Not that you give a Mandrills Mango, but writing this is better than working.

Tonight, I dunno- some cooking, some drinking, some guitar playing, some saying “Sarah, bed! Now! – no, there is no monster spider under your bed, I have put it in mummies knickers drawer” and so on. But not too late an evening.

Because tomorrow Sarah and I have to be up and ready to go to a Zoo thing somewhere with Mrs F and Shipscook. Jo is going out for lunch with a friend so I thought taking Sarah out would be better for her (as being stuck indoors with daddy could get a bit dull) and it would give Jo some time without having to worry and look after Sarah so she can get ready to go out at her own pace.

After a day of pooking the animals and loosing fingers, we will return home briefly to deposit tired and over excited child with Jo and scoot off back to casa S&F’s for the normal Saturday night food and drink stuff.

Then, at some point dictated by liver damage and stuff I will return home, and start to think about possibly maybe doing some packing for our week away.

So Next Monday to the Monday after I will be at a secret location on the south coast of England (meaning I can’t actually remember the name of the place) getting a damn good soaking from the rain, and using Sarah and Jo as a wind break.

If I can find some magic portal I will try to contact this happy place, but who knows.

So I will not be around much next week and please keep the cheering down to a bare minimum. I do have feelings you know. Bastards.

My ability to stay awake at work will be challenged greatly from now on.

Why? I don't here you ask.

Well that fucking awful game thing that has a season has started or will start soon - like I know exactly when! and already the chaps in the office are putting together their fantasy football teams and discussing the ins and outs of this alleged "Beautiful game"

Bollocks.

My idea is a fantasy league where you have teams of your favourite porn actresses and they have to "perform" against each other. Or with each other - first one to cum looses. Or............

Sorry. Better stop now before my keyboard gets stuck.

Ahem.

Well the truth is, like all of us, I have many. But the one that I wish I didn’t have is talking to myself out loud.

“Oh we all do that” you may say. But I do it full on, like there is someone in the room with me and I am discussing something with them. In fact if you were to read this blog out loud to yourself you would get the same effect. It’s like I’m telling someone something, trying to get my point across.

Now it is true I only do it when I’m alone, but what I seem to think of as being alone is not quite full on enough to prevent embarrassment. I do it at home when I am in the music room or kitchen or bedroom and someone else is just in the other room. Which causes great shock to me to turn round in the middle of telling the ether why I love a certain type of guitar, or what a certain bands music means to myself, only to see Jo or Sarah standing there!

I’m surprised I have not been locked up.

It’s not as if I have the excuse of a pet! If you have a dog or a cat sitting in the room you can at least kid yourself and others you were talking to them. Although what a Labrador thinks about a human explaining the finer points of valve amplification or the joys of Dr Who to them is beyond me.

And it gets worse as you get older. I find myself saying things out loud on the street – to no one in particular. Like when I see bicyclist whizzing through a red light with the normal lack of care for any other fucker, I find phrases like “He’ll be seeing the sump of a bus real soon if he keeps that up” falling from my mouth. In a couple of years I will be a full on “street nutter”

Hmmm, maybe that’s why pensioners will talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime.

Maybe I should get some practice in

“I’m 44 ya know, yes. Busses, terrible, yes. Oooh my back, yes”

Well forget all that.

Bloody office full of managers who were not going to be here today!

Arse!

A whole entire day of coffee, blogging and cigarettes out of the window!

And I had such tales to tell you.

OK, no I didn't. But with a day spent doing nothing at my desk, something would have come up sooner or later. (leave it Meno!)

So enjoy your day.

I won't be enjoying this one as much as I thought but I do promise, my loyal 0.5 of a reader, to try to get back here and brighten your day with my wonderous virtual utterences.

and rubbish spelling.

ahem.