The truth is gentlemen, I intend to high jack this site, sail it to Tortuga and find a crew, then sail around drinking, shagging and plundering my weasely black guts out!
Someone has stolen my tea spoon at work!
Evil bastards! That means I will just have to up end the coffee jar over my cup and guess at hyperactivity.
Pah! Who cares for spoons anyway!
They are just natures way of proving Uri Geller was not a mistake!
"Dawn" leapt onto the bed this morning smelling faintly off and walked around my head purring loudly. It nuzzled at the arm I had thrown up over my eyes and tickled my ear with its fur. "Dawn" was breaking very persistently around my pillow and trying to put its tail up my nose.
"BUGGER OFF CLEO! IT'S HALF PAST FUCKING FOUR!"
I hinted.
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