"Alas poor Yorik, I knew him horatio! A man of infinate annoyance and bollocks, who verily thou wouldst gouge out the very eyes of the knave should he so choose to blacken your commute to work buy sullying your solitude with his presence on the seat next to you, on the very bus of your transport.

And with joy you would watch the blood spill from those bruse-ed eye sockets and then woe! as it does corrupt the purity of your fresh dry clean-ed trouser! But trouble ye not for ye hath ridden the sainted earth of England of a vile and evil dickwad and shall forever have your name spoken with awe in avalon."

Or something.