Gonna veg out with a few vodkas on the sofa and watch Arnold Swartzanegger save the world from the devil in "End of Days". May be a bit crap, but it is something to watch.

I could watch Bram Stokers Dracula again, but am not in the mood for watching a romantic film.

Watched it at Christmas and it nearly mad me blub. But in my defence I was drunk.

Have a good evening.

No wait a minute!

Let me explain.

Went to my daughters school fete this afternoon. The theme of this events was pirates, which basically meant that all the people (mostly women) working the various stalls had pirate headscarfs on. Oh how imaginative. Anyway, back to the title.

Now if I was a woman with large boobs, I would obviously be aware of this fact. Well I would not be able to miss them really. And if I was said woman, and I had volunteered to work on one of the tombola stands for an afternoon I would think to myself "Hmmm, gonna be spending an afternoon bending forward handing a box of tickets to short little kids. What shall I wear?"

I would probably not think a low cut top that showed off my impressive cleavage was a good idea.

Or maybe I would.

Well whatever, this woman certainly brightend a few bored dads afternoons.

Ahem.

Someone has just driven an car into the terminal of Glasgow airport - the car then burst into flames.

Oh fuck.

We once again live in interesting times.

Oh look, it must be the weekend because I have started to shed friends.

Yes, on logging on just now I was dismayed to see the the number of friends on this blog was down by two.

FUCK!

I know kers last post was a bit ominous, but why burn everything AGAIN and go?

A break maybe would have been better.

oh sod it.

I'm gonna play my guitar.

For reasons I will not be going in to (as I cant remember them) while we were sitting round the table eating our version of shipscooks Chicken and pasta thingey, (and very nice it was too) Sarah repeated "ABC" a couple of times and Jo, for some reason started to sing

"when you read you begin with A B C"

and sarah gigled like mad, so I sang

"When you sing you beging with Doe Rae Mee!" in a big operatic styleee

Sarah is having hysterics now, along with Jo, so I continue in my best cod opera voice

"The first three notes just happen to be, Doe Rae mee"

and as a quick aside I said to Jo

"Blimey I know all the words, am I gay?"

Quick as a flash Sarah says

"You can't be gay daddy, youve got mummy!"

Which made Jo and I roll around hysterically!

Bloody kids.

Well appron really but I am not sure if I spelt that right. Dyslexic pillock that I is.

So, off now to put "How the west was won" by Led Zep on the cd player in the kitchen, and tackle on of Mr S's (shipscook) recipies for chicken pasta wossname.

Crack open the wine/vodka and play with sharp knives and hot implements!

What could possibly go wrong?

Later possibly, if I still have all my fingers!

In other news, got out of London OK, they appear to be finding more bombs!

Glad I go in and come out of town early.

My charming wife, just told me that the reason she has been a bit emotional is due to her getting into the old PMT zone.

"Oh great" I said. "I will be spending an evening with a drunk pmt-ish woman, that'll be fun. Might have to blog that"

To which she has just replied:

"Go ahead, you attention / sympathy seeking whore! I'll be just your luck that all your other female friends have PMT too! he he he xxx"

This morning some of my work mates were delayed on their journey to this temple of happyness by diversions to the busses. This was due to the car bomb that was found in central London this morning.

Now a friend of mine who also works in London has just said loads of police cars are whizzing by there place of work, and has wondered what is going on.

Have they found another one?

Just going to have a check on the news sites.

Not that I am concerned at all. Who the fuck would start a war on a Friday after all.

As my hand fell upon the glowing brass handle of the bar, the skys opened in spectacular fashion.

"yes you shall stay in there for an hour" said the weather gods.

So I did.

I had a couple of pints and a read about Big cats in Australia, Ghosts in Essex boozers and a dead Monk in tibet. As ya do.

And for the last time in this lifetime, sat in an British boozer with a pint and a cigarette.

When it was time to leave, the sky was blue and the sun was out.

Ah well.

That's that then.

As the smoking ban is almost here, I am taking my last chance to sit in a pub during my work lunch break, with a pint (or two) and have a ciggie as I flick through my magazine.

Tis the end of an era, I am going out to mark its' passing.

