shop a few doors down and walked in through its propped open door to see the very pretty oriental girl is working there at the moment. Good timing? Well it would have been, had not me walking in through said open door coincided perfectly with a sewage truck just starting its pump up outside the building next door as it began to suck up the vile and putrid liquid that is gathering in the newly dug foundations. This caused said truck to emit a cloud of the most disgusting fumes that smelled for all the world like the floor of a cowshed during week two of a major strike by the farm hands over mucking out duty.

And this lovely smell wafted in with me as I entered the shop.

I got a certain look from the young woman. Of course I could not go “That’s not me” because that clearly would have meant it was. So I just smiled, paid for my milk and left. Turning a nice shade of red as I did so.

1 The woman in charge could not organise a piss up in a brewery - 20 people attended, first room sat 10. We traipsed down two floors to a room that could hold us all but was next to a bit of the office where they do quite a lot of noisey banging around of stuff and shouting.

2 I will not be retiring to anywhere even slightly hot.

3 The woman doing the talking had very sexy hips and thighs. And very nice long brown hair.

4 I am very tired.

5 If we would all stop living so long we would not be putting such a strain on the pensions plan. I was going to point out that as I am doing my best to smoke and drink myself into an early grave I should get double the pension of everyone else but thought it best to keep it to myself. My selfless dedication to the company will have to go unrecognised for another year.

6 Buses are very crowded at 09.00.

7 I am crap at understanding financial matters.

I am orft to another jolly meeting this morning, the first of two this week.

This one is about the results of "the consultation process regarding changes to the pension scheme"

How many more ways can this company think of to say

"BEND OVER AND GET READY TO BE FUCKED!"

I will probably not be able to afford to stop working until I have been dead for a number of years.

The second meeting is on Wednesday when they announce the new staffing template and we see how many less jobs there are going to be than people, and find out if we have to apply for them. Again. Our own jobs. Hmmmm.

Apart from that, everything in the garden is rosey.

ahem.