Have I Reeeeeeely just given advice about which vibrator to keep and which one to save OR what sort of battery powered implement of pleasure you sould be seeking to someone I have NEVER spoken to before on the blog?

Feck.

It must be the weekend then.

Hoooooooooooo boy.

I would just like to say....

Bollocks!

hehehehehehehehehe.

OI! Cheif petty officer Walrus! Drink! Now!

WAKE UP!

I gotta go home soon.

Blimey, you can't get the staff ya know.

I feel a mutiny coming on.

If I could spell it I'd be worried.

Mwaaah to the world.

"No fuck off, you have two or three bloody degrees in various subjects so you ARE a smart person!"

"But you got a distinction when we did the Egyptology course and I only got a merit"

"BUT you got a "evening class" masters degree in your spare time, to go with the other two or three fucking big "blimey I gotta were a silly hat with a tassle in the photo" edumacational type bollocky shit wank degree stuff things. Soooo you am smarterer than meeee. and I think I may be drunked."

"Well because you are a fucking lazy pissed off drunk fuck up nutter cunt that hates further education because of all the shite you had at your scummy old school, It just shows that you do actually have a brain"

"Erm, show us your tits?"

SPANK!

"In that case, another drink please!"

"MR WALRUS!"

How to see if you are drunked.

(Warning - this may only work if you are of "a certain age")

Put "the guns of Navarone" by the Skatallites on the hifi (or get on the net and find it you techy gifted young bastards)

If you say -

"Ahh, "The guns of Navarone" theme done in a ska styleee" you are sober, of a certain age, and a tad pretentious. All is well.

It you say -

"Blimey! the theme from Z-Cars done reggae style" you are still "of a certain age" but are also "with drink". Be careful.

If you say -

"Yay - It's "In a big country" by Big Country" you remember the 80's and are a bit more drunkered

If you say -

"Yay! I remember live aid - it's "feed the world" you am as pissed as a hamster in a tumble dryer and should head for your nearest casualty department for a quick gut pump and some sedatives.

Just so you know.

ahem.