No, no. I just have a touch of hayfever today.
(wipes tear from corner of eye, gathers up mp3 player and magazine, heads for the door)

Will be one of ships cooks Chicken and Pasta with other stuff chucked in dishes. Stolen from his very site. The advantage of this dish is that it is all done in one big pan, no separate pan for doing the pasta in. Save washing up!

The other ingredients that cooky uses in his dishes are selected by the most rigorous of means, which normally include the two of us standing in the kitchen drinking Martinis while he rummages through the fridge.

“Hmm, this is nearing its use by date – I’ll stick a bit of this in”

Anything approaching its date that would in no way go in whatever dish he is cooking is normally eaten as a “bar snack” by us as we chat.

So tonight the Mrs and I will crack open the big bottle of Soave that is recommended in the recipe and try to recreate this dish.

And yes. I am missing Mrs F, ships cook and Moff like mad.

ARE YOU GEORGE BERNARD!

Blimey, 90 minutes with no blog, on a Friday?

Whatarewegonnadonow

Whatarewegonnadonow

Whatarewegonnadonow

Whatarewegonnadonow

My brain is full of the tadpoles of confusion who come to play when coffee is scarse.

Had a bit of a job dropping off and getting to sleep last night for some strange and unfathomable reason.

And now I must, reeeeeeeeeely must throw myself at my work.

Sorry I was a bit scarse during the last two parts of the virtual party last night. I have a virtual hangover, having woken up behind the marquee this morning with very little memory of what virtually happenedededid.

Have a good Friday.

The fucking Spice Girls have reformed!

HUGEGREATLUMPSOFBOLLOCKYSHITWANK!

I hate having so much work to do.

It gets in the way of my blogging!

Sorry I have missed things through not being able to catch up properly (like people saying it is there birthday today) and

OH SHIT!

has Pauls party started yet?

Damn! Fuck shit and bus tickets!

Why are we so busy!

5 questions and tag five people (as I am a bit late with this I assume most of you have done it so I wont tag anyone - just consider yourself tagged if you have not done this already ok?)

1 When in doubt - whip it out!

2 - The most Tagalicious blogger is - erm, well the one with the most tags? Landers or Juzzy probably.

3 - Given half a chance, I would - Stop working and travel the world, start recording some songs and buy a pirate ship.

4 - I'd rather be - not balding.

5 Who knew that - you could get all that in there.

Now I should reeeeeeely get on with some work

When you move suddenly and get an attack of the wobbles (ie the room and bed start to spin very quickly and you feel like your falling to the left and off the bed) It is pointless trying to steady yourself by grabbing hold of someone who is covered in baby oil.

ahem.

It being my pc and the romans shagging (and killing) are on tv in "rome"

I have had the "blue screen of death" tonight once already and it is being a total tortoise (even freezing up as I type this) so I may not be able to catch up on everything I want to.

An eventful day today. Full of stuff I can't mention or I would have to kill you blah blah blah.

A meeting about the brand new sparkly way we are going to be doing our jobs. Which of course is being rushed in, untried, with hardly any proper processes in place, just to keep us on our toes.

They must have thought we looked bored. No you fools, that is the look of a room full of people suffering from work induced depression! Except me. I just sit there like a torettes sufferer and say all the wrong things to all the wrong people.
It makes me laugh! sorry.

In other news,

Noticed earlier on a bottle of baby oil "Keep out of reach of children"

Eh?

No not wanking you vile minded filth hounds.

Greybags did a post earlier about a new digital camera he is thinking of getting. This started me thinking about how so much general stuff only exists in digital form.

For example, I have some old photos of my dad in the navy during the second world war – just mucking about with his mates on the ship and posing for the camera. If they had been taken on a digital camera, I would probably not be able to look at them now as the technology then would be incompatible with what we would have in the present day. Unless they had been printed out they would have been lost. I know that the vast majority of the pictures I have taken with my digital camera only exist on disk or on the hard drive of my pc. As computer technology advances so fast, I am either going to have to print them all out or get rid of them or spend the rest of my life copying them from one memory stick thing to another as the technology moves on.

There are books in the British Library that were written by hand in the 1600’s. Although we need someone to translate them from Latin or whatever, we can still “access the data”. The Library has been collecting articles and prose from the web, but already they are having trouble finding ways to read the older stuff and have to keep transferring it onto new systems. But they are having trouble keeping up as they have so much of it.

Are we in danger of loosing all our digitally stored memories and thoughts as the tech side speeds off into the future?

All you need to know really.

Be there or be cuboid.

Remeber watching rental videos?

The bit on the front that said "don't you dare watch pirate copies of videos you naughty naughty poeple!"

Remeber how you could fast forward through that bit, and all the bloody logos of the production companies?

WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU DO THAT ON DVD'S!

press "next" "FFWD" "top menu" and all you get is the little sign up in the top left corner that means "no - fuck off"

bastards! give me the movie NOW!

Anyway. Off now to watch Lee Majors little brother - Gill Grissom - foil the bad guys in CSI and cop off with a younger woman.

Older men flirting and getting off with younger women! bloody disgusting if you ask me.

ahem.

G'night.

For some reason my mobile phone decided to pick up all the texts sent to me during the course of today, in one lump, at half past four!

Bastard.

So I missed a message from a blogger of this parish, telling me to tell you that she had been stuck in liverpool overnight, without a change of clothes, and without a credit card, after picking up her new passport. This was due to not being able to get a train over them there pennines mountain thingeys due to shite weather.

The Holiday inn would not let her book without a credit card, would not take her husbands credit card over the phone when he called, and finally let her pay for a room for the night in cash. Lovely helpfull people that they are.

Who said LLWNTS!

Anyway, I believe that she has now got home safe, only a day after setting out.

Sorry for my phone effing about ker-bear.

So there ya go.

Jo and I where watching the Grahame Norton show thing at the weekend. One of his guests was Alice Cooper.

Alice was talking about the fact that on his latest tour he is putting all the theatrical stuff back into the show after a period of doing stripped down straight rock shows. The hanging is back, the guilotine, that stabbing people - all the good stuff. And he mentioned that he is only doing one gig in England at wembley.

I may have made some comment to Jo about the fact that I have seen him do a full on show at wembly years ago and it was very good - especially the bit where he stuck a mike stand right through one of the people on stage! nice touch.

So anyway when I got home yesterday, Jo told me to go look at what she had printed out on the printer.

It was two tickets to see Alice Cooper, Motorhead and Joan Jett and the Blackhearts at Wembley in November!

Blimey - I'm actually going to a proper gig!

Just like the old days!

J, a woman in our office who I have mentioned before, is standing at the windows at the back of the room here on the forth floor and peering avidly out.

Why? she is looking at the builders on a site next door. Bad girl.

But as she stands very close to the window, with her frankly huge boobs almost touching the glass, chaps in the office behind ours have started to notice. You can almost read there lips.

"Christ look at those!"

"oh wow"

and so on.

Should I mention this to her?

Nah.

I was watching a film last night on Channel 4 – I know, I really know how to live huh? And once again found myself getting annoyed by one of my pet hates. Volume differences between the film and the ad breaks!

When the film was on I had to turn it up to hear the dialog clearly yet when the adverts started they were deafening! Good excuse to sit for a couple of hours playing with the remote but it does get on my nerves.

Another thing that bugs the hell out of me in films and TV shows is the volume of the incidental music. For example a couple of weeks ago the Dr was running around trying to avoid getting eaten by cannibals and get a rocket ship to launce. Lots of action and dialogue explaining what he was doing BUT it was nearly drowned out by the pounding music and FX! For Christ’s’ sake someone spent time writing this stuff to explain what is going on so why drown it out!

I remember watching the first LOTRs film on DVD and having to put subtitles on when they were talking about Gollum while sat in the mines of whatever the fuck it was called. The reverb and echo on the voices (to portray the vastness of the caves they were in) made all of it almost impossible to follow. It may have sounded OK in the cinema coming out of loads of surround speakers but it was a mess in stereo.

I think the sound guys just get carried away showing off and forget that the effects and music should not get in the way of the dialogue.

Rant over.

Go about your business and enjoy.

I have heard this more than enough over the past days in this office

"Blimey it's really raining outside!"

Where else would it fucking well be raining numbnuts!

"England goes smoke free in six days!"

Oh really.

In seven days I get loads of cheap ciggies from Crete!

So UP YOURS!

I will be outside.

Smoking loads of fags

Well lust after as she used to be anyway.